Questions for Couples to Reconnect and Rebuild Your Relationship

Get to connecting again.
Couple sitting on couch talking to each other
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Hayley Folk
Hayley Folk
Hayley Folk
Hayley Folk
The Knot Contributor
  • Hayley writes articles on a freelance basis for The Knot Worldwide, with a specialty in sex and relationships.
  • Her work has appeared in The Knot, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29 and more.
  • Prior to The Knot Worldwide, Hayley was a full-time editor at a business publication.
Updated Feb 20, 2024

Whether you've been in a relationship for six months, or seriously committed for 15 years, there is one thing you should keep on your radar: It's *totally* normal to feel disconnected from your lover from time to time. In fact, most couples would tell you they've felt the pang of disconnection at some point, but luckily, coming together again doesn't have to be a struggle. Sometimes, it just starts with asking the right questions—like these 30 questions to reconnect with your partner, below.

"It is important to reconnect with your significant other to avoid the trap of 'roommate syndrome,'" Nicole Kleiman-Reck, a licensed mental health counselor with over 20 years of experience tells The Knot, "Which is when you both simply co-exist and lose the adventure in your relationship."

Reconnecting with your partner starts here. Ditch roommate syndrome, find playfulness in your partnership again, reignite the fire in all the right areas and feel more in-tune with your significant other. We've got the lowdown on conversation starters with these 30 questions for couples to reconnect, below.

In this article:

What to Talk About with Your Partner to Reconnect

There are a lot of reasons you and your partner may feel a disconnect. If you've been in a long-term relationship, you both lead extremely busy lives, you've started expanding your family or even if you're focusing on following your lifelong dream, a disconnect can happen. But you're not alone in that; so many folks deal with disconnection and reconnection over the span of their relationships. Thankfully, you've come to the right place to get back on track.

Want to know what to talk about with your spouse to reconnect? According to Kleiman-Reck, reconnecting with your partner starts with how you show up. Think about how you'd want your partner to show up for you, and what would make you feel seen and heard, and start there. If you show up, and you're being intentional and loving, that's what matters most. Plus, you don't have to start with anything super serious. Beginning to reconnect doesn't have to mean having a one-on-one serious chat over dinner. You can start simple by talking about things that are anything but serious, even.

"Being playful (why not send a fun text?), attentive, intentional and prioritizing your relationship will usually make connecting seamless," she says, "Turning toward your partner by asking how their day was, initiating a date night, making their favorite meal, complimenting them and offering to help (especially after a rough day) are all simple ways to connect with your partner which yield a big result when done consistently."

Remember: the context of asking questions can make a big difference too. If you look at asking questions to help couples reconnect as a light-hearted activity, versus something heavy and serious, it's bound to be less intimidating and even—dare we say it—fun!

15 Questions for Couples to Reconnect

"Questions are a great way to add playfulness to a relationship," Kleiman-Reck reminds us. If you're looking for the perfect questions to reconnect with your partner after a dry-spell in the emotional or intimate department with your boyfriend, your girlfriend or partner, these are our expert-backed recommendations, below.

  • What would your ideal date with me be?
  • What are three things you appreciate about our relationship?
  • What's one thing you are most proud of in your life?
  • If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
  • What inspires you to get out of bed in the morning?
  • What do you remember most about our first date?
  • What brings you the greatest pleasure each day?
  • How do you like to be shown love?
  • What would your most perfect day look like?
  • What is one thing I've done for you that you thought was romantic?
  • Would you still love me if I was a worm?
  • If you could go back in time to any day, what would it be and why?
  • What is your favorite way to relax with me?
  • What act of service do you appreciate most?
  • What was one win that you had today?

15 Questions for Married Couples to Reconnect

What about questions for married couples to reconnect? Obviously, if you're married, the set of conversation starters might look a little different than if you've only been dating for a few months. But with the help of Kleiman-Reck, we've put together the most inspiring questions to ask your spouse to reconnect, below.

  • What's something that you think I'm good at that I may not realize?
  • If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would that be and why?
  • What is your best memory from our wedding day?
  • How have I shown up for you in the past that made you feel seen and how can I recreate that in our future together?
  • What things in your life bring you the greatest pleasure?
  • What family member do you most admire?
  • When did you know you wanted to marry me?
  • What are your favorite things to spend money on?
  • What is a sexual fantasy you have or had?
  • What is your favorite memory of us?
  • How do you envision us together when we grow old?
  • What is a moment you'll always remember from our early days of dating?
  • How can I show up for you when you're stressed?
  • Is there a chore around the house that I can do that you don't like to do?
  • If I buy the ingredients, what's a good dessert we can make together?
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