The Only Thing You Actually Need to Remember While Wedding Planning

It might not be what you expect.
maddy sims the knot associate editor
Maddy Sims
maddy sims the knot associate editor
Maddy Sims
Former Associate Editor
  • Maddy is a Brand and Social Content Manager at Birdy Grey, and was a former associate editor at The Knot.
  • Maddy has written for several different publications, including HUM Nutrition, Insider, Bustle, Real Simple and Apartment Therapy.
  • Maddy has a Bachelor's degree in magazine journalism and a Master's degree in health, science and environmental reporting (both of which are from Northwestern's Medill School of Journa...
Updated Apr 09, 2020

While wedding planning is fun, it can also be overwhelming. There are lots of moving parts (including people) involved, which can make it, well, complicated. Whether you're disagreeing with your family or your partner, we've seen it all and we have solutions. If you feel like wedding planning is hurting your relationship, it's important to remember one very important thing: the love.

"Love is the most important thing to keep in mind when planning your wedding," says Jove Meyer, founder and creative director of Jove Meyer Events. "It's the reason you're celebrating, and it's so amazing that you found it—so don't forget about it in the process of planning." Read on for expert tips on how to keep wedding planning from hurting your relationship.

Think Big Picture

There are so many details involved in a wedding, and you may find yourself getting bogged down in all the minutiae. But Meyer tells The Knot that the key is to stay focused on the big picture. "Never forget your wedding is all about the love in the room," he says. "It can be easy to get overwhelmed with all the details and personalization and decisions to be made, but never lose your 'why' of wedding planning and go with your gut."

Focusing on the "why" will also help you (and anyone else involved) make productive decisions, says planner Danielle Couick of Magnolia Bluebird Design & Events. "If you focus on the 'why' and not the how, the who or the what, then you are planning with intention and purpose."

Stay Focused on the Love

Dealing with some outside demands? If you're trying to juggle requests from parents, friends or family members, Meyer says it's important to remember that their opinions are coming from a place of love. However, that doesn't mean you have to take their advice. "Just because they share advice doesn't mean you have to listen," he says. Your wedding is about your unique love story, and it should reflect that (not other people's opinions). "When you find yourself in a stressful moment with your friends or family come back to the 'why,' which is love and happiness—not stress and tension." Meyer says this technique often relieves a lot of emotional strain when disagreements arise.

If you're feeling like the wedding planning process is hurting your relationship, Meyer suggests using it as an excuse for some extra celebration. Make a list of the tasks you need to complete, prioritize, and then take care of each one at a time. "Bring fun into the process and make each meeting joyful with champagne or candy," he says. Once you check something off your list, the wedding pro recommends celebrating together. Plan a special dinner out or stop by that trendy new cocktail bar you've been wanting to try.

He also encourages couples to schedule a weekly wedding planning meeting so they can get on the same page and share responsibilities. "Make these meetings fun by bringing your favorite food and drinks," he says. "Infuse this time with the things you love to make it more enjoyable and exciting." Whether you cook pasta and open a bottle of your favorite red wine or pick up a pint of your go-to ice cream, find a way to make this time you spend together romantic and special.

Don't Lose Sight of What's Most Important

While you may feel a lot of pressure about your wedding and the decisions involved, Couick reiterates that it's important to remember your wedding isn't the most important thing (though it is important)—your love is. "The love you have for each other is ultimately the reason you decided to get married and host a wedding," she says. "Remember, the marriage is about the two of you—not the wedding or the party."

Stay focused on the love you have for each other, and wedding planning will become easier, smoother and more fun. If you and your partner are still struggling with the wedding planning process, try downloading Lasting, the leading marriage health app, or consider seeking help from a couples therapist.

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