The Top Dating Standards Among Singles, According to Our Data

Ask anyone why the number of single-person households has multiplied by five since the 1960s, and you'll likely receive an amalgamation of responses, ranging from a shift in dating standards to general lifestyle changes. The most recent Census Bureau findings discovered that singles now comprise the majority of the US population (albeit by a slim margin of 49% to 59%). "Social norms have been gradually changing, as well as technology, [resulting in] financial independence, for some, and a focus on career," says researcher Dr. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the PACT Institute. But more surprising is that more than one-quarter of those ages 35 to 44 haven't been married—ever. In fact, the Census Bureau also found that the open gap between the married and unmarried population has narrowed since the 1950s.

While marriage is still a desirable life milestone for Gen Z and millennials—and with that, weddings and love—we wanted to understand modern dating dynamics. For this reason, we surveyed over 2,000 dating, partnered and married individuals about the landscape for The Knot 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study. But before we even dive into those results, we wanted to start by saying this: There's nothing wrong with choosing to be single, nor is there a "perfect age" to make these decisions. Marriage, in fact, can come at any age. (We've read about centenarians walking down the aisle and living out their longevity with their greatest life love. We also know many college sweethearts who find their soulmates and life partners in their early 20s.)

We also understand that some may be weighing the question: "Do I have to lower my standards to get married?" Well, let's reframe that further. What exactly *are* your standards, and are they aligned with your values? If your response comes from a place of high self-worth over, say, self-image or self-confidence needs, then our answer to that first question is no, your dating standards are aligned with your values and that's an important point of reference. You may also want to dive into your relationship boundaries and see if that also influences your standards for dating.

However, if you've been told that your standards are unreasonable, superficial or even questionable–especially by loved ones that you explicitly trust–then, perhaps, it's time to look within. While you don't have to lower your standards to get married, nor is that the narrative we want to perpetuate, you may need to shift the intent behind your standards. (Say, you're "looking for a man in finance…" maybe ask yourself why. Is it because you like talking about ETFs, or is the reason deeper? Or arguably superficial?) We spoke to several professionals about our burning questions around the topic of dating standards; Plus, we have data points that may influence the high dating standards conversation that may have influenced your group chats over the years.

Are Dating Standards to Blame for Declining Marital Rates?

As much as society likes to point fingers and speculate why marital rates have declined, most singles are looking for lasting love. In fact, our internal data from 2023 found that 81% of Gen Z respondents wanted to get married. However, considering the rise of gender equality in the workforce and hot topics like equal pay (though that gap has yet to be closed), marriage is a slower burn for some. "For the most part, young people are viewing romantic relationships differently in the early stages of young adulthood," says Dr. Tatkin. "The pressure to marry early doesn't seem to be as common today as it has been in the past."

Much of this is attributed to higher education and higher pay. In short, a woman wasn't able to create a credit card under her name until 1974, creating a financial dependence within marital dynamics. Sometimes, this would result in situations where women had to not only carry the brunt of domestic labor, but also felt trapped in unhealthy, and, even, abusive marriages. This is thankfully evolving, in some ways but not all.

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The rise of the individualistic society has also been widely debated in the declining marital rate discourse. Additional conjectures include educational opportunities resulting in financial stability, as well as advances in modern medicine. Whereas marriage was a mechanism for financial security and upward social mobility in previous decades (and throughout much of history), women's rights have also evolved significantly. (For example: women didn't have their own rights to own credit cards until the 1970s.)

Finally, some might argue that dating apps have also influenced these statistics. It likely isn't the apps as much as it's the higher likelihood of mismatched intentions for dating. A Pew Research poll found that about 44% of respondents said they wanted to meet a lifelong partner, while 40% of all dating app users wanted to date casually. About 24% told Pew they were on the apps for casual sex (the dichotomy even greater between men and women), which all sounds like a disconnect to us TBH.

Separately, The Knot Relationship & Intimacy Study found that 24% of those in a serious relationship said that they met via mutual friends or their inner circle. Apps and online dating then came in second at 22%. The takeaway is that swipes can certainly lead to something greater—as the statistics show—but most singles should be looking at the intentions of partners over, say, surface-level commonalities when it comes to gleaning dating standards. There's even a term for it: intentional dating.

"With dating apps and endless options, it's easy to fall into the 'grass is always greener' trap," says Dr. Lea Haber, PhD(c). "But the truth is, the grass is greener where you water it."

What Are Dating Standards to Look for?

Design: Tiana Crispino

While this question is personal and differs per individual, there are some common standards or attributes that people look for when dating. When it comes to personal characteristics in a partner, green flags in a potential S.O. range from someone who treats you well to a sense of humor. According to our survey, 76% of respondents said the top attribute they're looking for in a partner is someone who's easy to talk to, which was followed by sexual attraction or chemistry (72%). So if you're asking whether someone meets your standards for dating, this chart is a good place to start. Oh, and if you want to know what to avoid, respondents shared their deal breakers too.

In addition, your focus shouldn't only be on the person you're dating but the relationship, at large. Respondents ranked their top five attributes they needed for a relationship to be considered "healthy." Their responses included honesty (59%), commitment/loyalty (59%), healthy communication (58%), having fun and enjoying each other's company (55%) and mutual trust (47%).

For another perspective, respondents also selected their top attribute for a healthy relationship. The highest percentage of respondents selected honesty (19%), followed by healthy communication (17%) and loyalty (17%).

Design: Tiana Crispino,Note: The data currently shown is the % of respondents who selected the attribute as their number one attribute to have a healthy relationship.

From a therapist's standpoint, it's important to want to be with someone. So rather than focusing on the should-be, could-be qualities, the decision to date and be in a relationship ultimately lies with you. "In a world that often pushes a 'me' mentality, timeless relationships are built on a 'we' mentality," says Haber. "It's about balancing self-protection with the vulnerability to let someone in, tuning into those old-school marriage values (whatever your love looks like) and a blend of some 'new-school' wisdom. When you make space for both your needs and the growth of the relationship, you open the door to something real and lasting. Don't let fear and perfectionism keep you from love."