Bridesmaids: What If I Don't Want to Be a Bridesmaid?

by The Knot

I have been asked by a friend to be her maid of honor. We were close in high school, but besides a regular phone chat, we have not seen each other in more than three years. I have made every effort to make plans to see her over the years, but she always finds a way to get out of it. I really don't feel comfortable being her maid of honor. I know she really does not have anyone else, so I do not want to abandon her. What should I do? Should I consider being a bridesmaid at all?


That's a sticky one. Obviously you wouldn't want to abandon her on such an important occasion, but if you feel awkward about it, that's going to show. You obviously feel that being in someone's wedding means you are close friends and that the friendship goes both ways. And that's how it should be. Rather than make a decision to bite the bullet and do it or just to tell her no, maybe just sitting down to talk with her might be the best way to handle it. Let her know that you're feeling unsure about your relationship because every time you've made an effort to get together in the last few years, she has pulled away. Also consider: Was she really getting out of it every time, or was she just very busy? She may have no idea you feel the way you do. If you talk about it and she admits that she hasn't been a great friend recently, maybe being her maid of honor can be a way to start over. But if she's defensive or gets angry, it's your cue to turn her MOH offer down.

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