What Is a Chosen Family and Why Do People Need One

If you have heard the phrase before, you might have wondered, "What is a chosen family?" The term has been used for years to help define the unique relationship and ties between a close circle of people who rely on each other for friendship, love and support. It's a phrase often used within the LGBTQIA+ community, as many historically had to create their own family units if they were rejected by their own due to discrimination.

However, anyone can form a chosen family with the people they wish to surround themselves with for holidays, major events or just daily life. After all, your best friend could feel like family just as much as your cousin. Read ahead to learn more about what is a chosen family and how you can create one of your own.

In this article:

• What Is a Chosen Family?
• Blood Family vs. Chosen Family Defined
• Why Is a Chosen Family Important?
• How to Find Your Chosen Family

What Is a Chosen Family?

A chosen family is a group of people who have become a family to you through the bonds you form. They are people outside of your blood relatives that you choose to be in your life, and with whom you share mutual love and support. While you could designate someone within your chosen family a more traditional role as your "mother," "brother" or "aunt," they also could be someone you just consider as part of your family due to your close relationship. They could be people who stepped in to help raise you as a child, a dear friend you view like a sibling or your romantic partner. Your family of choice could be there to help celebrate your wins, give speeches on your wedding day, or provide emotional support when times get hard.

Blood Family vs. Chosen Family Defined

While there is a family you are born into—including your parents, siblings and extended relatives—a chosen family is one that you craft yourself. However, having a chosen family doesn't mean that they cancel out your birth family. It is fully possible to have people that you consider to be like family in your life, as well as those you were connected to by blood, as important relationships. In many cases, good friends of your birth parents who may be part of their own chosen family could be seen as aunts or uncles in your life. You may also practice splitting time between your friends and family to feel uplifted by and engaged with both.

Why Is a Chosen Family Important?

It is important for everyone to have a community surrounding them for support and love. As people say, it takes a village. If your own family isn't present in your life, fostering a chosen family of friends and mentors can be an extremely valuable asset to your mental and social well-being. Having a chosen family is also particularly wonderful because it is a group that you select for yourself. You can find people you truly love, who show you appreciation and are a positive force in your life.

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If you don't have other blood family members in your life, your chosen family can step in for major life moments. Just because your birth family might not be there, you don't have to be alone. It's possible to give specific people you aren't technically related to visitation rights in the hospital, power of attorney, or even leave assets to them in your will.

How to Find Your Chosen Family

Finding a chosen family is not always easy, but it is absolutely worth the effort. It's all about fostering relationships and finding quality people you want in your life. Ahead, see a few ways to grow your chosen family.

Find Community With Similar Values and Interests

As you make new connections with people, try to find those who share your values. Consider joining clubs, finding others in your community, or connecting with people at work or school. Finding people who share a common interest or background with you can help propel the growth of your relationship.

Deepen Bonds With Friends

There's no need to search out all new people to be your chosen family. Consider trying to build trust and deepen your relationship with friends you have known from childhood or those you have already met along your life journey. People you have known for years and have shared experiences with can often become special in your life, as you have similar histories and backgrounds.

Practice Patience

Turning a friend or a new acquaintance into a member of your chosen family isn't something that happens overnight. It takes a lot of tending to your relationships to have someone become that important of a figure in your life. Don't be discouraged, though, if you want to build your chosen family. Practice patience and thoughtfulness to ensure that those you are bringing into your life are people who deserve to be there.