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Gracious Ways to Ask for Cash Gifts

Many couples prefer to ask for money rather than typical wedding gifts like china and appliances. Here's the history, etiquette and how-to of requesting and receiving cash gifts.
Card box for wedding cards and money
Tracy Guth
by Tracy Guth
Updated Jul 17, 2020

Engaged couples will always gladly accept cash wedding gifts, with many preferring gifts of money over traditional registry items like china, silver and crystal. Here's a little bit about why the cash gift continues to grow in popularity, plus some etiquette tips for the taking. (And by the way—our new Universal Registry tool allows you to register for literally anything you want, so you're definitely no longer relegated to things like china and cookware.)

Is it Rude to Ask for Money as a Wedding Gift?

Nobody wants to come across as rude when asking for wedding gifts. Thankfully, cash gifts have become more mainstream and socially acceptable over the years. It's all in the art of how to ask for money for wedding gifts. When done politely, the request will seem reasonable and rational. When done in the wrong way, however, such preferences can come across as crass.

"Those who matter won't mind, and those that mind don't matter." It's a common philosophy that you should keep in mind while planning your wedding. While the phrase doesn't apply to every aspect of modern wedding planning, it rings especially true when creating gift registries. So long as you present your request in the least pushy way possible, you're not likely to offend your guests.

The Reasons

Maybe you'd rather have a lump sum to put toward your first home, or you already live together and have long since set up house. Maybe you'd prefer cash for your rainy day fund for unexpected items. The truth is, many people have already accrued all kinds of appliances and amenities to outfit their lives, but very few would refuse a helping hand toward buying a home or new car. That's why money may be the most useful, thoughtful and appreciated gift of all.

The History

There was a time when the mavens of manners turned up their noses at the thought of giving money as a gift, but today there are plenty of people who can't think of a more appropriate present for two people beginning their new, shared life. In fact, monetary gifts have long been considered proper and acceptable in different regions of the country, as well as among people of different cultures. Guests invited to a Korean wedding often present envelopes containing cash or checks to the parents of the couple, who in turn present the money to the newlyweds. Guests at a Chinese wedding often hand the bride monetary presents in red envelopes (red symbolizes luck). There's an Italian custom called The Grand March, where the wedding reception ends with a receiving line in which the couple gives each guest a sweet in exchange for an envelope of money. During the traditional Polish Dollar Dance, guests dance with the bride and pin money to her veil or dress.

How to Spread the Word

If you decide to set up such an account, create a digital cash registry with us on The Knot Cash Funds, and let your parents, close relatives and friends know that when other guests ask what you'd like as a wedding gift, they can tell them cash would be most appreciated. A great place to convey your gift preferences and registry picks is on your wedding website. But our advice is not to forgo some sort of traditional registry completely. Give guests a choice—some may really want to give you something material.

How Do You Politely Ask for Money Instead of Gifts?

Eliminate the tackiness of asking for money as a wedding gift by putting online tools to work for you. Easy to use websites like The Knot'sour digital cash funds on The Knot Rregistry make gifting simple and straightforward – and never rude or pushy. Non-traditional registries like this one can help bridge the gap between your peers (who are probably quite used to giving cash as a wedding gift) and your older relatives (who may find the modern practice off-putting at first). 

Never make mention of your preference for cash on your invitation, save the date, or wedding website. Instead, let the registry do the talking for you. You'll inevitably have a few guests who prefer to give you customary wedding china or bed linens, so be sure to register for at least a few physical gifts. By listing cash gifts on your registry, though, you'll send a polite but clear message about your preferences.

Quick Tips for Checks

Some guests may still want to write you a check, so if anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride or groom (they should use the bride's maiden name, even if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to the bride and groom. Besides being the traditional way to go about it, this just makes cashing the checks easier. At the reception, ask someone you trust, like the best man or maid of honor, to be in charge of collecting envelopes. You might even want to make him or her responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon.

It's the Thought That Counts

There's no hiding how big or small a cash gift is—same as a gift off of a traditional registry. But the thought behind each one remains the same, so your thank-yous shouldn't vary in size, either.

Not sure where to begin with your wedding planning? Take our Style Quiz and we'll pull together a custom wedding vision and vendors to match, just for you. After that, create a free, personalized wedding website to keep your guests informed (and excited!) about your plans, and a time-saving Guest List Manager to organize your attendees. Even better? You can sync your Guest List Manager and wedding website to update everything at once. 

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