Honoring Deceased Parents at Your Wedding

Your wedding isn't just a special moment for you and your forever partner but for everyone witnessing it, too. So naturally, we wish everyone we love could be there—even those who are no longer with us. And in some ways, they can be. As someone who got married after my mother passed away, I learned that there are ways of honoring deceased parents at wedding ceremonies.

"Whenever you're on the threshold of a new chapter in life, it's only natural to reflect on the journey that brought you here and the people who've shaped it," Jude Douglass, a wedding officiant explains. "A wedding ceremony is a perfect opportunity to honor those who've touched your life, even if they can't be present in person."

My mother died in January of 2019, five years before I'd walk down the aisle and marry the love of my life. When I began planning, I knew that it was important (and even essential) that I honor my mother on my wedding day—as lots of folks feel about honoring loved ones at a wedding. But in doing so, I wanted to make sure that it didn't feel weird, uncomfortable, cheesy or out of place. It was important for me, not only to honor her memory but also to feel like she was there in the room, in small and meaningful ways.

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So whether you decide on including them in a wedding thank-you speech or you're looking for unique wedding reception ideas, there are a lot of wedding reception extras that fit right into honoring deceased parents at your wedding.

How to Honor a Deceased Parent During a Wedding Ceremony

Nothing prepares you for the inevitability of death, much like nothing can quite prepare you for acknowledging a deceased parent at your wedding—but I tried anyway. In the early stages of wedding planning, I started Googling: How to honor a deceased parent at your wedding? What are some unique ways to honor a deceased parent at your wedding? Should I go with the empty chair at my wedding for a deceased parent vibe? I even asked my wedding planner, Addison Hart, for help on unique wedding ceremony ideas to include her in.

In my search, I learned that a lot of grieving brides and grooms decide to do a few things: Include an empty chair at the ceremony, read a poem for deceased parents at wedding festivities, have the officiant read something special in the ceremony or even have a memorial set up at the after-party. For others, they might choose to wear a special piece of their clothing or do their makeup in their favorite color.

According to Douglass, in addition to weaving their memory into the ceremony script, couples often choose meaningful gestures like playing a cherished song or including their favorite flowers in the bouquet. And while these are all great ways of acknowledging a deceased parent at your wedding, I wanted to go a slightly different route.

How I Made My Special Day Special for Her, Too

With the help of my planner, we decided our tribute to a deceased parent at my wedding was this: To incorporate subtle things my mom loved throughout the day. For example, my mom really loved crystals, and before she passed away, she gave me a long clear crystal hanging from a string. The kind you'd hang in a window that refracts light. At the dinner, in the centerpieces, we decided to include a swirly hanger that stuck out of each, where we hung crystals on strings to honor her. I chose to walk down the aisle carrying a bouquet of calla lilies, which are one of the flowers we chose for her funeral. I also honored her in my vows.

"Acknowledging them during the ceremony doesn't have to feel solemn or heavy—it's all about finding the right words to celebrate their influence in a way that feels heartfelt and uplifting and keeping within you the tone you want for your ceremony," Douglass explains.

For me, I wanted it to feel uplifting and lovely, and chose to include a story that felt just like that. The year before I got married, I actually went to a psychic who told me that my mother sent my husband to me. I chose to believe it and included it in my words during the ceremony, where I thanked her for sending my perfect partner to me, and promised him I'd honor how healthy (and magical) our relationship has been. It was a wonderful way to subtly honor her and make my special day special for her, too.

As I looked around on my big day—either through walking down the aisle, the dinner in the candle-lit wine cellar, the dessert we served after or even the after-party in the movie theatre of The Wythe Hotel—I can say that I felt my mother around. Although I wished she could have been there to experience the magic in person, in her own way, I know she was there with me every step of the way.