Is Wedding Planning Taking a Toll on Your Relationship?

As you've probably noticed by now, planning a wedding is no easy feat (and this goes for celebrations of all sizes and budgets). Between financial stressors, conflicts with your in-laws and everything in between, it's no surprise the engagement period can take a toll on your relationship with your spouse-to-be.

"It's completely normal to have a rough patch during your engagement," says dating and relationship coach Carla Romo. "As long as you and your partner are both open to growth, a rough patch during wedding planning isn't necessarily a predictor of how your marriage will go."

That's good news for just about every couple who might be buckling under the pressures of putting on a perfect wedding. But according to Romo, you have to solve your conflicts the right way in order to survive them. Below, find the top stressors that cause conflict among engaged couples, and how to tactfully solve them before your wedding rolls around.

The Financial Burden

Weddings aren't cheap—and of course, that can put a major strain on your relationship, especially if you two are the ones paying for your wedding. But you have to make sure you and your partner on the same page every step of the way in order to avoid fights about money.

"If you're raised a certain way, you might have different spending habits than your partner," Romo says. "For example, if you grew up in a low-income household, you might be a little more budget-conscious than your partner who grew up with a silver spoon. The important part is to sit down together and talk about finances in a logical way."

According to Romo, couples who are wedding planning should come up with a five-year financial plan in order to make sure they're on the right track. For example, ask yourselves questions like, What do I, personally, value spending money on? What can we cut back on? "Come up with it as a team. Finances are the number one reason why couples get divorced, so you have to get ahead of it," Romo says.

The Planning Part

Whether one of you is taking the reins and making the other feel left out, or one of you just seems downright uninterested in planning duties, the solution remains the same (and it's simple). You need to have open and honest conversations about it.

Romo suggests having a touch base every two weeks during the wedding planning process to ensure both of you are on the same page, and to give each other the chance to voice any concerns or feelings you might have along the way. Since you're both busy, you can even put your check-ins on the calendar.

It's about more than just the logistics of guests lists, table linens and cocktail menus—it's about making sure each of you feels heard. You're a team, after all.

The In-Laws

Ah, the omnipresent in-law issue. If one of your parents is butting into wedding planning a little too much, it can be easy to start resenting them (and, in turn, your partner for not having your back). But it's important to not let the tension reach a boiling point.

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"Create boundaries and stick to them," Romo advises. "It's easy to be influenced by what your mother-in-law or someone else is saying, but figure out what you envision for your wedding and what you really want."

If your mother-in-law keeps suggesting a florist who you know isn't your style, simply say, "Thank you—I'll take that into consideration."

If she keeps persisting—and you have a close enough relationship with her—talk directly to her without using the word "you." Simply say something along the lines of, "I feel really overwhelmed planning this wedding and these suggestions are putting me in a tailspin."

If your partner keeps taking their mother's side instead of yours, well, you have a bigger problem. Tell your partner that you're in this as a team—and that you need their support right now more than anything else. Let them know exactly what your needs are, and kindly inform them they're not meeting them at the moment.

The Wedding Party

Feeling overwhelmed and stressed by how much work having a wedding party entails? You wouldn't be the first—but don't let it pour over into your relationship. Maybe your bridesmaids don't even know what's expected of them—feel free to simply call a bridal party meeting and ask them to step up and take over specific tasks so you feel a little less fraught. Don't ask for too much out of them, but they should be able to step up and take some things off your plate to ease the anxiety and tension you might be feeling.

"Your bridesmaids are your friends," Romo says. "They're doing their duties out of love."

On the flip side, maybe your partner has a wedding party member you're not entirely fond of (a college friend you know can be a bad influence on them, for example). On top of that, they're going to Vegas for the bachelor party.

According to Romo, you simply have to build trust with your partner. "You can't control what the friend is going to do. The friend is just the surface-level issue—it's clearly a deeper issue than that. Be honest about your concerns. Don't frame it or manipulate the situation to get your partner to side with you. Just genuinely express your concerns and tell your partner why you're nervous—it might feel uncomfortable, but that's how you build trust, the basic foundation of a relationship. You have to be vulnerable."

Wedding planning still stressing you out more than it should? Download our All-In-One Wedding Planner app for all the help you need, all in one place—and once you have that under control, download the first-of-its-kind marriage counseling app, Lasting.