What to Do If Your Maid of Honor Isn't Helping Plan Your Bach Party

Picture this: You got engaged, you planned adorable bridesmaids proposals, and now you and your friends are excitedly counting down the days to your wedding. There's probably a wedding shower on the horizon, dress shopping dates, and maybe even a bach party too. But what happens if you notice your maid of honor is not planning the bachelorette party, or any wedding celebration for that matter?

It's certainly not ideal. In a perfect world, wedding planning would go off without a hitch. But no matter how organized you are, there may be a few hiccups along the way. Not to worry: As your wedding planning bestie, we're here to help you through every planning question and stressful situation that could pop up. Of course, if you realize your maid of honor is not doing anything, this can be a tricky situation to navigate. That's why we've put together this helpful guide on how to handle any MOH problems that come your way. Instead of panicking, read up on our top tips below—because we've got your back.

Set expectations from the start.

A maid of honor not doing anything may seem like one of the biggest wedding nightmares. And although it's an unlikely scenario (especially if you've asked a close friend or family member), it could happen. The last thing you want is for a bridesmaid or groomsman to dampen your wedding experience, so we recommend setting expectations from the start to avoid frustration or miscommunication down the line.

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When you plan your maid of honor proposal, think about what that role means to you. Do you want your MOH to take over planning duties for events like the shower and bachelorette party? Do you want them to share planning responsibilities with fellow bridesmaids, or even your family members? If you have a clear vision of what you want, be sure to communicate it as soon as possible—she can't read your mind, after all. (In fact, lack of communication is one of the biggest pet peeves bridesmaids have.) Talking about your vision will also help your MOH know what's expected of her throughout the engagement. Just be sure to keep your expectations realistic; While you may dream of having a multi-day international bach bash, for example, your MOH likely has other responsibilities on her plate, so try to keep your aspirations in check with what's realistic for her.

Talk to her directly.

Let's say you've already set expectations months ago, but now your bachelorette party dates are approaching and an Airbnb isn't booked or no activities are planned. Instead of worrying in silence, talk to your MOH directly, perhaps over a FaceTime or a coffee date. If she's struggling to manage planning duties by herself, you may need to step in by asking additional bridesmaids or family members to help—or, maybe some plans need to be adjusted. The most important thing is to approach this conversation without an accusatory tone, as this may exacerbate the issue. Try to remain flexible and empathetic, and be willing to compromise. After all, your wedding should be a fun experience for everyone involved, rather than a stressful one.

Avoid ranting with others.

If your maid of honor isn't doing anything, it can be tempting to vent your frustrations, especially with a mutual friend or a fellow bridesmaid who "gets it." While this could take the theoretical weight off your shoulders in the moment, ranting about your MOH can cause more harm than good. Remember that she is a loved one, after all, and venting won't be a long-term solution. Plus, consider this: You don't want to say anything behind her back that you wouldn't say to her face. Gossiping among your wedding party can lead to feelings of toxicity and exclusion, and that's certainly not the vibe you want for your big day. While everyone is prone to a vent session every once in a while, try to keep your negative feelings at bay.

Ask other bridesmaids or family members for help.

Instead of ranting, consider productive ways you can alleviate this bridesmaid problem. If your MOH doesn't have the time to plan your bachelorette party (or won't take the initiative), try asking fellow bridesmaids or family members for help. Perhaps a few other bridesmaids can step in and help take over party planning duties—you might even want to enlist the help of a sibling or a cousin. Lean on your trusted loved ones to help navigate this tough situation. (Just make sure that anyone you ask for help is also invited to the actual trip.) If you're really in a pinch, consider looking into professional bach party planning services, like Bach to Basic or Got Your Bash.

Schedule frequent check-ins with your wedding party.

If your maid of honor isn't planning your bachelorette party, this may be the result of a breakdown in communication. To prevent this from becoming a recurring issue, have frequent check-ins with your wedding party. While it's generally expected for bridesmaids and groomsmen to support the couple, it's just as important for you to reciprocate that energy.

Making consistent opportunities to chat about wedding plans will keep everyone on the same page and limit miscommunications. Talking to them one-on-one will give them the chance to open up about how they're feeling, and if they need additional support from you and your fiance. And, if anyone is feeling confused or unsure of what's needed of them, this will help alleviate that stress

Maintain perspective.

Here's the deal: It's certainly frustrating if your maid of honor isn't planning your bachelorette party, but maintain the perspective that it's not worth jeopardizing a friendship. If you can, try to be understanding and recognize that it may not be personal, and they may have a lot going on in their life. Work with your MOH by establishing a clear line of communication, and offer to help as needed—or delegate planning duties to other loved ones. Your bachelorette party (and your wedding as a whole) should be a great experience for everyone, and it's important to do what you can to maintain positive group energy.