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Updated May 15, 2024The Bridal Shower Etiquette You Should Definitely Know
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Despite how fun and memorable wedding showers are, the actual task of hosting a bridal shower can be a lot of work, so you'll want to ensure you're doing everything correctly. That's why it's important to know what bridal shower etiquette rules you need to follow, because without them, planning the shower can get a little confusing. And don't worry if you're unfamiliar with all the wedding lingo from the onset (even if you're asking the question: What is a bridal shower?). For example, many people don't know what differentiates a bridal shower from a wedding shower when they first start. But we're here to help you plan the perfect bridal bash with advice from some of the best etiquette experts today. Read below to learn the proper bridal shower protocol before you send out the invitations.
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Photo: Shelby Oliver Photography
Bridal Shower Etiquette
Bridal showers are one of the many prewedding events that involve specific etiquette rules, so it's helpful to know how to navigate them. Here, we're covering bridal shower etiquette for the bride, bridal shower etiquette for guests, bridal shower etiquette for the mother of the bride and the other top bridal shower expectations that everyone should know.
Who hosts the bridal shower?
Traditionally, the maid of honor and bridal party or mother of the bride hosts the bridal shower, but that isn't a steadfast rule. Anyone who offers can host the bridal shower. The only person who absolutely shouldn't host is the bride, since throwing a party for yourself where people bring gifts is against proper bridal shower etiquette.
Whether you're the honor attendant or a family member, it's never a bad idea to get the bridal shower hosting conversation going (and the earlier, the better). But just because you're game to coordinate and lead the charge doesn't mean you have to take it all on yourself. You can enlist members of the bridal party and the families of the bride and her fiancé to give input and help, too. The best way to go about it is to get everyone together and ask what each person wants to help with instead of assigning duties. Remember: Invitation etiquette for a bridal shower states the name of the host(s) should be included on the invitation.
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When should the bridal shower be?
Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, says it's typical for people to throw a bridal shower about three months to three weeks before the wedding. But she wants hosts to know you don't have to stick to this timeline. "People will read this and think that's the law and then feel pressure to stay in that timeline. So I think it's important to say that these are '-ish' answers. When a person throws the party really depends on each separate shower," Gottsman explains.
Where can the bridal shower be held?
There's no bridal shower protocol for where the shower should be. The event can be hosted anywhere (there are some great options on The Knot Vendor Marketplace). "You can have it in someone's party room in their apartment complex, you could have it in someone's living room or you could have it at someone's lake house. You just have to be able to accommodate the guest list," Gottsman says.
Who's invited to the bridal shower?
Traditionally, close female friends, wedding party members and female family members are invited to the bridal shower. Though, use your best judgment when making a guest list if a bride's inner circle feels different than the folks listed above. You may be wondering: Is the fiancé invited to the bridal shower? Whether you invite a partner or not depends on what kind of event the bride would like to have.
When should the shower invitations be sent?
If a lot of the guests are coming from out of town, the earlier you send invites, the better—at least two months before, if not earlier, according to wedding shower etiquette. If most people are local, four to six weeks should be just fine. How elaborate or simple you want the invites to be is up to you. (Check out The Knot Invitations for your bridal shower paper and digital invitation needs.)
Do bridal showers have dress codes?
Yes, a bridal shower can have a dress code, but there isn't a bridal shower etiquette rule that requires your event to have one. But since it's a celebratory event, have fun with setting a theme or tone for the shower to inspire guests' attire. Chertoff says: "A shower is a festive occasion, but the venue and time of day should dictate the dress code, similar to the wedding. It's up to the host to determine if guests are allowed to wear athleisure or something dressier, such as a daytime dress or collared shirt."
Do guests use the wedding registry for the bridal shower?
Guests can (and do) use a couple's wedding registry to find a bridal shower gift, but couples can also make a designated wedding shower registry on The Knot. A registry specific to the shower isn't required, though it can come in handy, especially if there's a gifting theme like "stock the kitchen." What's on the couple's bridal shower registry depends on their needs. "A shower was created to 'shower' the couple with gifts, which will help them create their new home. Today, couples may have traditional home items, like appliances and linens, so they may wish to be showered with other items, like active gear and home improvement items," Chertoff says.
The Knot Expert Tip: Remember to add the registry information on the bridal shower invitation and the couple's wedding website.
Should the bride give the bridal shower host a gift?
Yes, bridal shower rules state that the bride should give the host a small gift and a thank-you card to show how much they appreciate them organizing the event and hosting during the event's duration. Here's some information if you would like to know more about bridal shower host gifts.
Bridal Shower Etiquette Dos and Don'ts
Some bridal shower etiquette rules can be altered to fit what best works for your shower, but there are some bridal shower dos and don'ts hosts should know about, too. Here's exactly what to do and what not to do for the perfect bridal shower, whether it's the bride's first or second time around.
Do: Prioritize VIP Guests
Even if you're planning to wait to host the bridal shower until shortly before the wedding, you're going to want to make sure you pick a time when important people like siblings, parents and honor attendants can attend. Figuring out multiple schedules can be a lot of back and forth, so it's best to start early.
Do: Honor the Bride's Wishes
Just like with other prewedding events, you should always take into account the bride's wishes. If you were originally planning to have a sex-related bridal shower game, but the bride mentioned it would make them uncomfortable, don't do it. Instead, save it for the bachelorette party. Your number one job is to ensure you're always keeping in mind what the bride likes and focusing the event on celebrating her future union.
Do: Serve Food and Drinks
Having food is a must, whether it's a breakfast spread or a sweets table. Consider catering if you're throwing a large party. You could even make some of the main dishes and then supplement with catering additions or have other guests contribute as a potluck. Light snacks, heavy hors d'oeuvres or a continental breakfast of pastries, fruit and coffee are typically what people serve as the bridal shower meal. Either way, let guests know what you'll be serving on the invite so they're prepared.
Do: Make a Gift-Opening Plan
Sometimes the bride opens the gifts at the shower, and sometimes she doesn't (because if guests follow proper gift etiquette, she'll have quite a few presents on her hands at the event). There's no bridal shower custom for when to open the gifts, so discuss with the bride when she would prefer to do it. Once that's ironed out, you can plan your other party activities accordingly.
Photo: Shelby Oliver Photography
Don't: Invite Someone Not Invited to the Wedding
According to invitation etiquette for a bridal shower, anyone who's invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding, including out-of-town guests. Anne Chertoff, wedding etiquette trainer for Beaumont Etiquette, says there are some exceptions to this rule. "If a couple is having a destination wedding with a limited guest list, a shower may be held with those not invited to the wedding. Office colleagues may also host a shower at the office, even if colleagues are not invited to the wedding," Chertoff says.
Don't: Invite the Same People to Multiple Showers
If the couple is having multiple showers, don't invite the same people to each shower. Changing the guest list gives guests more freedom in their social calendar and less pressure to bring a gift to each event.
Don't: Plan Too Many Activities
Keep the momentum rolling by having a general idea of what you'll do at the beginning, middle and end of the shower, but don't go overboard. Just because you have a plan doesn't mean you have to control every single second. For example, if "The Newlywed Game" inspires everyone to share their own hilarious stories, you can let the event flow naturally instead of rushing everyone to the next activity.
Don't: Give an Inappropriate Gift
Remind guests that the shower is (most likely) an all-ages affair, and while something tongue-in-cheek will probably go over okay, you may want to avoid anything outright naughty. Save goodies like sex toys and triple-X-rated lingerie for the bachelorette party.
Cathryn Haight contributed to the reporting of this story.
