Do You Have to Change Your Name After Marriage? (Spoiler: NO)
Getting married is a huge deal! You're entering into a lifelong partnership with your special someone and combining the many facets of your lives into one fabric. And along with all that often comes the question: "Do you have to change your name after marriage?"
Taking your partner's last name is a longstanding tradition with, yes, roots in the patriarchy and heteronormativity. The idea was that a woman was "given" from her father to her husband, so she took her new partner's last name to reflect that "ownership," if you will. In our modern world, though, taking your partner's last name is less about falling in line with the patriarchy and more about keeping tradition while stepping forward as a united front.
Still, there's beauty in keeping your last name after marriage, hyphenating or choosing a new one together if that's the decision you want to make. Couples everywhere are getting creative and making their own rules when it comes to post-nuptial surnames. Let's explore.
In this article:
- Do You Have to Change Your Name After Marriage?
- Can You Choose a New Name Together?
- Can You Keep Your Maiden Name for Some Things Not Others?
- Are You Still a "Mrs." If You Keep Your Maiden Name?
- How to Tell People You've Kept Your Maiden Name
Do You Have to Change Your Name After Marriage?
So, can you keep your last name when you get married? Absolutely—and many people choose to do so. There's no legal requirement that says you must change your name after getting married, says attorney Ali Katz, the CEO and founder of Personal Family Lawyer. This is a deeply personal decision that you are allowed to make independently of others' input.
According to data collected by the Pew Research Center in 2023, about 79% of women in heterosexual marriages choose to take their spouse's last name while 14% kept their last name. Another 5% chose to hyphenate their last name with their spouses. And approximately 92% of men in heterosexual marriages kept their last name while 5% took their spouse's last name and 1% hyphenated both.
Can You Choose a New Name Together?
Yes. Along with keeping your own surname, you have the choice to hyphenate your last name with your partner's—or you can even select an entirely new name to share together. Some people do this with a one-word combination of both of their last names, or they pick another name that they both like.
"We live in a world of so much choice these days, and we're the first to live with this much freedom of expectations. So live it up and choose wisely, based on your own desires for expression and nothing else," Katz says. "Exercise your choice to create a new future reality with whatever name you choose."
Can You Keep Your Maiden Name for Some Things Not Others?
Yes, you can keep your last name when you get married for certain things while changing it legally for other things. For example, Katz says that many professionals choose to keep their original last name within the context of their career. This is the name they're known by in the work-sphere, and changing it could have implications regarding branding, internet search and industry recognition.
"There is a reality in which you can keep your maiden name for branding or business purposes and change your name legally, so you share a legal name with your new spouse and [potential] future children," Katz says. (In fact, that's exactly what she did!)
In this case, you'd use your original last name for "unofficial" things and your new (and legal) last name on formal identification (such as your passport and driver's license) and important documents (like estate planning, social security, banking and insurance).
Are You Still a "Mrs." If You Keep Your Maiden Name?
You are considered a "Mrs." even if you choose to not change your name after marriage. This is because "Mrs". is a reflection of your marriage status. That said, Katz notes you don't have to go by "Mrs." if you don't want to. You can always use "Ms." or choose to not display your marital status as part of your name at all.
How to Tell People You've Kept Your Maiden Name
If you've chosen to keep your original surname after marriage—or are hyphenating or using a new shared chosen name with your spouse—you can make this announcement in all sorts of ways.
The first opportunity could be at your wedding, when all the important people in your life are all together. Another opportunity is when you send thank-you cards to guests. You can sign your card with your chosen last name(s) and use them in the return address section, as well. Of course, social media allows you to spread a message very quickly, so consider taking that route, too.
Some people may not understand this decision—particularly those who relish tradition and may not understand modern approaches to name changes. It's not your responsibility to change their mind about your decision, so try to brush off any commentary. It may also take others time to notice or begin calling you by the correct name. In this case, a gentle reminder is plenty. They'll get the idea soon enough.