6 Money Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Tying the Knot

By the time you're engaged, it's probably safe to say you know your partner pretty well, from their irrational fear of pigeons to their favorite midnight snack. But one topic that many to-be-weds don't discuss often enough is finances. In fact, according to a survey, nearly one in five people never talk about money with their partner. And a staggering 41 percent don't even know how much their S.O. makes in a given year!

Considering that finances are such a frequent source of stress, why save the heart-to-hearts on money matters until after you get married? Here are a few of the most important money questions you can ask before you say "I do."

The topic of debt can no doubt be daunting, but just as it's important to know what assets you're bringing into a marriage, it's also important to know how much debt (if any) you each have. By now you've most likely covered student loans and any past credit troubles, but many couples still don't know the ins and outs of each other's debt situations. So how do you approach such a topic? "You shouldn't try to hide or deny that you have debt," says Shannah Compton Game, a certified financial planner and the host of Everyone's Talkin' Money podcast. "I'm always a fan of nonjudgmental conversations about debt…. It's important to remember that debt doesn't mean you've failed."
Part of why this is need-to-know information is because in most states, once you're legally married your spouse's debt becomes your responsibility too. Not to mention, it could impact your future financial plans, like buying a house or paying for a wedding. Now is also a good time to create a budget that prioritizes paying down your debt faster, or use a technique like the snowball method where you knock out small debts first. You'll also want to talk about how to avoid repeating past money mistakes like relying too much on credit cards.

Talking about money doesn't always have to be a drag. It's also a chance to discuss your dreams and goals. Try writing down some of the biggest spending priorities you have for the next year, five years, 10 years and beyond. "Goals tell your money where to go," Compton Game says. "For example, if you want to buy a house in two years, you'll be focused on spending wisely so you can save as much as possible."

Creating a budget together is a great way to figure out your spending and savings objectives. If you don't live together or aren't sharing many expenses right now, you can still create a shared budget, and fill in more details later. A very basic plan follows the 50/30/20 rule. That means plan on spending about 50 percent of your money on necessities (bills, food, housing), 30 percent on wants (entertainment, vacations, gifts) and 20 percent on savings (including debt payments).

Don't forget to factor in retirement! Share the steps you're currently taking, like contributing to a 401(k), as well as how you'll continue to grow those funds in the future. A good rule of thumb is to have about the same amount as your annual income saved by age 30 and twice your income saved by age 35, says Compton Game, but a lot of that will depend on your salary, expenses and goals.

It's not just a question of what you'll do with your money, but where you'll keep it. From a simplicity standpoint, it's usually easier to merge your money into shared bank accounts, but do what works best for you. Maybe that's a combination option where you have a joint savings and checking account, but separate ATM-accessible accounts, too, for smaller personal things, like lunches and coffees. Some people have no issue merging all of their money, while others might struggle a bit. This can be especially tricky if one spouse makes significantly more money than the other. Now is the perfect time to start having those conversations!

While prenuptial agreements have become more commonplace, there are still lots of misconceptions about them. First things, first: Signing a prenup doesn't mean that you're planning for your marriage to fail—if anything, it's the opposite. Opening up a line of communication to discuss your financial aspirations and preferences with your partner can be extremely helpful. In fact, many couples find that they learn more about each other's wants, needs, expectations and boundaries through prenup negotiations.

In simplest terms, a prenuptial agreement provides legal protection for both parties in the event that a marriage ends, with a clear road map for the division of assets that the couple has previously agreed upon. If you don't have a prenup, your state law will control how your property, assets, income and inheritance are viewed and distributed at the time the marriage is dissolved.

Trying to protect your partner from your student debt, wanting to keep certain assets separate or being a small business owner (or entrepreneur) are all common reasons to consider a prenup. If you're interested in moving forward with one, start by consulting a family lawyer.

Secrets in a marriage aren't usually a good thing, but your spouse doesn't need to know about every expense. If it's not breaking the bank, it might be okay to keep your two-a-day caramel macchiato habit to yourself.

Along with talking about how you'll budget for bills and savings, you should also figure out how you'll treat spending money. That might mean setting a dollar amount that each of you can spend without having to consult the other first. "For example, maybe each of you can spend up to $200 a month without question, but anything over that, you need to have a quick conversation around it," Compton Game says. "That gives you some freedom, but also a sense of partnership."

There's a good chance that something unexpected—and expensive—will disrupt your financial situation at some point. To prepare, start an emergency fund if you can. Financial pros recommend saving at least three to six months' worth of expenses—this will ensure that you can pay your bills on time and without incurring any debt. It's best to put this money into a high-yield savings account, so it will be easy to access when needed.

And even if you can't stash away extra cash right now, you should still talk about how you'll face financial emergencies as a couple. This seemingly simple question can raise all kinds of important topics, like how you feel about debt, if you're comfortable borrowing money from family, and the areas of your budget where you're willing to make cuts. Consider how much cash you have in the bank and in investment accounts right now, the value of your assets and how many people rely on you financially (both now and potentially in the future!).

And remember—financial conversations should be ongoing. Your money situation and goals will change over time, so check in with your partner regularly about how things are going. "I suggest couples have weekly or monthly hangout sessions where they come together and talk about their recent spending—what went right, what went wrong, where they are in terms of their goals," Compton Game says. "Make these sessions fun. Go to a park or a favorite coffee bar and let this be your time to come together as a couple and talk about money from an open and honest place."

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