Is Unconditional Love Real? Relationship Experts Weigh In

You've heard it: Unconditional love. The idea is that, above all, those (especially romantic partners) will always love you—no matter what. It's a good idea, in theory, but the debate is still out. Is unconditional love real?

"It is possible! But the context matters," explains Kate Durocher, a dating, relationship and self-worth coach on a mission to help people build better relationships. "In close relationships, unconditional love involves accepting someone's flaws while still maintaining healthy standards for the relationship. These standards allow both people to grow together."

Still not convinced unconditional love is real? What does unconditional love mean, anyway? Is unconditional love healthy? With the help of Durocher, plus Michela Stevenson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, we've answered all of your questions on how to love unconditionally, below.

In this article:

• What Is Unconditional Love?
• Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love
• Is Unconditional Love Real?
• The Exceptions of Unconditional Love

What Is Unconditional Love?

What is unconditional love? According to Durocher, it's a type of love that, in romance, means accepting and loving your partner without conditions, even during challenges. It can exist in a healthy relationship—one that is about respecting boundaries and healthy communication—but it can also exist in less of a stable relationship, too. No matter what the challenges, you both prioritize love and respect. After all, that's what love unconditionally means.

"It's about compassion and support, but it doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or unhealthy behavior," Durocher says. "Healthy romantic relationships balance unconditional love with mutual respect and accountability."

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love

Is there a key difference between conditional love versus unconditional love? Well, yes. Unconditional love is rooted in acceptance and compassion, freely given without expectations or conditions, Durocher adds. While, on the other hand, conditional love is conditional. It depends on certain needs, desires or standards being met to maintain the relationship.

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In the same way that those two are slightly different, so are true love and unconditional love: True love is a deep connection between two people based on mutual respect, trust and shared growth. Unconditional love, however, is love without expectations or conditions. It persists regardless of circumstances but doesn't necessarily include the balance and reciprocity true love requires.

Another way to look at it? Stevenson calls out what should be conditional love, which means love that is given or withheld based on what the other person does or does not do. Unconditional love doesn't do that. To be frank, conditional love is often detrimental to the relationship (and can also be seen as a form of emotional abuse).

Is Unconditional Love Real?

You may be thinking: Does unconditional love exist, really? Yes! But not in the way most people (including you) might think. "I believe it does, but I see unconditional love as a verb, not a noun," Stevenson shares.

It is an intentional commitment, she goes on to say, and a respect towards your partner and the relationship overall. It is also about creating an environment of reciprocity—where both people can find emotional safety and support to become the best versions of themselves—and grow together over time.

It can also only exist with the promise of healthy boundaries. Without that, there can't be unconditional love. "In close relationships—like with a partner or spouse—you naturally have conditions, such as respect and kindness," Durocher says. "But without these, relationships often become unhealthy."

For example, if a partner is walking all over the other or actively disrespecting a set boundary, that isn't what experts would call unconditional love. It is real and exists because of healthy boundaries. Unconditional love without boundaries isn't sustainable in any relationship—and it makes the unconditional love definition all the more meaningful.

The Exceptions of Unconditional Love

Are there any exceptions to unconditional love? According to Durocher, while unconditional love is often described as limitless, there are exceptions, like these.

Disrespecting Boundaries

Unconditional love is never a reason to disrespect someone's boundaries or do whatever you please. If someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries, it undermines the trust and safety built in your partnership.

"I would say if someone is in a relationship where they aren't taking into account how their actions are affecting the other person and the relationship, that is not unconditional," Stevenson adds.

Conflicting Values

"If their actions violate your core beliefs, it's hard to maintain unconditional love without compromising yourself," Durocher says. If you can't reach conflict resolution without violating your own morals and values, then it's hard to say that you really love unconditionally, either.

Abuse or Harmful Behavior

Lastly, and most importantly, unconditional love never means tolerating abuse. This includes abuse of all kinds: verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, financial, isolation, intimidation and manipulation. Remember, protecting your well-being must come first.