The Ultimate List of What Not to Talk About on a First Date

After chatting on your fave dating app, you've set a day and time for your first date and you're ready to make a lasting impression. While coming up with some questions for a first date should break the ice, learning what not to talk about on a first date can also help the night go smoothly.

"Making a good first impression increases your chances of getting a second date—which is required for a relationship to even have a chance of blossoming," Sy the Love Coach, also known as Syeda, tells The Knot. But no pressure, right?

The list of topics to avoid on a first date that your parents may have adhered to might be just a wee bit outdated, though. (If political activism is an important part of your life, you should be able to mention that in a respectful, non-confrontational manner.) So we put together this ultimate list of what not to talk about on a first date to make 2024 your year for love.

1. Your ex is off-limits.

Trust us: This tried-and-true rec is still applicable. Bringing up an ex during a first date signals that you may not be quite over them yet. "If you want to create a healthy relationship," Sy explains, "it requires you to have made peace with your past, otherwise you're going to continue to project your insecurities on your new love interest."

2. Be respectful if mentioning religion

Sure, it's absolutely alright to share your faith—especially if you met on Christian Mingle or if it's a significant and important part of your life. But what's not ok, Sy says, is debating religions on your first outing together.

3. Say so long to sexual history (for now…)

When it comes to first date conversations to avoid, sexual history is usually one of them. "This is a first date and some information about you needs to be learned over time," recommends Sy. "When you share things about your sexual history off the bat, your date is more likely to focus the conversation on this topic and less likely to get to know you beyond the bedroom."

If the first date leads to sex, though (it happens!), remember that consent means informed consent and anything that could impact your date's own health should be disclosed.

4. Skip the baby drama.

Okay, okay. You should definitely share if you're a parent on a first date. But if you're a single parent, talking about drama with your ex-partner or their lack of involvement (like how you haven't received child support this month) should be off-limits.

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5. That you're clock is ticking.

Are you a person with a uterus who wants children? If you're older and partner-less, you might be highly focused on how society is screaming that your biological clock is ticking. But this falls under what not to say on a first date. "Your date wants to feel desired for who they are and not their ability to provide chromosomes," Sy says.

6. Your mental health struggles.

If you're struggling with mental health, you're encouraged to chat about it with your friends, family or therapist—but maybe don't make it the main point of conversation on a first date, says Sy. "You don't want to emotionally dump on a potential love prospect. This is something you can certainly share over time with an emotionally available partner."

7. Don't ask about salary.

First date topics to avoid? Generations before us were right about this one: It's just one of those things that should be off-limits.

Whether it's simple curiosity or a preference for a partner who can match your own career ambitions. "Your date wants to be wanted for who they are and not what they can financially bring to the table."

When you are ready to talk finances with a potential partner though, here's how to broach the topic.

8. Your deepest insecurities.

We all have insecurities and, while some level of vulnerability is great on a first date, diving into them (i.e. detailing your struggle with trust issues) is a no-fly zone during that intro meeting.

9. How awesome your date is.

Maybe this one might surprise you, but there is a fine line between complimenting your date and love bombing them.

On a first date, it's great to say you had a good time—but telling them how you've been waiting for someone like them to come into your life can be a red flag. If your date has potential and you're really into them, Sy says to compliment them once or twice so they feel appreciated and then zip the rest.

10. How busy your work-life is.

Sure, your career is important to you and should be discussed. But if that's all you talk about, warns Sy, "You're signaling to your date that you're most likely…going to have a hard time prioritizing them in a relationship."