What Does it Mean to Have Mismatched Libidos and How You Can Cope

After a long day of work, maybe you feel too tired to jaunt in the sheets. Perhaps they're ready to jump your bones, but the mood doesn't strike for you, or maybe you're the one in the mood but they're not. This is called having mismatched libidos, and believe it or not, it doesn't mean you're not a good match.

"Mismatched libidos are super common in relationships. Life stages, stress and physical health can all affect libido, so it's normal for partners to experience fluctuations," says Kayden Roberts, the CMO and relationship coach at Camgo. "What matters most is how couples manage and communicate through these differences, fostering a relationship based on empathy and compromise."

If you're experiencing a libido gap, you might wonder: Is there a guide on how to resolve mismatched libido? Is sex drive mismatch a reason to break up? Can a relationship truly survive with this difference? The answer, it turns out, is all in how you handle talking about and resolving it, together. With the help of Roberts, we're breaking down the true nature of mismatched sex drives, what has an impact on your sex drive and how to handle it.

In this article:

• What Does it Mean to Have Mismatched Libido?
• How Mismatched Libidos Can Impact a Relationship
• How to Talk About Mismatched Libido With a Partner
• How to Resolve Mismatched Libido

What Does it Mean to Have Mismatched Libido?

First things first: What does mismatched libidos mean, actually? If you and your partner are in a libido gap, it means that you have different levels of sexual desire. And we have a secret to share: It's completely normal. According to Roberts, one person in a relationship may have a higher libido, wanting more frequent sexual activity, while the other may have a lower libido, preferring fewer romps in the bedroom.

These differences can manifest over time, though, and may even fluctuate depending on factors like stress, health and life changes. Even sex drive and SSRIs can be a mix that leads to a mismatch.

How Mismatched Libidos Can Impact a Relationship

Although it's normal to experience mismatched sex drive in relationships from time to time, a lack of sexual compatibility can have negative impacts if you aren't on top of it. In fact, there are a lot of ways that differences in sex drive can lead to not-so-fun feelings.

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"Mismatched libidos can lead to frustration, feelings of rejection or misunderstandings if left unaddressed. The partner with a higher libido may feel neglected or undesired, while the one with the lower libido may feel pressured or inadequate," Roberts explains. These feelings, if not communicated openly, can build tension and resentment, potentially affecting intimacy and emotional closeness. And no one wants that.

How to Talk About Mismatched Libido With a Partner

This is why, above all else, it's so important to know how to talk about mismatched libidos with your partner (and even to yourself!) Here are some ways to do so, here:

• Be empathetic: First, Roberts recommends approaching this conversation with empathy and understanding. When you go into talking about your mismatched sex drives, frame it as a way to better connect, rather than a criticism of how the relationship is going.
• Communicate without judgment: Always try to communicate without judgment. Start by using "I" statements to express your feelings, such as "I've noticed we have different desires lately, and I'd love for us to talk about how we can make sure we're both feeling fulfilled."
• Be open to solutions: Lastly, Roberts recommends always being open to listening and remembering that this is about saving a true partnership. It's about finding mutual solutions, not making the other person feel bad for how they feel, or putting down why they might feel less sexual right now.

If you approach mismatched libidos with gentleness, kindness and an open mind and heart, you'll be sure to start the conversation on the right foot.

How to Resolve Mismatched Libido

Initially talking about mismatched sex drives is different than learning how to deal with mismatched libidos. But if you want to resolve things, and make sure breaking up over mismatched libido isn't in your future, knowing a path to resolve is important.

"The resolution [for mismatched libido] requires compromise and open communication. Scheduling sex, experimenting with different forms of intimacy or even considering professional help, such as sex therapy, can help," Roberts says.

Sometimes, she adds, if you want to improve your sex life, you should start by understanding the root cause—like stress or hormonal changes—can open up new paths to rekindle intimacy in ways that work for both partners.

As she explained, seeking professional help can often be one of the best ways to break down your libido mismatch and find the help and answers you might be looking for. For example, if you work with a sex therapist together, you may discover new ways to view intimacy—like how to deal with desire discrepancy and feel closer.

Seeking help from professionals who truly know the ins and outs of desire can be an amazing way to bring it alive again in your relationship, partnership or marriage.