How Financial Experts Advise Discussing and Handling Debt Before Marriage

Talking about debt before marriage with your partner is frankly easy. Many people understandably feel shame and stress around their own personal finances, and being open about them with another person can open up many fears. However, if you plan to get married, which can accrue even more of a financial burden, and join your finances with another person, having these transparent conversations is necessary.

"Setting clear and detailed financial boundaries is essential for a healthy relationship, not just during wedding planning, but throughout your life together," says Courtney Alev, consumer financial advocate at Credit Karma. "In fact, recent data from Credit Karma found that roughly one-third of Gen Z and millennials (33% and 31% respectively) say they have ended a relationship over finances, along with a quarter of Gen X. Debt can be a particularly sensitive topic, so address it early and establish a habit of open, ongoing financial discussions."

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Weddings are not a minor expense either—whether you already have debt or not. According to The Knot Couples Finance and Budgeting Study, 39% of couples were concerned about paying off other debts, such as student loans and credit cards, when setting their wedding budget. It's important as a couple to understand what wedding costs in your area look like, especially if you're paying off debt while planning. Luckily, there are tools like The Knot Budget Advisor, which is a free tool to learn about local wedding costs and build a wedding budget based on your budget priorities.

Want to be open and proactive about your finances when planning a wedding and marriage? We asked two financial experts to provide insight and advice about how to approach debt in this next phase of your life as a couple.

In this article:

• Are You Responsible for Your Spouse's Debt Before Marriage?
• Should You Pay Off Debt Before Getting Married?
• How to Discuss Debt Prior to Marriage
• How Should You Handle Debt When Planning Your Wedding

Are You Responsible for Your Spouse's Debt Before Marriage?

Nervous that your fiancé's debt from student loans, credit cards or taxes will become your own to handle once you tie the knot? While you might want to help your partner eliminate this debt, you don't have any legal obligation to. "Any debt accumulated prior to marriage remains the responsibility of the individual who incurred it, and this doesn't change once you get married," Alev explains. "The only exception to this is if you become a cosigner on a loan or become a joint account holder, in which case, you become liable for your spouse's debt as well. Once a couple gets officially married, any debt incurred from then on is the responsibility of both individuals."

The only loopholes to this? If you file a married joint return and your spouse owes taxes from before you were married, the IRS will likely keep a portion of your refund to satisfy their previous debt. Also, if you cosigned for your spouse's loan before you were married, you will be responsible for the debt. You may also become a joint owner of a credit card that your spouse had before marriage. If you do this, any debt on the card will also be your legal responsibility.

Should You Pay Off Debt Before Getting Married?

"A couple should not necessarily be debt-free before marriage," shares R.J. Weiss, CFP and founder of The Ways to Wealth. "What's more important is being open and honest about your current situation, and from there, working toward a shared vision together that's going to allow you to reach your financial goals. Make this vision—as with many things in the wedding planning process—exciting! Make it about what you want your future to look like, but do it in a way where achieving these goals is realistic. In other words, you can't say you want a home in two years if you're also going into a lot of debt to pay for a wedding. So, work toward a shared vision together, but be realistic about achieving those goals based on actual numbers, mainly your income, debt, expenses, fixed costs and savings rate."

Alev advises it's still a good idea to be proactive about debt before hosting a wedding. "Paying off debt entirely before marriage is much easier said than done, but at least attempting to get debt to a manageable place ahead of your nuptials is important, especially before taking on a potentially significant expense like a wedding," she says. "If completely paying off your debt isn't feasible, I recommend creating a plan and timeline together as a couple to gradually reduce it, focusing on high-interest debt like credit-card debt first."

How to Discuss Debt Prior to Marriage

Beginning discussions around debt incurred before marriage might feel difficult, but there are some financial advisor-approved ways to make these talks even more productive.

Lay Out Your Finances

"The first priority is having a conversation," Weiss shares. "A lot of couples, unfortunately, don't do this, or if they do, they just mention they have some debt, without specifically saying how much, what interest rates, etc. So, with marriage on the way, it's important to have the 'lay it all out' conversation, where you're essentially revealing your financial situation to one another without holding anything back. A lot of people want to just talk about general concepts, but really what's going to help you make good decisions is knowing things like income, debts, savings rate and fixed costs."

Talk About Financial Goals

When discussing your finances, it's a good idea to talk about your history as well as your goals for the future. "There's, of course, a right way and a wrong way to do this, as often couples are coming from completely different situations. So, the conversation should revolve more about what's ahead rather than about what's in the past, based on accurate financial information," he explains. "This is a chance where you can make some very positive decisions about your future and be proactive about reaching goals together." You can discuss options for approaching your finances after getting married, too, like dividing up expenses and opening a joint bank account.

Have Financial Check-Ins

"Couples tend to wait for very high-stress times to actually sit down and talk about finances—getting married, having kids or buying a house," Weiss says. "This, of course, is very important, but it's not wise to avoid the topic for years and then try and make decisions at a time when emotions are high. So, couples should really try to get on a regular routine of meeting about their financial situation, making sure they know their numbers (income, debt, fixed costs and savings rate) and from there making positive decisions about their future."

How Should You Handle Debt When Planning Your Wedding

Once you are engaged and head into the process of ideating (and paying for) your dream wedding, you might need to think even more about your debt as a couple. "Wedding planning is such a great time to get honest about your true financial situation," Weiss says. "It's a time to lay it all out and create a realistic future of what you want your financial life to look like. Make this exciting, and yes, debt that exists is going to be a part of that conversation. However, it's also about what you two can do together, what values you share, and how you're going to live through those values in years to come. So, don't make it all about debt, but also acknowledge that it's something you're going to deal with that's going to impact your financial future."

The first step in your wedding planning process is getting a clear understanding of your budget and what will come out of your own savings or add to your debt. "Before you start planning, have a conversation about how much you're able and willing to spend on your wedding to ensure you and your partner are aligned and don't run into any major disagreements leading up to the big day," Alev advises. As you lay out your budget, you and your partner should discuss the why behind wedding costs and whether certain decisions—like choosing a DJ over a band—can be better for your finances in the long run. The Knot Budget Advisor is a helpful, free tool to understand average prices in your region and give you a better idea of costs as you go into planning. You can also find vendors at different price points on The Knot Vendor Marketplace to see which wedding professionals could align with both your budget and your vision.

Need to find ways to keep track of wedding debt? Some couples might create a wedding savings account that allows you to build a nest egg to spend on celebration expenses. Sites like Plenty, Monarch Money and Domain Money are valuable resources to help you toward achieving your financial goals, and you might even look into the best budgeting apps for couples to strategically manage your finances together. If you are working through debt, it's also a great idea to look into ways to save with free wedding items or any side hustles that can help make extra wedding money.

Of course, it is possible to put certain expenses for your wedding on a credit card or by taking out wedding loans. "While taking on debt for a wedding is not advisable, if you anticipate taking on more debt from your wedding, it's important to create a plan for what paying that off will look like," Alev says. "If you and your partner are the ones paying for the wedding, remember that the actual costs of each expense will be significantly higher with interest charges if you have to carry a balance, and could delay other financial milestones like buying a home. Make sure to think long and hard about what's most important to you before taking on debt."

Weiss adds, "High-interest debt is what can cause significant financial setbacks, as well as stress. While it might seem okay because it's one of the biggest days of your life, taking on credit card debt for a wedding, in many ways, can be doing your marriage a disservice by bringing on a lot of financial commitments early on in your relationship."