What Does a Healthy Marriage Look Like? Traits and Marriage Tips

Healthy marriage tips for newlyweds and beyond.
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Hayley Folk
by
Hayley Folk
Hayley Folk
Hayley Folk
The Knot Contributor
  • Hayley writes articles on a freelance basis for The Knot Worldwide, with a specialty in sex and relationships.
  • Her work has appeared in The Knot, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29 and more.
  • Prior to The Knot Worldwide, Hayley was a full-time editor at a business publication.
Updated Jan 15, 2025

You may have a pretty good idea of what comes with marriage—like sharing household responsibilities, growing your relationship skills, getting to spend time together and, of course, learning to communicate with your partner—but when it comes down to it, what actually makes for a truly healthy marriage?

"In essence, a healthy relationship is one where both partners feel supported, understood and valued, even during difficult times," says Alexa Andre, sexologist and relationship expert.

But what does a healthy marriage look like in practice? Is there a way to learn how to maintain a healthy marriage? Whether you're wondering if intimacy in marriage is important or you're trying to determine if you're ready to tie the knot, we've got answers—with the expertise of Andre and sex educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom. If you're looking to achieve true marriage goals, here are our expert-approved healthy marriage tips to consider, below.

In this article:

What Is a Healthy Marriage?

For starters, what is a healthy marriage? A healthy marriage, according to both Davis-Fainbloom and Andre, is one that includes trust, open communication and mutual respect.

"In a healthy relationship, partners should feel safe bringing up tough topics and confident that, even when beliefs differ, they will be heard," Davis-Fainbloom says. "Partners should view themselves as a team, willing to compromise and make daily efforts to enhance their life together."

Just as important in healthy marriages, though, is having differences, too. Partners can and should have different hobbies, lifestyles, backgrounds or wildly different tastes in film. As long as a foundation of mutual respect and strong communication exists, it can be considered a healthy, thriving relationship.

10 Traits of a Healthy Marriage

Next up, what are some traits of a healthy marriage? Whether you've already said "I do" or you're simply just curious about the future, here are some characteristics of a healthy marriage to look out for.

Healthy Conflict Negotiation

One of the biggest healthy marriage tips, Davis-Fainbloom says, involves developing strategies to manage disagreements. After all, every marriage will have them from time to time. "It's important to take the time to process emotions and approach tough conversations constructively," she suggests. "Also, learning from past disagreements and fighting loops is crucial! Without it, history will repeat itself."

Physical Affection

Does physical affection matter in marriage? The answer, of course, depends on you and your partner's interest in it. But if that's your thing, it does help maintain intimacy and connection. For a bit of healthy marriage advice, consider holding hands, cuddling, kissing on the lips and intimacy.

Avoiding "Never" and "Always" Statements

Another sign of qualities of a healthy marriage? If partners avoid using "never" and "always" statements. "These tend to be overly general and rarely reflect the full picture, which can lead to misunderstandings," Andre says. "It's healthier to focus on specific behaviors and communicate in a more nuanced way."

There's Humor

Although you might not think of this right off the bat, another sign of a healthy marriage is when humor is infused throughout it. After all, humor allows partners to find joy—and navigate life's absurdities together—a necessary component of a long-lasting and healthy union.

Shared Responsibilities

This one might seem more obvious: shared responsibilities. "One partner should not be doing all the physical or emotional labor," Davis-Fainbloom says.

Making sure that things are divided up (like who cooks dinner, does the laundry or picks the kiddos up from school) ensures fairness in the emotional and physical labor of the relationship.

Growth Together

Another absolutely essential piece of advice for a healthy marriage? Growth! It is so important for both partners to support each other in individual development while also growing together as a couple.

Flexibility

Does each partner in your union have the freedom to adjust their dreams and explore new opportunities? If not, you should consider trying to be more flexible. In a healthy marriage, your shared and individual goals are going to be different today than they will be in five years—and being able to be malleable is a sign of a great partnership. "Flexibility allows each partner the freedom to adjust dreams and explore new opportunities," Davis-Fainbloom explains.

Practicing Vulnerability

Don't discount vulnerability. It is one of the biggest traits of a healthy marriage. When you and your spouse are vulnerable with one another, it creates a safe space for sharing insecurities and imperfections without fear of judgment.

Security and Independence

Another tell-tale sign of a healthy marriage is security and independence. "Partners should feel confident enough in themselves and the relationship to spend time apart without worry," Davis-Fainbloom explains. "If your partner can't make Thanksgiving and you have to be without each other for five days, it shouldn't feel like the world might end."

How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage

Now that we know the signs of a healthy marriage and how you can do the hard work to maintain a healthy marriage over time, try this.

Weekly Check-ins

It's not cringe to have check-ins! Weekly ones, Davis-Fainbloom adds, provide an opportunity to discuss what is going well in the relationship, share personal highlights, shake what isn't working in a safe space and align on shared goals.

Validate Each Other's Feelings

"When your partner comes to you with something that hurt or bothered them, it's important to listen and validate their feelings, even if it wasn't your intention to cause harm," Andre says. "Accountability strengthens the bond and shows emotional maturity."

Prioritize Meaningful Time

A big one? Spend meaningful time together! "This could involve planning surprise dates or exploring new experiences to keep the relationship dynamic and engaging," Davis-Fainbloom suggests.

Effective Communication, Even During Space

"Instead of using the silent treatment, it's crucial to communicate your needs for space," Andre tells us. "Let your partner know you'll return to the conversation when you're ready. This keeps the door open for connection without feelings of abandonment."

Practicing Perspective-Taking

Have you ever wished that your spouse could see things from your perspective? Chances are, they have, too. That's why practicing perspective-taking is so helpful in healthy marriages. "This practice helps partners understand each other better during disagreements, breaking unproductive argument cycles and fostering empathy," Davis-Fainbloom says.

Staying Present in Discussions

If you really want to know how to have a healthy marriage, start by being present in the here and now. Bringing up past issues during a current conversation can derail your progress.

Avoid Comparisons

"Comparing your partner to past relationships or others is harmful and unproductive," Andre says. "It undermines their unique qualities and prevents the relationship from growing in its own right." It's best to avoid those altogether!

Respect and Kindness

Above all, have respect and kindness for one another. Contempt, disrespect and name-calling are among the strongest predictors of divorce or breakups, Andre says. Cultivating a respectful tone, even in disagreements, helps maintain trust and connection—and a strong, healthy marriage for years to come.

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