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Updated Oct 14, 2024Parallel Play for Adults: The Benefits of Being Alone Together
How this quiet form of intimacy can strengthen your relationship.
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Originally a term coined for child development while observing interactions during playtime, parallel play can apply to romantic relationships, too. Marrying the "me" and the "we," parallel play for adults combines our me-time with quality time. It can be something as simple as reading a book on the couch while your partner watches a movie with headphones next to you. And, surprise: this quiet form of intimacy can actually strengthen your relationship.
To learn more about parallel play for adults, we turned to two experts. And according to them, side-by-side play has plenty of benefits when it comes to romantic partnerships.
Here's how being able to find synergy in shared aloneness can better your connection.
Meet the Experts:
- Aliyah Moore Ph.D., is a certified sex therapist and expert in gender and sexuality studies
- Dr. Melissa Cook, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist
In this article:
- What is parallel play?
- How can adults engage in parallel play?
- Can you engage in parallel play in a sexual context?
- The Benefits of Being Alone Together
What is parallel play?
Parallel play is a concept coined by child development experts that can then also be applied to adult relationships, too. For children, parallel play occurs when children are sharing a play-space but are engaged in individual tasks. For example, one might be playing with Play-Doh, while the other builds with blocks. They're together, playing—but not playing together.
For adults, this transfers into more of our daily behaviors, like how we unwind after a long day at work or tackle our morning routines. Through parallel play, we can engage in individual, non-tandem activities and hobbies together—meeting our own needs and interests without excluding our partners.
According to Aliyah Moore, a certified sex therapist and relationship expert, parallel play is an important building block when it comes to intimacy in romantic relationships, as it makes space for each partner to be themselves in a safe and accepting environment.
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How can adults engage in parallel play?
Chances are, you've probably already engaged in parallel play without realizing it. For adult couples, parallel play can look like the following:
- Reading your own books in the same room, sharing a blanket
- One partner watches Youtube videos while the other engages in a craft
- Your partner does yoga while you lift weights in the same room
- Playing on separate Nintendo Switch consoles snuggled up in the couch
When thinking of ways to incorporate parallel play into your relationship, the main thing to remember is this: You should both be partaking in enjoyable, leisurely activities. (So one partner working from home while the other cooks dinner doesn't count!)
Can you engage in parallel play in a sexual context?
While it doesn't have it, of course: Parallel play for adults can also get very adult, if you catch our drift. To put it simply, parallel play can be applied to the bedroom, too.
"The concept of parallel play can be figuratively applied to couples or individuals exploring their sexuality," says Moore, who explains couples can engage in "a mutual discovery of one's own desires, preferences and boundaries in a shared environment."
In layman's terms, sexual parallel play can look like mutual masturbation or reading smut side-by-side.
"It's different from more interactive sexual experiences, as the focus here is on individual pleasure while being comforted by the presence of your partner," says Dr. Melissa Cook, a certified sex therapist. "It usually consists of you and your partner in the same room, each indulging in your own form of sexual pleasure. This could range from masturbation, watching erotica or any other solo sexual activity."
The Benefits of Being Alone Together
Parallel play is less isolating than separate play in both in and out of the bedroom. According to Moore, it can "boost both individual self-discovery and total partner connection." It offers a way for each person to meet their own needs and engage in their own interests, without being completely apart from their partner
One thing parallel play shouldn't do, though, is take the place of engaging activities, date nights or special 1:1 time. It also shouldn't take the place of some much-needed true alone time, either. Like with anything, there's a balance—and as a couple, you should work together to find yours.
