But Really, Why Are Weddings So Expensive? Let's Talk About Budgets

You might be thinking to yourself, "Seriously though, why are weddings so expensive?" Here's the thing, that isn't such a simple question to unpack. Is it that weddings are more expensive nowadays or that engaged folks simply aren't aware of how much weddings cost? Yes. Wait, what? Both situations are true and affect engaged couples' understanding of wedding budgets. I spoke with multiple talented wedding planners to understand the nuances that go into wedding budgets so you can approach your unique circumstance from an informed spot.

You probably never wondered how much a caterer or DJ charges before you got engaged. Furthermore, you likely didn't even know the average wedding cost, much less that the figure has been rising over the years. So where does that leave you? Don't fret: You absolutely can have a wedding that balances your priorities in a reasonable, affordable way. And the best way to plan a wedding that works for your finances is to educate yourself as much as possible.

In this story:

• What's the Wedding Tax?
• Why Are Weddings So Expensive?

What's the Wedding Tax?

Have you ever heard someone posit that you can save money on a wedding vendor by simply not telling them you're planning a wedding and pretending it's just a party? That's the lore connected to the wedding tax, a false idea that you're automatically charged more for a service because it's a wedding. "There is a myth that if you put the word 'wedding' in front of any service, like wedding photography, wedding bakery, etc it is more expensive," explains wedding planner Megan Grose, founder of Brindle + Oak in Denver.

FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT

Here's why perpetuating the idea of the wedding tax is harmful. One, it simply isn't true. You might have sticker shock when you hear how much a wedding costs, but that isn't because pros are trying to scam you. Rather, you're probably just starting to learn about wedding prices and realizing they differ from a run-of-the-mill dinner party (more on that later).

Secondly, lying to the vendors you want to hire is a truly terrible idea. Trying to skirt the so-called wedding tax is not a smart way to save money on a wedding. Vendors will see right through you (they're professionals after all, they've seen it all). Plus, you'll be establishing a negative rapport with the very folks you should be cultivating trust with ahead of such a major event.

Pro tip: Can you write off wedding expenses? While the wedding tax isn't a thing, there are actually a few expenses you can write off of your taxes. So if anything, the wedding tax is actually a tax deduction for the financially savvy.

As you start to understand and digest why weddings are so expensive, the key is to moderate expectations, explains Holly Gray, a Los Angeles wedding planner who owns Anything But Gray Events. "While engaged couples are shocked by wedding costs, they also are often unable to curb their expectations or wants. While we all want it all, we can't have it all. That in itself, is OK," she explains. From there, you can decide how to pay for your wedding based on what your budget allows for and adjust your expectations accordingly, Gray says. Grose adds this advice: "Build your budget, be transparent with your vendors about your budget, and plan for an incredible production celebrating the two of you!"

Why Are Weddings So Expensive?

Seeing one big number might be causing you some overwhelm. I get it—That's why understanding the elements that go into the total wedding expense will help guide you as you prioritize and establish your wedding budget.

Lack of Awareness Around Production Scope

If you asked me, an East Coast-based wedding editor, what the going rate is for an intellectual property attorney in Los Angeles or even how much a trauma surgeon in Seattle makes, I would simply have no idea of an accurate number for either. That's because those services are not things I've come into contact with regularly and, therefore, I am not up-to-date on the going market rates. Similarly, for no fault of their own, most couples are unaware of standard wedding prices.

"It is not a surprise that some engaged couples are floored by wedding prices," says Gray. "For most of us, hosting a wedding is something we only do once in our lifetime. It's unrealistic to believe that the cost of weddings is something that would be familiar for people who have never had the experience first-hand." Katherine Healy Brown, founder and director of events at Clover Events & Productions in Chicago, explains that having empathy for couples when it comes to budget education is key. "It helps to start the [budget] conversation by normalizing those feelings they may have," says the pro.

Lauren Doll, the owner of Dream Co Planning, an affordable wedding planning company based in California. Doll, who has an MBA, goes on to explain that "most people have never ordered bulk flower arrangements or secured a venue for 100 guests." You might be thinking, "duh, that's obvious." But the thing is, since you've never encountered the unique journey that is planning a wedding, you also haven't come face-to-face with wedding prices.

Doll's advice for couples is to "think about a service you've experienced and multiply that by 20. (This rule works well for weddings that have a guest count of 50-100 people.) This trick might help give you an idea of what a wedding would cost per service. For example, let's say you're purchasing a beautiful floral bouquet for your partner for a special occasion. That arrangement might run around $150–$200. Multiply that by 20 and you'll get an estimate of what flowers might cost for your wedding–around $4,000. If you're going out to dinner at a nice restaurant and the bill comes out to $400 for four people, multiply that by 20 and you get a rough estimate of what your food might cost–$8,000 for 80 guests. That's $100 per person," says the pro. "This is not a foolproof way to estimate wedding costs, but it can help people with no party planning experience understand bulk pricing."

Another way to understand regional wedding prices? Dive into our free wedding budget tool to gain more insight into how much weddings cost in your locale.

Increased Personalization

Weddings these days are not your mama's, or grandma's, weddings. Gray explains that, for the most part, "the weddings our parents and grandparents had, unless we are Hiltons or Vanderbilts, were much simpler and more moderate than the over-the-top wedding productions that are more standard practice today."

And here's the thing, that isn't a bad thing, it's just different in scope and cost. "Our grandparents did not have photo booths, mashed potato bars, multiple gown changes, or drone videographers," notes Gray. "With changing times and expectations, comes changing costs of goods, services, and labor."

Grose goes on to note that "you are basically building the biggest party of your life from scratch, needing a venue to house your guests for the celebration, some decorations to help enhance said building, something to entertain your guests like music. You also need to feed those guests, something to wear, and after all of the investments to make a big production, someone to capture those memories so you can go back and visit those incredible moments in detail for years to come. You need professionals in your corner to ensure you get to enjoy this big celebratory production which comes at a cost."

The shift toward personalization is a major reason that Healy Brown emphasizes the importance of setting a wedding budget early on. "Setting a budget at the very beginning of planning is the best thing couples can do to manage their expectations around wedding costs. It allows for us to work with couples to set their priorities from the start–if band and food are the most important to them, then we can prioritize spending in those areas and de-prioritize other areas."

Staff

Grose's note above couldn't be more accurate: You need professionals to ensure your wedding comes together, and that comes at a cost. "Weddings are expensive because there are a lot of moving parts, people, and services involved," adds Doll. "When you hire service professionals, you can expect their expertise is going to be expensive."

It's easy to understand that wedding catering is an investment because you can see the plate of chicken you're serving guests. But the cost of that dish isn't just based on the ingredients, staffing is a hidden wedding cost that is necessary, but adds to the overall price you're responsible for.

Grose explains that part of the reason couples are surprised by prices is because they compare them to similar real-life expenses they're familiar with. However, it's not an apples-to-apples comparison. "For example, if you go out to eat and your bill is $175, you probably, and hopefully, had an epic date night," explains the pro. However, Grose goes on to explain that $175 per guest for wedding catering won't go as far as you'd expect and isn't necessarily on-par with the date night you're envisioning. Why? Because a lot of behind-the-scenes staff work takes place (from creating your estimate to prepping and delivering your food) that you might not even realize. "You are not only paying for the chicken but the experience for you and your guests," emphasizes Grose.

And catering isn't the only wedding vendor where this holds true. Similarly, Grose estimates that any flower that's used in your decor has been touched by at least four to eight staff from the growing stage through to the warehouse and design phase before it lands at your event.

Broader Economic Shifts

It's not breaking news that nationwide consumer inflation rose significantly in 2022 and 2023. Although those figures have settled out a bit, the reality is that things—from groceries and apartments to wedding flowers and catering—cost more than they did a few years ago. To help you navigate changing economic times, The Knot built a wedding budget tool to help couples more accurately explore pricing in their area and plan realistically based on their unique financial situation.