Why Couples Should Limit Social Media Consumption in January
Open your social media in January and you're likely swiping through content related to fad dieting, aggressive fitness or TikTok-native challenges like 75 Hard, among other pressures to "do it all" (messaging which is especially prevalent during this time of year). Like everyone else, engaged couples face intensified pressures of weight loss, professional success and mastering new hobbies. But they also deal with other unique challenges, like planning the best wedding or having the perfect relationship.
To support your mental health and your relationship, we put together social media rules for couples as well as expert advice on how to navigate social media in the New Year. Social media can be a positive force—it's keeping people connected during a global pandemic, after all. However, studies reveal it can also have a negative presence in our lives.
"Research has shown that the link between social media use and our mental well-being depends on how we use social media, when we use social media, and the content we view," explains Dr. Sarah Domoff, a Michigan-based clinical psychologist specializing in media use. "If we use Instagram, for example, to negatively compare ourselves to others, we may not feel positively about ourselves." She adds that our mental health can also be compromised if we don't routinely challenge the realness of what we see.
Hannah Tishman, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in anxiety, perfectionism and disordered eating from Cobb Psychotherapy in New York, says couples need to remember not everything they see is complete reality. "It's so easy to portray perfection on social media," she says. "Everyone has something going on at some point behind the scenes, and it's important to always keep that in mind when you compare your relationship to someone else's."
Consider what you've been dealing with over the past year: a global pandemic, perhaps postponed wedding plans, several forms of loss, an overwhelming response to racial injustice, and civil unrest at the country's capital. Add the task of planning a wedding amid COVID while navigating social media pressures from the New Year. It's a lot to digest. A word of advice: close out of the apps and give yourself grace. Despite what social media may lead you to believe right now, simply doing your best is enough. Read more to find out why it may be advantageous to limit social media in the New Year.
Pressure From Social Media is More Intense in the New Year
While social media increases connection, it has its downsides. "It has been linked to loneliness, mood disorders, poor self-esteem, and other mental health symptoms," Tishman says. Many of the negative side-effects of social media use can be linked to comparisons.
The New Year is a popular time for individuals to make resolutions about their physical appearance in particular. While experts agree the concept of "shedding for the wedding" is toxic, the pressures from apps during this time of year can make people believe they must lose weight at any cost. "When individuals use social media to compare themselves to perfect and often false images they see, they experience body dissatisfaction," explains Dr. Nancy Mramor, a Pennsylvania-based psychologist who specializes in media use. "For a susceptible individual, that could cause a disorder called body dysmorphic disorder, involving an incorrect assessment of their own bodies."
If you find yourself in this position, step away from social media and take a break. As the season of New Year's resolutions begins, you may also notice an influx of content not only around weight loss, but also professional achievement, romantic relationships, new hobbies or financial success. All of these posts may cause us to feel like we're not doing enough—like we need to do more and do it perfectly if we are to make this upcoming year a success. If you're feeling this way, you must prioritize yourself and your boundaries.
How Social Media Can Negatively Affect Your Self-Perception
Sound like a lot to balance in the midst of everything going on in the world? That's because it is. All that comparison can leave you feeling less-than in every facet of your life. "If you're spending more time focusing on your or your partner's appearance online instead of focusing on the present moment and live interactions, you may feel unfulfilled or negative—particularly if you are comparing yourself to others' unreal images," Domoff explains. "Negative social comparisons may contribute to [negative] mood and self-perceptions."
Mramor adds that seeing pictures of people gathering together can emphasize feelings of loneliness (which are all too prevalent given the resurgence of the pandemic). Images of happy couples can leave you questioning your own relationship, leading to even more self-doubt. In short, mindless scrolling can leave you feeling insecure, depressed, and isolated.
How Social Media Could Be Hurting Your Relationship
Given the toll New Year-themed social media posts can take on your mental wellbeing, it's no surprise they can affect your relationship too. "An overload of these kinds of posts can impact soon-to-be married couples' mental health by adding pressure to meet wedding weight loss goals, possibly leading to tension within the marriage as well as destructive comparisons," Tishman explains. Mramor adds that pressures around appearance can negatively impact intimacy too, which can stifle romantic connection. "[An overload of these posts] could [also] lead to distance in a relationship, unrealistic expectations, increased arguments, jealousy, and infidelity," says Tishman.
It goes beyond appearances too. If, for example, your partner is feeling depressed about social distancing from friends and family, they may be emotionally unavailable to you. Images of other romantic relationships can cause you to question your own and feel insecure with your partner. As such, your communication and connection might suffer, leaving both of you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy. Couples that make wedding planning look like a breeze could also shake your confidence right now.
But Tishman says it's important to remember that any couple planning a wedding is likely facing challenges. "Wedding planning during COVID most certainly can take a toll on your relationship due to several stressors including navigating finances, family, decision-making, health risks, and more," she says. "For couples feeling their relationship isn't perfect enough, remember that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship."
It's essential to be flexible, patient and communicative with one another during this time. Share your negative emotions (like being upset about postponing your wedding, for example) to avoid falling into a trap of toxic positivity. Doing so will bring you closer together and allow you to move forward as a unified team.
How to Protect Your Mental Health
Across the board, experts agree the number one defense you can take is to limit your time on social media. Set limits on your phone so that you're closed out of the app after a certain amount of time. This will encourage you to be in the present moment more often.
The next step you can take is to curate a positive feed. Domoff suggests unfollowing anyone who you constantly compare yourself to. If that's not possible (say they're a friend), she recommends setting up filters to block content that you find negative or disrupting. Take the New Year as an opportunity to go through the accounts you follow and critically question what they add to your life. If they consistently leave you feeling less-than, it's time to unfollow.
"Social media shouldn't feel toxic, it should be a place where you gain inspiration and positivity," says Tori Simeone, trainer at Tone It Up. She adds that the New Year is a great time to explore why certain posts are triggering to you. "When you scroll past something that gives you a jolt of envy or jealousy, sit with those feelings, journal or talk them out with someone you trust to get to the bottom of why those feelings are coming up for you."
Another tactic Domoff recommends is critically viewing ads and promotional content (including sponsored posts from influencers). "We know that advertising works—promotions and ads on social media are designed to get us to seek out the products advertised," she explains. "It's there to get you to spend more, not to make you feel better."
Mramor also recommends safely seeking connections outside of social media whenever possible. Can you call a loved one? Facetime a friend? These interactions will likely leave you feeling more connected (not to mention happier) than hours spent scrolling on social media. She also suggests engaging in activities that don't involve a screen. Go on a walk, lean into one of your hobbies, take on a new project or plan a fun date night for you and your partner.
Additionally, Domoff says it's helpful to limit social media use before bed. "Don't use social media within an hour of bedtime," she says. "Sleep is essential for our mental and physical health." Experts agree that excluding your phone from your evening routine promotes restful sleep, which can drastically improve your mood.
The last step you can take? Give yourself grace. "If you feel like you're not doing enough during this time of the year, remember these are difficult times—do what you're comfortable with," Tishman says. "It's important to set realistic goals while also being patient with yourself, as we're learning to cope with more uncertainty than most of us have ever dealt with on a universal level." Despite what social media may have you believe during this time of year, you don't need to do more. You're already enough just as you are.