Who Picks the Engagement Ring?

You've officially reached that stage of the relationship where you have a private Pinterest board full of ring inspiration and are fielding questions left and right from (what feels like) everyone about when your partner will finally put a ring on it. While who picks the engagement ring is ultimately a personal, or rather, a couple's decision, we've put together a little guidance for those who aren't exactly sure how to proceed.

Are you influenced by tradition and prefer to be completely surprised? Are you more of a control freak with a very specific sense of style or jeweler in mind? Do you think it might be fun to design your own ring together? Or maybe you just want your friends and family to give your partner huge hints? We talked to a few jewelers and wedding experts to get the lowdown on who typically chooses the engagement ring, a few "rules", plus some helpful shopping tips to ensure you (or they) find "the one".

Who Traditionally Picks the Engagement Ring?

"The one proposing historically picks out the engagement ring, but nowadays, anyone in the relationship can," says Marissa Rubinetti, Chief Operating Officer at Kleinfeld Bridal, which has the Kleinfeld x Zales bridal fine jewelry collection. Don O'Connell, Charles & Colvard CEO and President, agrees. "Traditionally, the partner proposing picks out the engagement ring," he says. "However, they often enlist the help of close family members and friends to assist in picking out a ring."

If you're hoping to go the traditional route, it can be a good idea to share your Pinterest ring inspiration board with a trusted bestie, sibling, or parent who can assist in the buying process. You can even share images or links to exact rings you love with your partner so they have a good idea of what you like and can show them to a jeweler when shopping. This is, of course, if you still want a little say in the process without being surprised.

And if you're going the surprise route and wondering how to find out what engagement ring she wants, O'Connell suggests studying the jewelry your partner currently wears to get a good sense of their style. "Another pro tip is to look at other people's engagement rings. When you come across an engaged or married couple, organically ask to look at the ring so you can watch your partner's response," he advises. "Your partner may follow up with additional questions as well which will help!"

Are There Rules for Picking Out an Engagement Ring?

Who should pick out the engagement ring? Should a woman pick her engagement ring? To be honest, there are no hard and fast engagement ring rules anymore, but communication is key. "When picking a forever ring for your partner, it's important to think about their style and likes," notes Rubinetti. "Depending on your preferred method, you can directly ask your partner for their preferences or ask their best friends and family for suggestions. Simply paying attention to your partner's style and social media, such as a Pinterest board, can also provide some hints about their dream ring," she says.

It's also a good idea to sit down and discuss beforehand whether your partner would like to be involved in the ring shopping process and to what extent. Do they want to go ring shopping together or do they prefer to let you do the choosing—or perhaps it's somewhere in between?

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Another important thing to consider is the budget. You'll want to "determine the price point that is within your budget, as this will also impact the available options to choose from," notes Rubinetti. "For example, higher carat weights and intricate band designs will have a higher cost." Also, find out what matters most to your partner in a ring. Do they want a natural diamond or is lab-grown okay? Are they hoping for a non-traditional gemstone ring? Something big and sparkly or more minimalist and modern? And what's their metal of choice?

"Different characteristics come together to make the perfect engagement ring for individual preferences, such as inspiration, stone type, band design, and type of metal," says Rubinetti. "The goal is to pick out an engagement ring that your partner will love and genuinely represents your relationship."

She also recommends shopping at reputable retailers so you can better rely on the quality of the jewelry. "It also helps to pick a retailer that has multiple locations or a robust e-commerce business so that you can make any adjustments quickly and easily." Using a local jeweler that comes highly recommended by friends or family and has plenty of rave reviews can also be super convenient, especially if you're designing a custom ring or want to go in person to shop.

Should You Pick Out a Ring Without Talking To Your Partner?

It just depends. "There is no wrong answer to this," Rubinetti tells us. "Each engagement is personal and unique to the relationship. Couples can go ring shopping together or have a conversation about stylistic preferences," she says. "Communicating about the ring choice will help provide clarity when picking out the perfect ring. However, if you would rather surprise your partner with the ring, you can tap their close friends and family who may also know the dream ring of your partner."

O'Connell concurs. If your partner has stated to you or hinted at wanting to know beforehand, he advises respecting their wishes. "If not, feel free to make the engagement a surprise. You know your partner best!"

Should You Pick Out Your Own Engagement Ring?

Believe it or not, picking your engagement ring is becoming increasingly common, after all, you'll be the one wearing it for eternity so it should be something you love and are proud to put on your finger. At the end of the day though, it's really up to the couple to determine what's best for both of them. "It's pretty magical to be proposed to with your dream engagement ring," says Rubinetti. While the partner should have a say on the type of engagement ring they'd like, she thinks the couple should shop together so that they can both be involved in the process.

The person proposing may have strong feelings on who chooses the engagement ring too so a conversation is definitely in order. Do they want to have some element of surprise with the proposal, including the engagement ring, or are they fully okay with letting you take the reigns and design or choose your own?

Can You Pick Out Your Engagement Ring Together?

Absolutely, if that feels right for you and your relationship. "Some couples see this as an exciting moment in the engagement process and want to share the experience," tells O'Connell. "Additionally, picking a milestone piece of jewelry like an engagement ring is so meaningful. By ring shopping together, the partner who will receive the ring will get to help select something that speaks to them and looks good on their finger," he says. Marriage is also all about working as a team so coming together to choose a gorgeous engagement ring representative of your love as a couple couldn't be more special.