A Wedding Expert's Guide to Planning a Paebaek Ceremony

This symbolic ceremony centers around bringing two families together.
Heather Bien - The Knot Contributor.
by
Heather Bien
Heather Bien - The Knot Contributor.
Heather Bien
The Knot Contributor
  • Heather contributes wedding, honeymoon, travel and relationship content for The Knot and WeddingWire.
  • Heather also writes for publications including Apartment Therapy, StyleBlueprint, MyDomaine, HelloGiggles and The Everygirl.
  • She holds a degree in Art History and Architectural History from the University of Virginia.
Updated Jan 23, 2025

There are wedding traditions around the world designed to celebrate two families coming together, and one of the most beautiful and storied Korean wedding traditions does just this. The paebaek ceremony is a centuries-old tradition that originally served to welcome the bride into the groom's family.

This ritual typically occurs following the larger wedding ceremony, and, traditionally, it was held in a more intimate setting with only the groom's family and the bride present. Today, the paebaek ceremony often includes the entire guest list, with everyone getting a front-row seat to this vibrant and warm tradition. There's often a tea ceremony and formal bowing featured in the custom.

Planning a Korean or multicultural wedding? Here's how to plan a perfect paebaek ceremony, with expert insights from Rose Ahn, a New York City-based wedding planner and founder of Rose Ahn Events.

What Is a Paebaek Ceremony?

A paebaek ceremony is a traditional Korean marriage ceremony that dates back to the 1300s. This historic ceremony was originally intended to formally accept the bride into the groom's family, and often, that meant that the groom's family was present while the bride's family was not.

Ahn explains, "The ceremony is rich with symbolism to show respect, commitment, future wealth and love. Today, Korean Americans have used a paebaek ceremony to embrace their Korean culture and heritage."

Traditionally, a Korean paebaek ceremony includes beautifully ornate attire, a deep, formal bow to the parents and elders, and the tossing of dates and chestnuts. Ahn notes that modern couples will incorporate elements into their Western celebration, like wearing hanboks or including decor, while other couples will choose to have a separate and full paebaek ceremony.

How to Plan a Paebaek Ceremony

Ahn often works with couples who are considering a paebaek ceremony but haven't yet envisioned how that will look on the big day. These couples may want to understand how it incorporates into planning a wedding weekend itinerary, their wedding budget breakdown, as well as their options for a traditional or more modern celebration.

1. Align on Expectations

Before planning a paebaek ceremony, Ahn makes sure the couple aligns both on their expectations as well as their parents. Traditional parents may have a specific vision of how the day will unfold, and if the couple wants their parents to play a significant role, it's best to know those expectations upfront. This includes whether there will be a ceremony in front of all the guests, whether they will wear traditional attire, and if the ceremony will follow the paebaek ceremony script exactly.

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2. Order of Ceremony

With paebaek ceremonies occurring at different times depending on the couple's vision, the flow of events throughout the day can vary from wedding to wedding. "For one of my couples this year, we are hosting the paebaek before their Western ceremony, which will flow into the rest of their Western celebration," Ahn says.

For another one of her couples, the paebaek will occur after the Western ceremony. "Their reception was at another physical location, and having the paebaek as their second ceremony allowed them to have some more time for additional photos and time to change their attire before heading over to dinner."

3. Ceremony Script

The script for a modern paebaek ceremony can evolve based on what the couple has in mind. Ahn often works with the couple to make the ceremony inclusive for all, particularly if one-half of the couple is not Korean.

But, regardless of how the script comes together, there is a specific order that it usually follows. The ceremony occurs at a low table, which is set for the tea ceremony and decorated with flowers, a bamboo mat and silk textiles. The parents will sit behind the table. Often, the table is decorated with fake food in addition to the symbolic food and tea that will be used during the ceremony.

Ahn explains that the bride and groom will first pay respects to the groom's family, which includes approaching the table before doing a full bow. The bride bows with her hands in front of her head, continuing to lower herself until she reaches the ground (usually, there's an attendant nearby to help).

This is followed by the couple serving tea or wine to the groom's parents. The couple serves the tea with two hands to show respect. After drinking the tea, the groom's parents will share words of wisdom for life and marriage.

Then, the parents will participate in the tossing of dates and chestnuts, which the couple will attempt to catch. Ahn adds that today, the bride and groom will often pay respects to the bride's family in the same way, and they will follow the same flow of events.

Finally, the couple will pay respects to all other elders before, as Ahn explains, fighting for the seeds of a date, then participating in the ritual piggyback carrying of the bride around the table where the ceremony takes place. In some ceremonies, the groom may also carry his mother or mother-in-law.

4. Finding Vendors

Vendor selection and paebaek ceremony rentals are dictated by the type of ceremony you decide to include on your wedding day. "Understanding the couple's expectations will help me understand if we should partner with a vendor to provide all the decor and attire or if it's something that I can design and produce for them," Ahn says.

On The Knot Vendor Marketplace, there are vendors that specialize in multicultural weddings, including Korean weddings, and are skilled in bringing traditions and customs to life at various budgets.

5. Who Pays for the Paebaek Ceremony?

Because the paebaek ceremony was originally a ritual that welcomed the bride into the groom's family, the groom's family was responsible for paying. Today, the couple could pay for the ceremony, the bride's family may pay or all parties may split the cost.

However, Ahn notes that she often sees this part of the wedding fall under the responsibility of the couple. "From my experience working with Korean American couples, the couples have been responsible for paying for the paebaek," Ahn says.

Paebaek Ceremony Etiquette

If you haven't been to a Korean or Korean-American wedding before, this could be your first introduction to the culture. It's a meaningful and fun experience for those involved and those watching.

Traditional Paebaek Attire

Ahn has couples who choose to wear traditional attire, as well as those who are wearing more modern versions. Traditionally, the bride will wear a hanbok, which is a classic Korean skirt and top. Over the hanbok, she will wear a red paebaek robe. The groom will also wear a blue paebaek robe.

Their parents may also wear a traditional hanbok, though it's more common for the parents to wear their Western wedding day garments for the ceremony. Guests do not need to dress in traditional attire.

Gifts During the Paebaek Ceremony

Gifts are not required during the paebaek ceremony, but parents may present their children with money in a white envelope. Guests do not need to bring gifts, though there may be a gift table present for those who do.

Piggybacking in Modern Paebaek Ceremonies

While the traditional Paebeck ceremony culminated with a piggyback ride, that's not necessarily done in modern-day ceremonies. It's completely up to the couple and their families whether it fits into their vision.

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