How to Talk About Mental Health and Boundaries With Your Partner

One of the key facets of a healthy relationship is learning how to talk about mental health with your partner. As you go through highs and lows, it's important to have a channel of communication to discuss and work through what you're processing. Being able to have your partner as a resource is essential to your relationship

"Talking about mental health with your partner is essential because it helps both of you understand how to support each other," explains Lauren Mollica LMFT, MS of couples therapy company Ours. "In a loving relationship, you'll want to know how to support your partner in whatever way works best for them, both physically and mentally."

Ahead, learn the importance of boundaries and mental health in relationships, facilitating healthy communication with your partner and strategies to support your partner's wellbeing even further.

In this article:

• Why Talking About Mental Health is Important
• How to Talk About Mental Health with Your Partner
• Expand Your Support System

Why Talking About Mental Health is Important

Beginning—and continuing—a conversation on mental health with your partner is a healthy practice to support both of your mental health journeys. "Open conversations about mental health can lead to deeper, more vulnerable discussions, ultimately strengthening trust and emotional connection in your relationship," Mollica notes.

"When talking with your partner about mental health, if they are able to be present in the conversation in a kind, supportive way, this tends to lead to co-regulation," she says. "Your brain and body are able to identify your partner as a safe person to discuss vulnerable topics with which has a soothing effect and can lead to more positive conversations in the future."

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Other benefits of knowing how to talk about your mental health positively and constructively involve building trust between you as a couple, identifying shared experiences, developing a deeper understanding of one another and being able to articulate your needs better if difficult mental health days arise. Of course, since these are sensitive topics, it's important to approach them with care and set boundaries when needed as many have different comfort levels when discussing any past trauma.

How to Talk About Mental Health with Your Partner

Ready to learn how to talk to your partner about mental health? Ahead, learn about key ways to approach the conversation.

Set Yourself Up for Success

"If you know that mental health is a topic that you might have sensitivity around, make sure you are going into the conversation in a good head space," Mollica advises. That's why boundaries and mental health are good to discuss. "It can help to set ground rules with your partner (or even yourself) to keep the discussion productive. For example, agree that it's okay to take a break if things get heated and return to the conversation later." She also advises to make sure you are physically prepared to take on the subject. "Check in on your basic needs before diving into a potentially sensitive topic," she suggests. "Are you hungry or tired? These factors can significantly impact how the conversation goes."

Be Clear in Your Goal for the Conversation

Ahead of your discussions, make sure you set intentions in your conversation. "Is it so that you can help your partner understand your mental health history better? Is it exploring if your partner is a person you can go to on poor mental health days for support? It's helpful to let your partner know what your expectations are from the conversation so they can show up in the way you need them to," Mollica shares.

Be Aware of Mental Health Stigmas

There's no denying that talking about mental health can come with stigmas. "For a long time, mental health topics felt taboo and folks carried a lot of shame when discussing their mental health history," Mollica explains. "Be mindful not to use stigmatizing language and be aware that everyone experiences mental health challenges differently. What may work for you, may not have worked for them and vice versa." Additionally, you should be aware that you hold the role of partner rather than therapist. "In a partnership, it's important that we don't fall into a 'fixer role.' We are there to be supportive and seek to understand our partner better," she adds.

Give Your Partner Feedback

Are there parts of your conversations on mental health that feel extremely helpful—or not so much? Make sure to communicate with your partner those positives or things you need boundaries around. "For example, if holding your hand makes you feel more comforted, let them know so they can continue offering that support in future discussions," Mollica says. "Sharing this kind of feedback helps them understand how to better support you."

Expand Your Support System

While being able to communicate about your mental health with your partner is important, don't forget there are other resources available to you. "If you're struggling with your mental health, it's important to talk to a professional," Mollica notes. "They can assess the level of support you need, which can be hard to recognize when you're in the middle of a difficult time. Sometimes the best thing your support system can do is help you find the right therapist or psychiatrist."

"It's also important to remember that your partner shouldn't be your only source of support," she says. "We all need a community to lean on during tough times. Think about the people who regularly check in on you or have supported you through difficult moments before. These are the individuals worth reaching out to and keeping in your support network."

If you want more channels to talk about mental health, there are plenty available. "When reaching out beyond those folks, you'd be surprised how many resources are available at our fingertips online," Mollica advises. "Nowadays, there are free support groups, books, podcasts, apps, etc. If you need recommendations, I think a great place to start would be to ask your therapist! They'll be able to suggest some options that best fit your needs."