The Biggest Relationship Deal Breakers, Based on Our Data

That said, if things are feeling stagnant in the physcial department, this isn't necessarily a sign of a lost relationship. There are so many ways to heighten your attraction, such as by being intentional about carving out physcial time together or even prioritizing date nights, which will help deepen your emotional intimacy. Plus, don't underestimate the power of testing a new toy, trying a new position in the bedroom, or straight up telling your parner you're not satisfied (and being honest about what might help).Falling in love is one thing, but maintaining a healthy relationship is a totally different experience. While love certainly is the backbone of a fulfilling partnership, it can't exist on that alone. The definition of a good relationship differs among everyone; for example, what you consider a non-negotiable in a significant other may not be considered the same by someone else. That said, there are a few universal green flags most can agree on—things like trust, healthy communication, a sense of humor, and respect are elements everyone wants in a relationship. This, of course, means that there are universal relationship deal breakers in a relationship as well.

While love takes many forms, certain red flags are simply unjustifiable. By definition, a relationship deal breaker is something that immediately disqualifies someone as a dating prospect. While these will vary among every person, there are common themes among the top relationship deal breakers—as evidenced in The Knot 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study.

In our study, we surveyed over 1,000 singles and 1,000 married couples to learn their thoughts on dating, relationships and intimacy. We also gathered information on the most common deal breakers in relationships—and the answers might surprise you. Read on to discover the top relationship deal breakers according to our data, along with expert-driven tips on how to handle these issues if you encounter them in real life.

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Lack of Trust/Honesty

It may come as no surprise that lack of trust/honesty is the most popular relationship deal breaker. According to The Knot 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study, 63% of respondents said they consider this to be a deal breaker. That number was slightly lower among married respondents, who referenced past relationships, as 52% considered it a deal breaker.

The reason for this taking the top spot is quite simple: it's challenging to have a long-term relationship if you don't trust your partner. "Trust is one of the foundational pillars of a successful relationship," says Leanna Stockard, LMFT at LifeStance Health. "While you can still be happy and in love with your partner, not having trust in the relationship seriously diminishes the level of happiness in the relationship."

Poor Communication

Our data indicates that poor communication is the second most common relationship deal breaker, according to 59% of single respondents. What "good" communication means to you is incredibly personal—but it goes deeper than how often you and your S.O. text throughout the day or what your conversations consist of. Communication is the sum of what you talk about and how you talk about it. It also includes how you approach those tough conversations you may want to avoid, like how to tackle debt or why it bothers you that your partner always checks their phone on date night.

Instead of brushing frustrations aside or approaching conversations with anger or hostility, it's vital to communicate honestly and transparently. Plus, in order to make your partner feel understood and supported, maintaining an open mind (and being willing to compromise) are key elements of healthy communication. Your partner can't read your mind, after all, so prioritizing communication is vital for long-term success.

Infidelity/Cheating

Infidelity and/or cheating is the third most common relationship deal breaker among both single (52%) and married (46%) respondents. For many people, infidelity is a severe example of broken trust, and it can be challenging to see a future with someone once they've been unfaithful. While it's certainly possible to rebuild your bond, both partners must fully commit to resolving these issues.

According to Maya Maria Brown, an international couple's therapist and matchmaker, you need to determine if lack of trust is a relationship deal breaker you're open to working through. "If your trust is broken in your current relationship, through infidelity or your boundaries being crossed, it's up to you to decide if you want to try to work through it with your partner," she says. "Only you can decide where your limits are, and the goal is to determine that from a place of strength, rather than feeling trapped or obligated to forgive. Therapy or trusted friends and family can help you figure out if you want to work with your partner to heal and rebuild trust, or if your trust with your partner was broken beyond repair."

Lack of Chemistry

While physical chemistry and attraction isn't everything in a relationship, it is a critical foundation for many people. In fact, physical chemistry was a top five most commonly cited reason to end a dating relationship. Nearly 1 in 3 (32%) of unmarried respondents felt considered a lack of sexual compatibility (attraction or chemistry) to be a deal breaker in a past relationship. This was less common among married respondents with 1 in 4 (25%) saying a lack of chemistry ended a relationship. Chemistry is the energy you feel with your partner—and having a strong physical connection and lead to a more fulfilling relationship, both physically and emotionally.

That said, if things are feeling stagnant in the physcial department, this isn't necessarily a sign of a lost relationship. There are so many ways to heighten your attraction, such as by being intentional about carving out physcial time together or even prioritizing date nights, which will help deepen your emotional intimacy. Plus, don't underestimate the power of testing a new toy, trying a new position in the bedroom, or straight up telling your parner you're not satisfied (and being honest about what might help).

Long Distance

While some people may be willing to embark on a long-distance relationship, it's not everyone's cup of tea. Our survey found that 27% of pre-married respondents consider long distance to be a deal breaker in a relationship. While this may be easier to look past if there's a clear end date in sight, dating someone who doesn't live in your vicinity can prove to be a challenge, especially if you consider quality time or physical touch to be your top love language.

The silver lining is that long distance isn't always permanent—and these days, there are so many apps, date night ideas, and anniversary activities that'll help couples make the most of the space between them.

Poor Financial Management

Money is a major pillar of any long-term romance, and our data indicates that 20% of pre-married respondents (across all consider poor finances/financial management to be a relationship deal breaker. Being secretive about money, exhibiting bad spending habits, or having the inability to share financial responsibilities can all be signs of poor financial management. While talking about money and finances can feel awkward at first, it's an essential topic to discuss in your relationship (especially before getting married).

The boundaries you set for monetary habits should stem from conversations with your partner about your goals and expectations. From there, you'll set your relationship up for success when you've come to a mutual understanding of what "healthy" money habits mean to you. "Explore with your partner how you would like to proceed with finances in the future," Stockard suggests. "Whatever choice you make regarding openness with finances, it is important to make sure to have continued conversations throughout the relationship, to assure that you are still on the same page after time has passed. If this is assumed, and not disclosed, you may find yourself taking on the financial burden of your partner, which can lead to additional issues such as resentment."

Differing Views on Children and/or Marriage

The subjects of marriage and children can be a polarizing topic—and if you and your partner don't see eye to eye on these crucial life milestones, it may be a burden too big for your relationship to bear. Based on our data, 17% of pre-married respondents consider different views on marriage and kids to be a relationship deal breaker. (That number was slightly higher among married respondents, with 21% saying they saw it as a deal breaker.)

According to experts, this is one disagreement that can be challenging to work through. "The possibility of a successful relationship when you are on different pages about children is not highly likely," Stockard says. "For example, trust is something that can be built, but the decision to have children is not built. Through the power of conversation, you can outline the reasons for your line of thinking, which may lead to compromising on the idea of having children or creating new ideas in this area that neither partner has thought about. However, if one person really wants children, and the other does not, there is not much way to work through this."

Lack of Career Aspirations

While some daters prioritize physical chemistry, others may find ambition to be an attractive quality in potential matches. Simply put, having a romantic partner who has goals and aspirations—especially when it comes to their career—is a quality that many value. In fact, 17% of singles who answered our survey consider a lack of career aspirations to be a deal breaker. That number was flat among married respondents, coming in at 18%.

Interestingly enough, only 13% of male respondents reported a lack of career aspirations as a deal breaker, while 21% of female respondents said this would end a relationship. While it's not an essential trait (nor is one of the most common deal breakers in a relationship), exhibiting a lack of drive very well could be enough for someone to consider ending a relationship.

Different Beliefs

Finding a partner with compatible morals, values and beliefs is a considerably important quality. In fact, according to our survey, 16% of respondents said that having a partner with different beliefs is a relationship deal breaker. At a glance, this may seem like a no-brainer. After all, if you and your S.O. have fundamentally different beliefs, it's impossible to be happy in a relationship, right?

According to Brown, this isn't always the case, and it may not mean you and your partner are doomed from the start. "While this can be a valid deal breaker for some people, it is absolutely possible to have a healthy and happy relationship when you have different values and beliefs." If you have differing religious outlooks, for example, you'll have to either come to terms with your partner not seeing eye to eye with your beliefs or be open to viewing things from their perspective. "But if you feel pressure from your partner to change what you believe or how you practice your customs," she continues, "then there can be challenges."

Differing political views may pose a bigger challenge, particularly for those who correlate politics with core values. "If one person's beliefs have implications that affect the other person's rights or well-being, that would be a harder issue to work through than if you disagree on points that are more distanced or less consequential," Brown adds, noting that communication and respect are needed to work through these differences. "If you don't feel heard, are not willing to hear your partner's side, or don't respect each other's perspectives, then you can choose to work through those issues together, or decide that your differences are insurmountable."

Did Not Get Along With Friends/Family

The relationship your S.O. has with your friends and family is also a big factor, as we found that 17% of pre-married respondents and 15% of married respondents consider this to be a deal breaker. Since many people value the input of their loved ones, their partner's inability to foster a good relationship with them can be impossible to ignore. "If your parents don't think your partner is right for you, or your friends don't get a good vibe from the partner, you might choose to trust those opinions to the point of ending the relationship," Brown says. "Or, if you're thinking about a long-term relationship with someone, but you find their family to be unbearable and your partner wants to see them all the time, you might feel that you won't be able to last in the relationship."

Although these are the most common relationship deal breakers, it's crucial to reflect on your own values and boundaries for romantic relationships. Before committing to a long-term partnership with a significant other, make sure that your needs and wants are met—because doing so is the best way to ensure a healthy and fulfilling relationship for years to come.