What Being a Wedding Magazine Editor and Bridesmaid Has Taught Me

Though I haven't amassed the titular number of outfits from the film, my life has an uncanny resemblance to 27 Dresses. I've collected some wild stories, and my day job as a wedding magazine editor involves writing about weddings (and telling folks how to get featured in The Knot). I even have a growing collection of pastel dresses that I could, but likely won't, shorten and wear again.

You may have a hunch about where this is going. We all know the classic rom-com trope: After all her friends walk down the aisle, a career-driven single woman gives up on finding "the one." She leaves the big city for a small farm town, having sworn off love forever. And when her car breaks down, a flannel-clad Prince Charming swoops in on horseback. Well, I hate to disappoint, but my always-a-bridesmaid journey doesn't quite fit that damsel-in-distress script.

This may cause a major case of cognitive dissonance, but here's the truth: I'm obsessed with rom-coms and absolutely believe in marriage, but I'm not a hopeless romantic pining for a heartthrob to enter the scene. While it is fun to let loose and watch a lighthearted flick, I refuse to shrink myself into Hollywood's patriarchal mold.

First of all, I'm simply not hopeless. Yes, I did leave New York City last year and currently live in a charming Midwest town. But I can change a tire on my own, file my taxes and put IKEA furniture together faster than any guy I know. Does that leave any room for romance? You betcha—the key is that I'm hopeful about love, and I have my friends to thank for that.

Being a bridesmaid for the umpteenth time à la Katherine Heigl hasn't embittered me. Rather, it's helped me hone my "why." Why do I care about marriage and weddings? I've considered why love and partnership are important to me.

Let's back up: How has continually reprising my role carrying a bouquet while doting on friends illuminated so much for me?

Even today, my hand begins to cramp up when I think about that time I spent hours hand-lettering two large chalkboards that would serve as wedding welcome signs for my college roommate's wedding in Virginia. And while the chalk has long been erased, the memory of those signs ushering loved ones to the meadow where she exchanged vows with her partner hasn't faded. I still remember the tears streaming down my face as I cried alongside every attendee while she recalled how their journey led to that day. "And today, I pledge my forever to you," she declared.

And then there was the summer where I spent hours sweating through layers of a sari as the sun bore down on a 90-degree Maryland summer day. I was setting up chairs to create a perfectly curvilinear aisle to ensure the bride's procession through the trees was nothing short of spectacular. Would an inch here or there have really changed anything? Nope. But the chance to make her ceremony as intimate and focused as possible is what that sweltering exercise was all about. As she emerged around the trees, everyone would have smiled even if the aisle had been askew. But for me, it was profoundly beautiful to play a role in the start of her new chapter.

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Inhale, exhale, repeat.

On another warm summer day, I trekked to five stores with my best friend to find the perfect ribbon to use as reception napkin ties (which we never found). Later that day, we painstakingly put stickers on hundreds of jars of apple butter that she was DIYing for her favors. Now every time I see a velvet ribbon, I smile as I think how that day was only the beginning of a love story between her and her partner. Those little ribbons played a part in the gratitude she felt for loved ones supporting the growth of a relationship that has spanned multiple states, houses and jobs. And that relationship has continued to set an example for me of an equal and equitable partnership.

There was even the time that I designed and ordered custom monogrammed cloth napkins for my brother's rehearsal dinner. I kept a few for myself, and every time I use one, I'm transported back to the terrace dinner under the stars as I cried and laughed at the toasts while wiping my barbecue-covered hands on the dove-gray linen napkins.

So what did I learn from napkins, ribbons and chalkboards? Custom touches matter. They center the couple's priorities and give the day meaning. Not in the everything-must-be-monogrammed way. On the contrary, personalization means different things to different people. It could look like special cloth napkins to keep guests focused on each other, rather than sticky barbecue sauce. Or it could mean devoting hours of support to a friend as they undertake DIY projects that are meaningful to them.

At the end of the day, if the couple's love and priorities shine through, that's the key. When you focus on your relationship and priorities during the wedding planning, the rest of the noise falls away.

If you asked me at 22 (before my life as a wedding magazine editor) what my dream wedding involved, it would've been a straight-from-Pinterest event with a guest list of 150. While there's nothing wrong with that, time has revealed what I really care about: a deeply personal wedding that celebrates my timeless partnership...more than passing trends. If I got married tomorrow? I'd invite 30 of my nearest and dearest (including a few bridesmaids of my own) to a mountain chalet for a week of activities and memories. More authenticity, less fluff.

And while I've only worn two of my many bridesmaid dresses again, I don't resent the investment I made in them or my friends. It all comes back to my core "why": relationships. Whether being there to support a friend or finding a significant other of your own, the ties we share are what really matter after the flowers wilt and the cake is devoured.

As an all-too-experienced bridesmaid, I can confidently say people matter, thoughtfulness is key, and you should invest in what lasts.