Bridesmaids: What to Do if Friend Backs Out?


Recently, one of my bridesmaids backed out of my wedding, citing personal and financial problems. She feels that a "friend would understand" her situation. Personally, I have always thought that a bridesmaid should be there for the bride no matter what; to prove it, I am committed to be in her wedding (six months before mine) even though I am relocating across the country and will have to fly in for her bridal shower and the big day. I should also note that she has already kicked a mutual friend out of her bridal party because of a miscommunication. So, just what are the obligations of a bridesmaid to a bride? And do I have a right to back out of her wedding because she backed out of mine?


Sounds like you are hurt that your friend backed out of your wedding, and either don't believe her reasons for doing so or feel that they are not good enough. Think of it this way: If you were having serious personal problems that prevented you from being able to participate in a friend's wedding, you would want her to understand right? If you really value this relationship, trust your friend. Take her word for it that being in your wedding is too difficult for her right now, and even try to see if there is anything you can do to help her out. She is probably heartbroken that she can't participate in your bridal party, and your pulling out of her wedding would only make her feel worse.

As for the miscommunication she had with your mutual friend, it's really not your business, and not an okay excuse for you to drop out of her wedding. Remember that first and foremost this person is your friend -- not merely a bridesmaid with "obligations." While your wedding day is of course about you, it doesn't blot out the usual turmoil and drama that touches you and your friends' lives every once in a while. Call her and tell her you understand -- it will make you both feel so much better. You may even try to find another, cost-free way to make her a part of your day.

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