25 Wedding Crashers Quotes: "It's Wedding Season, Kid!"

All the Wedding Crashers quotes and rules you need to "play like a champion" this wedding season.
Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers quotes
New Line/courtesy Everett Collection
carrie anton the knot contributor
by Carrie Anton
carrie anton the knot contributor
Carrie Anton
The Knot Contributor
  • Carrie Anton is a freelance user experience writer and content strategist.
  • Carrie co-founded Wonder: An Idea Studio, a creative consultancy in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • Carrie previously worked as a Book Editor and Web Writer for American Girl.
Updated May 20, 2020

No invite? No problem! The movie Wedding Crashers proved you don't need to have an invitation to enjoy a plate of prime rib, a swing around the dance floor, and your very own piece of wedding cake. As some of our favorite Wedding Crashers quotes show, simply grab some snappy duds, add a dash of bravado, and of course, you can't forget the Wedding Crashers rules. The result? A good time that'll last happily ever after...until the next morning, that is.

Wedding Crashers Quotes In this Article:

Best Wedding Crashers Quotes

When this romcom meets bromance first hit the big screen, Wedding Crashers gave both invited guests and surprise crashers everything they needed to make the most of the getting-hitched season. Here are some of the best quotes from Wedding Crashers that are more entertaining to repeat and share than wedding vows will ever be.

Gloria Cleary I'll find you Wedding Crashers quotes gif

  • "You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." – John Beckwith
  • "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" – Mrs. Kroeger
  • "Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does!" – Flip
  • "You're like that crazy guest who thinks he's part of the family already." – Claire Cleary
  • "Death, you are my bitch lover!" – Todd Cleary (Wedding Crashers creepy brother)
  • "Don't ever leave me." "Good. 'Cause I'd find you!" – Gloria Cleary
  • "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." – John Beckwith
  • "Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either." – John Beckwith
  • "I made you a painting. I call it 'Celebration.' It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it." – Todd Cleary
  • "Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown." – Young boy at wedding reception
  • "I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don't even know what that meant." – John Beckwith
  • "Wow, getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner here." – John Beckwith
  • "Let's play tummy sticks." – Todd Cleary

Memorable Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers Quotes

Whether you call him Jeremy Grey or his beloved nickname Baba Gnash in Wedding Crashers, Vince Vaughn steals the show as the character with the most repeat-worthy Wedding Crashers quotes. He often doesn't have to say a thing to garner the laughs—his dance moves, cake eating, champagne popping, magic tricks and balloon animals are hilarious enough—but we still can't overlook the Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers quotes that keep us laughing till our sides ache. Get ready to relive all the fun, because after all, "It's wedding season, kid!"

Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers quotes gif

  • "Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal."
  • "I'm just warming up. Last week I did an exact [balloon] replica, to scale, of Wrigley Field. Honest to God. I don't have anywhere to put it."
  • "Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull's eye."
  • "I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?"
  • "Who gives a shit? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby."
  • "I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger."
  • "Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning."
  • "This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!"
  • "You motorboatin' son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?"
  • "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone."
  • "A friend in need is a pest."
  • "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!"
  • "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you."
  • "Get on in here, let the big bear get his paws on ya."
  • "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering, 'do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested (I'm not really interested), should I play like I'm interested, but I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested?' So all of the sudden I'm getting…I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well, 'good night.' Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering, 'are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?' Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip.' Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, 'ouch, ouch you're on my hair."

Best Will Ferrell Wedding Crashers Quotes

Will Ferrell's small role as Chazz Reinhold garners big laughs! In Wedding Crashers, Chaz is the lovable idiot whose character switches from hooking up at nuptials to scoring big at funerals.

Will Ferrell Wedding Crashers quotes gif

  • "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
  • "I almost nunchucked you; you don't even realize!"
  • "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Ahh! I'm hang-gliding! Honey, take a good picture...I'm dead!' What a freak."
  • "Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?"
  • "I'm just living the dream."
  • "It's like fishing with dynamite."
  • "So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be all right."

Wedding Crashers Rules

Is your guest calendar looking bleak for the upcoming wedding season? Don't fret! While the movie wasn't able to cover all of them, we've rounded up the complete set of 115 Wedding Crashers rules you need to seal the deal and play like a champion this wedding season.

Wedding Crashers Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.

Wedding Crashers Rule #2: Never use your real name.

Wedding Crashers Rule #3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.

Wedding Crashers Rule #4: No one goes home alone.

Wedding Crashers Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher.

Wedding Crashers Rule #6: Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.

Wedding Crashers Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.

Wedding Crashers Rule #8: Be the life of the party.

Wedding Crashers Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.

Wedding Crashers Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies.

Wedding Crashers Rule #11: Sensitive is good.

Wedding Crashers Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something.

Wedding Crashers Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.

Wedding Crashers Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.

Wedding Crashers Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.

Wedding Crashers Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.

Wedding Crashers Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.

Wedding Crashers Rule #18: You love animals and children.

Wedding Crashers Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.

Wedding Crashers Rule #20: The older the better, the younger the better (see Rule below).

Wedding Crashers Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's 18.

Wedding Crashers Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.

Wedding Crashers Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.

Wedding Crashers Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.

Wedding Crashers Rule #25: You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.

Read all 115 Wedding Crashes rules below.

List of 115 Wedding Crashers rules

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