5 Signs of a Codependent Relationship You Really Ought to Know

Here's the thing: relationship dynamics can be tricky, complicated and can truly come in all shapes and sizes. But TBH, we've probably all either known someone (or been the one in) what is commonly called a codependent relationship.

But are codependent relationships always a negative thing? What are the codependent relationship signs? And can you learn how to be less codependent in a relationship?

If you're looking to offer a helping hand to someone in this type of dynamic—or are in one yourself—we've got the scoop on all things codependency below.

In this article:

• What Is a Codependent Relationship?
• 5 Signs of a Codependent Relationship
• How to Fix a Codependent Relationship

What Is a Codependent Relationship?

You might have heard of the phrase before, but maybe you're not entirely sure what it means. "A codependent relationship is an imbalanced partnership where one person excessively relies on the other for emotional support, validation and care, often at the cost of their own needs and well-being," explains Bayu Prihandito, a certified psychology expert and life coach, the founder of the Life Architekture and relationships specialist. Essentially, it's like having a deeply ingrained belief that your worth is tied to how much you 'care for' or 'fix' the other person.

According to Prihandito, this dynamic can be caused by many different things, including a lack of self-esteem, fear of abandonment or having grown up in an environment where such patterns were modeled.

Some Common Causes of Codependent Relationships

• Childhood Experiences: Codependency can also often stem from early childhood experiences that shape our understanding of relationships. Growing up in an environment where emotional needs were not adequately met or where there was dysfunction (such as addiction or abuse) can set the stage for codependent behaviors later in life.
• Low Self-Esteem: Folks with low self-esteem are also more prone to becoming codependent. A lack of self-confidence and a constant need for external validation can make a person vulnerable to seeking approval and validation from others.
• Enabling Behaviors: Codependency can also arise from enabling behaviors, where one person assumes the role of a caretaker or rescuer in the relationship. This can be driven by a desire to feel needed or to maintain a sense of control, leading to an unhealthy reliance on the other person's struggles or problems.
• Fear of Abandonment: The fear of being alone or abandoned can contribute to codependency, too. In an attempt to avoid rejection or abandonment, individuals may compromise their own needs and boundaries to prioritize the needs of their partner above their own.

5 Signs of a Codependent Relationship

If you suspect that either you, your partner or even a loved one of yours is in this type of relationship, it's important to be able to recognize those telltale codependent relationship signs early. According to Prihandito, there are five big ones to watch out for.

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1. Difficulty making decisions

In a codependent relationship, one partner might struggle to make decisions without seeking reassurance or approval from the other. Prihandito says this is a classic sign of codependency.

2. Having almost no personal boundaries

Let's be clear: having no personal boundaries is not a healthy thing. In codependency relationships, there's often a blurred line between helping and enabling, leading to resentment and a loss of personal identity.

3. Emotional dependency

"One partner's mood and self-esteem [may] become heavily reliant on the other," Prihandito says. "[This] leads to a cycle where their emotional well-being is tied to the relationship."

4. Neglecting personal needs

This is a big one when it comes to signs of a codependent relationship. In a quest to always please or care for their partner, a codependent individual will often neglect their own needs, passions and relations with their friends and family.

5. Losing themselves

Lastly, if someone finds themselves in a codependent relationship, they'll often lose their sense of self. This could look like no longer doing things they care about as often, choosing to be with their partner 24/7 instead of spending time with others or neglecting their personal responsibilities.

How to Fix a Codependent Relationship

If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, know that it's not all doom and gloom. If you see signs of it, learning how to fix a codependent relationship is not only possible but probable with the right resources—like the ones here.

For the codependent partner

Develop self-awareness

By recognizing and acknowledging codependent behaviors, you can grow and learn, while removing certain habits from your everyday. Mindfulness practices such as meditation or journaling can be a helpful tool here.

Set boundaries

You deserve to have your own hobbies, needs, friends and more. To get the most out of your life and relationship, learn to say no and prioritize your needs. It's not being selfish—it's actually self-care!

Seek support

We know, we know: Everyone always recommends therapy. But seeking support through therapy or local groups can provide the necessary guidance and techniques to break codependent patterns.

For those with a codependent partner

Encourage independence

Are you the one with a codependent partner? Try encouraging independence. Motivate your partner to pursue their interests and foster a sense of self outside the relationship.

Communicate openly

Communication is certainly key. By communicating openly, you can discuss your feelings and encourage your partner to express theirs without judgment or the need to 'fix' them. You won't be sorry you said what you needed and heard their perspective, too.

Support their growth

Lastly, you should always try to aim to be supportive—but avoid enabling codependent behaviors if you spot them in time. It's a delicate balance between being supportive and not perpetuating the cycle.