7 Signs You're in a Delusionship & How to Move On

Crushing on someone is totally normal, including cute texts volleyed back and forth between each other and some harmless social media peeping. But there's definitely a line between innocent enamoration and a straight up delusionship. So how do you spot the difference? Well, if you're already wondering if you're feeling a bit dululu over a relationship, that's a sign in and of itself that you might have crossed the threshold.

There are some other signs to be on the lookout for, too, of course. With relationship expert insights, we're covering the exact definition of a delusionship, the signs you may be in one and some proactive steps you can take to finagle your way out of this emotionally sticky situation.

Because the sooner you're out of a delusionship? The sooner you can open up the doors to a fulfilling connection.

In this article:

• What Is a Delusionship?
• Is a Delusionship Good or Bad?
• 7 Signs You're in a Delusionship
• How to Get Over a Delusionship

What Is a Delusionship?

The word "delusionship" is basically a mashup of the words "delusion" and "relationship," and is characterized as an imagined or glorified relationship that's not rooted in reality. In other words, most of the relationship is happening in your head versus in your day-to-day experience with this person.

Maybe you've built up a grander connection with someone in your head than what actually exists, or maybe you've deluded yourself into thinking that a genuine relationship may emerge when none of the signs of normal romantic progression are there.

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Delusionship vs. Crushes

A delusionship essentially takes a standard crush and dials it up to 11.

"With a crush, we may have feelings for someone (that we may or may not know) or think this person is attractive," explains therapist Leanna Stockard, LMFT. "With a delusionship, we emphasize that crush by beginning to fantasize about our life with our crush, idealizing who we think they are as a person."

The delusionship could ultimately lead to an infatuation or obsession with who we think they are, instead of who this person actually is and what our relationship with them truly looks like.

Delusionships vs. Situationships

A situationship is different from a relationship because it involves an openly expressed mutual attraction and interest between two people. In a situationship, you're actively spending time together or texting frequently, but the relationship is yet to be defined.

As Stockard notes, "A situationship may be rooted in convenience between two people, and there is a knowledge of the interest between the two of them."

Is a Delusionship Good or Bad?

A delusionship isn't necessarily bad and can sometimes be harmless. That said, since it's based on fantasy or a beefed-up version of reality, there's some potential for it to negatively impact you and your other relationships.

For example, Stockard says that if our delusionship is with someone you actually know or are getting to know, you may end up experiencing disappointment once you learn who they really are. This is particularly true if they don't live up to the fantasy you created in your mind, or if they express disinterest.

"Delusionships can also impact potential future relationships," Stockard notes. "We may find ourselves…remaining so focused on our fantasy that we keep ourselves from pursuing any real life relationships, hoping that the delusionship will work out."

7 Signs You're in a Delusionship

Not quite sure whether your situation fits the delusionship definition? Here are some signs to look out for.

1. You've Never Met Them in Person

Whether it's someone you've only texted occassionally or a public figure you've only ever seen on TV or social media, you're almost certainly experiencing a delusionship if your brain is telling you that you're together with this person or that there's a profound connection.

2. You Hardly See or Interact With Them

"Consider how often you have actually interacted with this person, what you know to be true about them and, in some cases, if they even know you exist," Sotckard urges. "If you find that there has been limited conversations, you've never actually explored their past and present and you're more focused on what your future life could be like with them, you may be in a delusionship."

3. They're Not As Engaged As You

When you're putting in all the energy and they're not reciprocating, that's a clear sign of a delusionship. This might look like taking hours or days to get back to you via text or phone, not asking you out or planning dates with you, not involving you with their daily lives, not connecting with you in a room full of people and/or not being fully present when you're 1:1.

4. They're Pursuing Other People

If they're actively dating others (and you're not openly polyamorous or non-monogamous), then that's a sign they're not committed to you or that—in their mind—you're not in a committed relationship together.

5. You're Just Having Sex

Sex buddies are great when they're defined as such, but they're not so great when both parties aren't on the same page. If you see yourself as having a full-fledged relationship with this person but your only interactions involve the physical stuff versus emotional connection, you're probably in a delusionship.

6. They're Stringing You Along

If the other person is being ambivalent about where you stand or breadcrumbing versus committing completely to trying for a future together, you might be in a delusionship. Stringing you along might look like reaching out for a date out of the blue at the last minute, expressing that they want to take the relationship to the next step without putting action to words or placating you with what you want to hear versus actively investing in your future together.

7. They've Stated They Don't Want a Relationship

Defining a relationship these days is a battle. However, if you've had the talk to determine where your relationship stands—and the other person explicitly stated they don't want a committed partnership with you—then you're not in a true relationship.

How to Get Over a Delusionship

If you've come to the realization that you're in a full-blown delusionship, it's important to move past it. Especially if it's begun to interfere with other aspects of your life or is preventing you from pursuing meaningful relationships that have real potential.

First, pull back the reins on how much you're thinking about, talking to and interacting with this person. Second, write down the facts. What do you know to be true about this relationship, and what are the signs that it's not a fulfilling, authentic connection? Marinate on these lists and come back to them whenever you're tempted to dive into the fantasy again. Also, remind yourself that you're worthy of more than this.

"It may not be easy to move on with the fantasy we have created, so we need to remember that we deserve a genuine connection that is rooted in the present," Stockard says. "We can build this confidence by remembering what our strengths are, reminding ourselves of what we have to offer a potential partner and remembering that relationships are not going to be perfect—and that there is a lot of beauty in imperfections."

It can also be helpful to talk about your delusionship with friends and family that've got your back. Their support and feedback can help bring you to the present moment and help you navigate through any challenges you have moving past this relationship.