How Important Is Humor in Relationships?
When listing out the characteristics of a perfect partner, humor might be high on the list for some people. Having humor in relationships can help ease stress and foster a fun environment. Not everyone is a natural-born comedian, and luckily, it's not a prerequisite to share a laugh with your partner. Humor can be found in the most mundane things, be it poking fun at how your partner drinks their coffee or in watching your favorite rom-com together.
How important is a sense of humor in a relationship, and are there instances where it can be harmful? Relationship experts Dr. Michael and Dr. Larraine Forrester weigh in on the answer to these questions.
In this article:
How Important Is Humor in Relationships?
For some people, humor in a relationship is essential and a lack thereof may be a relationship deal breaker. For others, it may be an attribute they can live without. That said, humor undeniably brings fun and lightness to a relationship, which can be a breath of fresh air amidst daily challenges.
Humor is Highly Valued
Humor is an attribute many people highly value within their relationships, according to The Knot 2024 Relationship and Intimacy study. Findings from the study show that 69% of respondents said a sense of humor was one of the top five most important attributes when considering a potential dating partner. Additionally, 56% said humor was one of the top five attributes when considering whether their relationship with their spouse was ready for marriage.
"Humor is indeed very important to relationships as it is one of the practical tools that can be used to establish a comfortable environment and a safe space for prolific communication," Larraine Forrester says.
She continues, "Humor just makes you feel good whether you are the one who's humorous or the one who's on the receiving end. When individuals display a sense of humor, they're also in a better space mentally and physically as they have a positive disposition."
When Humor Can Be Harmful
There are times when humor can be counterproductive in a relationship. For instance, if humor is used to avoid serious conversations, it can be perceived as avoidant by the other person. It can also be frustrating when one partner is attempting to initiate a serious conversation and the other is cracking jokes. However, some people struggle with vulnerability and use humor to help ease the discomfort. The key is to understand in which context humor is most appropriate.
Benefits of Humor in Relationships
Humor in romantic relationships arguably plays more of a positive than a negative role in relationships. It can help bring balance, diffuse tension and boost intimacy between a couple.
Diffusing Tension
Even in healthy relationships, communication can go left from time to time. The importance of humor in relationships is it can help reduce some of the tension that arises when two people are at odds. "Humor is also a diffuser of poor communication that has the potential to be volatile," says Michael Forrester. "Laughter as a result of humor breaks the ice and helps people avoid the need to be defensive. "
Being able to laugh at yourself may also help shift your perspective during conflict. Sometimes, after laughing about a matter, you realize it wasn't that big of a deal to begin with. Laughter can also be a reminder not to take life so seriously.
Positive Health
When you laugh, your body releases endorphins, which are natural feel-good chemicals. Laughing with your partner means both of you are releasing those feel-good endorphins, which can boost your mood and help you feel connected. Laughter may also help decrease stress hormones and increase immune cells.
"Not only does humor help us to feel better emotionally, it helps us physically by releasing stress and increasing a feeling of well-being," Larraine Forrester says. "When couples feel better individually, effective communication allows compromise regarding differences."
Building Intimacy
Humor can build emotional intimacy within a relationship, especially when a couple has their own inside jokes. Laughter can also carry you through difficult times, be it a serious illness, financial stress or grief. Humor may also fill in the gaps when other building blocks of intimacy, like sex and romance, are lacking. In the absence of both, a good laugh can keep you and your partner connected.