13 Common Pet Peeves Bridesmaids Wish Brides Knew

We asked, and real bridesmaids spilled the tea—here's what they said.
Bridesmaids lined up during wedding ceremony
nadtochiy/Shutterstock.com
sarah hanlon associate editor the knot
by
Sarah Hanlon
sarah hanlon associate editor the knot
Sarah Hanlon
Associate Editor
  • Sarah is an Associate Digital Editor for The Knot, with special focuses in fashion, pop culture and wedding trends.
  • Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Sarah was a contributing writer for Bravo at NBC Universal.
  • Sarah has a degree in journalism and resides in New York City.
Updated May 27, 2022

There's no denying that being a bridesmaid is a huge honor—and while your besties are incredibly excited to celebrate your big day with you, there are some things they wish you knew. While their job as a wedding party member is to support you and your fiance, it's important to reciprocate the energy back to them. As the one getting married, there are a number of ways you can make the experience enjoyable for everyone in your group. Because, let's be real: Although bridesmaids might have strong opinions about a destination bach party or an expensive dress, they might not feel comfortable sharing it outright.

To fill you in on how bridesmaids really feel, we asked The Knot's Instagram followers to share their top pet peeves they wish all brides knew. Below, get the scoop on the most common ways bridesmaids get frustrated, and be sure to avoid them to keep your crew feeling happy and supported.

Not Introducing the Group Right Away

Once you've asked your friends to have a role in your wedding party, bring the group together for an introduction, perhaps over brunch or happy hour at your place. Facilitating the first meeting between your 'maids is a great way to break the ice and have your besties get to know each other, especially if they don't already. Bringing your friends together in person will be way more fun than doing it over text—once they've made the personal connection, your bridesmaid group chat will feel much more authentic, rather than awkward. This is also a great way to squash any unwanted drama from the start. Fostering a warm group environment will make everyone feel welcomed and excited to celebrate your big day.

Setting Unclear Cost Requirements

The cost of being a bridesmaid can quickly add up, especially in a year as busy as 2022. As much as your besties want to support you, monetary requirements play a huge role in whether or not they can accept your bridesmaid proposal. Be clear about what you'd like your crew to pay for ahead of time, so they can use the information to make a decision. If you have your heart set on a tropical bach party in Palm Springs, for example, don't wait until the last minute to say so. While talking about money might feel awkward at first, it's absolutely necessary for everyone to be on the same page from the very beginning.

Not Being Honest About What You Want

In keeping with the theme of honest communication, it's crucial to share your dreams and expectations. If you *really* want a Bridgerton-themed tea party bridal shower, for example, tell someone! The only way your bridesmaids can make your vision come to life is if you communicate it. After all, keeping your wedding hopes bottled up inside will only lead to frustration and disappointment.

Not Delegating Tasks Early

As much as you want your friends to read your mind, they can't. Honest and transparent communication is key for keeping everyone aligned, especially when it comes to responsibilities. If you'd like your MOH to take the lead on planning the bach party while a few other bridesmaids handle the shower, ask them upfront. The only way everyone will know exactly what you need help with is if you tell them—and even though it might feel weird to designate assignments, rest assured that it'll make your bridesmaids' lives so much easier.

Choosing Uncomfortable Bridesmaid Dresses

One of the biggest bridesmaid pet peeves revolves around fashion. In theory, shopping for bridesmaid dresses should be fun—but the experience all depends on how the bride manages it. Consider your friends' budgets, as well as their personal styles. Bridesmaids don't love being told to buy an expensive dress in an obscure color they'll only wear once. And, if you want your crew to match, be very thoughtful about the style and silhouette. Every person has different style preferences, and a dress that makes one bridesmaid feel most confident might not have the same effect for everyone else. To enhance the shopping experience, consider letting your bridesmaids choose their own dress within a specific color scheme. This will allow your friends to find a look that makes them feel great and fits within their price range. Or, if you really want them to wear the same dress, be open to hearing their preferences to land on a style that makes everyone feel good.

Planning an Expensive Bach Party

When it comes to the bachelorette party, be mindful of everyone's financial situation. As much as you might want to jet off on a multi-day tropical extravaganza in Tulum, destination bach parties require a lot of money and PTO. While your friends might love to take a vacation, it may not be feasible with everything else they have going on in their lives. That's why it's crucial to be open about what you want from the start, and be willing to compromise. Perhaps instead of staying at a far-flung luxury resort, you can instead find an Airbnb in a sunny location closer to home. After all, the best part of the bach party isn't necessarily the flashy destination—it's the opportunity to celebrate with your closest friends.

Letting Stress Go Unresolved

Planning a wedding is hard work, and you certainly aren't alone if you feel stressed or overwhelmed. One thing to avoid, though, is bottling up those emotions and letting them go unresolved. Your crew will be able to feel when you're stressed, which will only make things more challenging. Instead of keeping things to yourself, reach out for help when you need it. Your bridesmaids are there to support you, but they can only do so if you allow them. And, if you need a wedding-free wine night to let loose and take a much-needed planning break, they're the ones who will make it happen.

Not Serving Food on the Wedding Day

Fact: No one wants to be hangry on your wedding day. While you've probably spent a lot of time crafting cocktail hour and dinner menus, don't forget about food earlier in the day too. Your bridesmaids need to eat, especially if you have an early call time for hair and makeup. When making your wedding budget, bake in some extra funds for breakfast and lunch on the wedding day. Your crew will seriously thank you.

Buying an Excess of Wedding Merch

If you've been counting down the days until you can wear that bride merch you see all over Instagram, now's your time to shine. But before you shop for matching T-shirts, swimsuits and sunglasses for your wedding party, take a minute to carefully consider your purchases and how often they'll be used in the future. Your bridesmaids might already have a drawer full of getting-ready robes from previous weddings, and the last thing they may want is another to add to the collection—especially if they have to buy it themselves. Take a pulse check in your bridesmaid group chat to see how people feel about matching wedding clothing and shop accordingly. Instead of shelling out a ton of cash for custom t-shirts to wear for every day of your bach party, consider limiting your expenses to one or two pieces that can be repurposed in the future.

Not Giving the Option to Pay for Hair and Makeup

It's common for brides to hire a glam team for the wedding day, but the same isn't always true for bridesmaids. While you can certainly offer to pay for their professional hair and makeup services, the price might be out of your budget. If that's the case, we recommend giving your crew the option to pay for their hair and makeup or to do it themselves. If the cost of paying for a professional service isn't feasible for them, and they'll be grateful to have the flexibility. If, of course, you want everyone to have the exact same beauty look that can only be achieved by professionals, we recommend that you cover the bill.

Forgetting to Check in With Your Crew

Amid the wedding boom, the one thing we recommend all couples do is to approach the planning process with grace—for each other, your families, your wedding party, your vendors, and your guests. While your bridesmaids are committed to supporting you on your wedding journey, don't forget that they have busy lives as well. We recommend periodically checking in with them individually to see how they're doing, both as your bridesmaid and as your friend. Not only is this a nice gesture for your besties, it'll allow them to open up about any struggles they might be experiencing but don't feel comfortable sharing in front of the larger group. Showing that you care will help them feel valued and appreciated, which will make their experience as a wedding party member even better.

Not Sharing a Detailed Wedding Day Timeline

Eliminate logistical confusion by giving everyone a detailed wedding weekend timeline as soon as possible. The rundown should indicate exactly where they should be and when—the last thing you want is for someone to be running late to rehearsal dinner because they didn't know what time it started. Bridesmaids like having direction, as this eliminates any confusion or miscommunication.

Not Giving Thanks

Finally, don't forget to thank your besties! Over the course of your wedding planning experience, they've likely dedicated a lot of time, money, and effort to making you feel special and celebrated. We always recommend giving them a token of your appreciation to express your thanks. You can never go wrong with a hand-written thank-you card and a thoughtful gift to show them just how grateful you are for their friendship.

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