Dirty Talk 101: How to Talk Dirty During Sex With Confidence

Does it seem like some people naturally have that thing in the bedroom? They move with confidence, say what comes to their mind and get themselves where they (and their partner) need to go. But here's a secret: You too can be so bold—especially if you learn how to talk dirty.

It's not just a sexy trend, either. Scientifically speaking, dirty talk (on the phone or IRL) actually works to activate the erogenous zones of our brains—the hypothalamus and amygdala—to really get things steamy. In one study, it was shown that 7 in 10 people have done the dirty talk deed in the last year, and 90 percent who did felt aroused by the right erotic talk with their partner. To us, that's pretty high odds of giving your partner the pleasure they crave.

But what if you don't know how to talk dirty during sex? What if the thought of how to start dirty talk makes you cringe with potential embarrassment? To help give you the 101 on all things dirty talk, we recruited the help of Sophie Cress, a licensed marriage and family therapist, who shares how to talk dirty in bed, below.

In this article:

• What is Dirty Talk?
• How to Start Dirty Talk
• How to Talk Dirty During Sex
• Examples of Dirty Talk You Can Try

What is Dirty Talk?

First things first: What is dirty talk? According to Cress, it is the use of sexually explicit or suggestive words to increase arousal and enhance the sexual experience. Think of it as a type of verbal communication that specifically draws on fantasy, desire and closeness. It can be used during sexting or in a real-life romp.

What it entails, however, is all up to the folks having the experience together. When learning how to dirty talk, know that the language used might range from subtle and suggestive to graphic, depending on your and your partner's comfort level and preferences.

"It's important to note that dirty talk isn't just about the words themselves; it's also about tone, timing and context," Cress says. "The purpose is to create a more immersive and stimulating experience for both partners. When done consensually and respectfully, dirty talk can become a powerful tool to build intimacy, confidence and mutual satisfaction in a relationship." When done in the right way, adding a dirty conversation or two into your sex sessions can even help you and your partner connect on a deeper level.

How to Start Dirty Talk

OK, so you want to know how to talk dirty in bed. That desire, in itself, is a great first step. If you haven't done it before or you haven't explored with your current partner, but you're intrigued, then you're in the right place. "Starting dirty talk with your partner involves sensitivity and communication. It's critical to first assess their comfort level with the concept by bringing it up in a non-sexual context," Cress explains. "You may say something like, 'I've been thinking about how we can spice things up in the bedroom. How would you feel about engaging in some nasty talk?'"

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By bringing it up in a non-sexual context first, there is room for an open conversation regarding limits, comfort zones and expectations between you and your partner. Plus, being straightforward but compassionate makes both partners feel heard and valued.

Once you and your partner are open to the idea, we recommend these tips to begin:

• Start slowly—begin with subtle, suggestive comments to test the waters and always pay attention to your partner's reactions.
• Gradually, as both of you become more comfortable, you can introduce more explicit language.
• Remember, the key is mutual consent and enjoyment. Dirty talk should be a shared experience that enhances intimacy, not something that makes either partner uncomfortable.

How to Talk Dirty During Sex

We get it: Learning how to talk dirty to someone might feel intimidating (or even embarrassing) at first. But it doesn't have to be. In fact, when you're exploring how to get better at dirty talk, the key is often confidence and authenticity—even if you have to fake it till you make it. "Speak in a tone that feels natural to you—whether that's playful, sultry or assertive," Cress says. "It's important to stay present and respond to the moment, allowing your words to flow from what you're genuinely feeling and experiencing."

If you're new to dirty talk, she also recommends starting with simple, descriptive phrases that focus on what you enjoy or what you'd like your partner to do. For example, expressing how good something feels or how much you want them can be a great start.

"Another tip is to use your partner's name or preferred pet name; it personalizes the experience and adds an intimate touch," she says. "Don't be afraid to mix in compliments or affirmations, such as telling your partner how attractive they are or how much they turn you on." After all, the goal of learning how to dirty talk to a woman, a man or a person at any point of the gender spectrum is to enhance pleasure for both of you.

Examples of Dirty Talk You Can Try

If you're new to dirty talk, start with semi-PG phrases that are suggestive, yet tasteful. For example, you might say:

• "I love the way you touch me."
• "You make me feel so good."
• "I like when you do that with your tongue."

Another approach is to express your desires in a way that hints at more explicit content without being too graphic. You could try saying something like:

• "I can't wait to feel you closer."
• "I love it when you kiss me like that."
• "I'm imagining your fingers in my hair."

Lastly, Cress recommends that asking questions that invite participation from your partner can be a way to get you both in the mood to explore dirty talk together. Try asking your partner:

• "Do you like it when I do this?"
• "How does that feel?"
• "Harder or softer?"

No matter how you choose to embrace learning how to dirty talk, there is no wrong way to do it, as long as you're both consenting and have open communication about boundaries, preferences and play. Remember, it doesn't have to be that serious, either. Keep it playful, consensual and, of course, fun. Happy dirty talk!