Funny Wedding Vows Guaranteed to Make Your Guests Smile

Calling all comedic couples.
maddy sims the knot associate editor
by
Maddy Sims
maddy sims the knot associate editor
Maddy Sims
Former Associate Editor
  • Maddy is a Brand and Social Content Manager at Birdy Grey, and was a former associate editor at The Knot.
  • Maddy has written for several different publications, including HUM Nutrition, Insider, Bustle, Real Simple and Apartment Therapy.
  • Maddy has a Bachelor's degree in magazine journalism and a Master's degree in health, science and environmental reporting (both of which are from Northwestern's Medill School of Journa...
Updated Apr 08, 2020

Writing your wedding vows can be an overwhelming task. Often, couples choose to write serious, sentimental vows to each other. But if that just doesn't sound right for you and your partner, consider writing funny wedding vows. Not only will they make your S.O. smile, they'll make your guests laugh out loud too. Of course, you'll want to make sure that it's tastefully done (remember: it's your wedding day, not a comedy show). The focus of the vows should be declaring your love for your partner, and making guests LOL should be an added bonus. And remember that you don't have to incorporate funny wedding vows into your ceremony if that isn't authentic to your and your partner. But if you're always joking around with each other, it might be appropriate to incorporate a humorous line or two.

If you're looking for inspiration, we've rounded up a few of our favorite funny wedding vow examples as well as humorous quotes from movies, television shows and books. Browse our curated selections and then add them into your own vows to get your guests giggling.

Funny Wedding Vows Examples

"I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome."

"You and I just work together - and I love how you always finish my.... .... sentences... it's sentences."

"I vow to thrill you each day—to amaze and astonish you. Did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning?"

"I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!"

"I love you, truly, madly, deeply... and I was thinking—maybe we should get married."

"I promise not to watch the next episode without you."

"We look pretty good. What is it we're all dressed up for?"

"I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake."

"As the wise Salt n Pepa said, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man."

Funny Wedding Vows for Him

"I promise to unclog the drain, even though you're the only one of us who has long hair."

"I vow to get a professional even though I really want to try to do it myself first."

"I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live."

"I promise to take Instagram-worthy photos of you."

Funny Wedding Vows for Her

"I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you're hot—even if I'm totally freezing."

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"I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon."

"I'm so happy I accepted your rose."

"I vow to love you even when you're old and still playing Xbox"

Funny Wedding Vows From Movies

"I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night."
-When Harry Met Sally

"I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."
-The Vow

"She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry."
- St. Elmo's Fire

"Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind."
-27 Dresses

"You're the best thing I never knew I needed."
-The Princess and the Frog

"He is the cheese to my macaroni."
-Juno

"You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon."
-It's a Wonderful Life

"We finish each other's…."
"Sandwiches"
-Frozen

Funny Wedding Vows From Television Shows

"To love each other, even when we hate each other. No running—ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens. Take care when old, senile, smelly. This is forever."
-Grey's Anatomy

"You are the most awesome person I have ever known in my entire life. I vow to protect you from danger. And I don't care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter, or a bear, or him (points to a random guest), or your mom. I would take them down. I'm getting mad right now even telling you. I wanna spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you, and I am the luckiest man in the galaxy."
-Parks and Rec

"You're my lobster"
-Friends

"But love doesn't make sense! I mean, you can't logic your way in or out of it. Love is totally non-sensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost, and love is dead, and humanity just packed in. Because love is the best thing we do."
-How I Met Your Mother

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous."
-Sex and the City

Funny Wedding Vow Quotes From Books

"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."
-The Notebook

"I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you. Want it backward? You love I."
-The Princess Bride

"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."
-The Fault in Our Stars

"If my like for you was a football crowd, you'd be deaf 'cause of the roar. And if my like for you was a boxer, there'd be a dead guy lying on the floor. And if my like for you was sugar, you'd lose your teeth before you were twenty. And if my like for you was money, let's just say you'd be spending plenty."
-Graffiti Moon

"Yes, I need you, my fairy-tale. Because you are the only person I can talk with about the shade of a cloud, about the song of a thought — and about how, when I went out to work today and looked a tall sunflower in the face, it smiled at me with all of its seeds."
-Letters to Vera

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