The Dos and Don'ts When Your Bridesmaid Is Also a Bride-to-Be

Make the most of planning your wedding days together without stealing each other's spotlight.
Bride and her bridesmaids
Markit Photography
carrie anton the knot contributor
Carrie Anton
carrie anton the knot contributor
Carrie Anton
The Knot Contributor
  • Carrie Anton is a freelance user experience writer and content strategist.
  • Carrie co-founded Wonder: An Idea Studio, a creative consultancy in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • Carrie previously worked as a Book Editor and Web Writer for American Girl.

If you and a childhood BFF grew up together planning your dream weddings to dream husbands, then you likely wanted to be in each other's bridal parties and get married at the same time. However, now that you're both all grown up, being a bride with an engaged bridesmaid can come with its fair share of ups and downs.

Engaged Bridesmaid Bonus

On the upside, brides-to-be tend to talk about weddings frequently. While some friends may be all ears, the reality is that some people are just being polite. But when your bridesmaid is also getting married, she'll actually want to talk flowers, catering, drapery, seating charts and so on.

Bride-to-be Audrey Keller works in the industry as a wedding publicist at OFD Consulting and can find plenty of people willing to chat about the wedding day. Still, she was very happy when her very own bridesmaid became engaged.

"It's been nice to have someone to bounce off ideas who's in that same mindset as you," says Keller. "Comparing floor plans, thinking about timeline flow are all things we talk about on a daily basis, and she doesn't get tired of it because she's doing the same stuff!"

"There is certainly a camaraderie that comes with sharing the experience together," says Paula Ramirez, Owner of Historic Mankin Mansion. "As well as the process goes, there is still some stress associated with planning, and it's nice for two friends to be each other's support when others may not understand. Not to mention, you can always bond during site visits and vendor research—not only does it save you time but also you'll be able to trust your friend's recommendations more than a stranger's online."

Not the Center of Attention

While being there for one another is a definite plus, being engaged at the same time can mean sharing the spotlight. This may come in the way of conflicting dates, social circle overlap and, generally-speaking, not giving each other the chance to shine.

"If both ladies are getting married in the same region and share the same social circle, there's always the concern about double booking a date or scheduling things like bachelorette parties too close together," says Ramirez. "This only means that they'll need to take the added step to communicate dates with one another before setting anything in stone."

Keller says that one of the biggest challenges she's encountered is being there for her friend as much as her friend has been there for her. "It's so easy to get caught up in all the details of your own wedding with a sort of tunnel vision," she says. "Especially right up at the end, you forget how much it meant to you when your closest friends were excited for you."

The Dos and Don'ts

To make the most of the bestie-bonding situation, do:

  • Share wedding planning tips with one another to save collective time, money and stress.
  • Let the bride shine when it's her day—be it her bridal shower, bachelorette party or wedding.
  • Get excited about her details, even if they're different from your own aesthetic.
  • Be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to vent to when wedding planning takes its toll.
  • Pair up on vendor research and DIY tasks whenever helpful.
  • "Wear two entirely different hats, one as a bridesmaid, the other as a bride," suggests Ramirez.

To avoid letting your wedding cause friendship tension, don't:

  • Steal the bride's thunder.
  • "Scoop" your friend's wedding day details for your own big day. Talk to her if you want to include something similar to her wedding plans.
  • Force your vendors onto your friend.
  • Forget that you both have cause to celebrate one another. "Remember that the world goes on outside of your wedding bubble, and that your bridesmaid getting engaged is a great thing, not something that takes away from your wedding," says Keller.
Up Next
  • 6 Questions to Ask Before Inviting Your Ex
    6 Questions to Ask Before Inviting Your Ex