How to Deal with Jealous Friends After Announcing Your Engagement

When not everyone is as over-the-moon as you are.
engagement ring
Photo by iStock

As news of your engagement spreads, you can expect a frenzy of congratulations and well-wishes. But while some of your pals might be popping the champagne and celebrating along with you, others might not react as happily as you had expected. It may be that your single and unmarried friends aren’t particularly discreet with their jealousy. Frankly, their feelings could stem from anything—whether it’s outright jealousy or fear of losing your friendship, it’s no time for bizarre or hurtful behavior. We’ve got some tips to help you deal.

Fear of Missing Out On Your Friendship

Put yourself in their shoes. Your good news (and it is good news!) might feel just a teensy bit negative for some of your friends, especially if you built your friendship as single guys and gals. When you make the shift from nights of barhopping to staying in for a Netflix binge with your spouse, it may be that they’re afraid of losing you. Sure, you may not go out so much anymore, and you may identify with other married couples, but that doesn’t mean you’ll ditch your single friends. Being up front about these possible worries and fears (both yours and theirs) can actually bring you closer. Assure your pal you’ll make an effort to hang, no matter what.

Ring Envy

We're not talking about jealousy over the size of your rock (though it does happen!). In all seriousness, maybe your best friend has been trying to find their someone for years or dating someone for years, twiddling their thumbs (or ring fingers) and waiting for a proposal. Be sensitive to your friend's insecurities and feelings of frustration. The truth is, not everyone’s relationship timelines fall in sync. Whenever you feel yourself mentioning the F-word (fiancé) too much, ask about your friend’s love life too. We're not saying you should never talk about your wedding again—just be aware that it may feel like salt in the wound right now, and they may need a little time to come around.

Fiancé Doubts

Do some of your closest friends have reservations about your fiancé? Consider if deep down any of their concerns might be valid. It’s important to honor the opinion of those who care about you. But if nothing feels more right to you than marrying your partner, don’t let them hold you back. If they continue to protest, tell them you appreciate their thoughts and concerns, but that you're very happy with the decision you've made and hope they support it. End of story.

Friend In Denial

It can be tough to revel in that newly-engaged feeling when you have a friend who pretends like your engagement never happened. From gown shopping to cake tasting, they disengage without any explanation. Communication is key—Politely ask what’s up and go from there, and it’s likely one of the above insecurities is causing this particular behavior.  Explain that you value their opinion and want them to be a play a part in your planning process. If they understand their opinion and support are significant to you, then they’re more likely to snap out it.