Feeling Pressure to Plan a Timeless Wedding? Don't.

Big poofy sleeves, burlap and mason jars, donut walls. No matter the season, there is always a new wedding trend to participate in. And in spite of the constant shifts in bridal style, wedding decor, and beauty trends, the pressure of planning a "timeless" wedding is still alive and well. But can a wedding ever truly be timeless?

I was hit with this question in the comment section of my TikTok account. I started a series called "Your Favorite Fat Bride" after I got engaged to show folks online what it was like to shop for bridal events as a plus-size woman. I began to get comments about how the clothes I was picking were not "timeless" enough. Candidly, I couldn't give less of a rip about being timeless. I'm a firm believer in trends–even the ones we look at and know won't be in style decades or even a year from now. Pampas grass? Do it. Champagne towers and over-the-top escort card walls? Get in there, baby. Slits in your wedding dress up to your ribcage? Hell yeah, dude. Whatever makes you happy.

But as more people called my attention to my soon-to-be-dated styles, I thought about why we insist that weddings need to be timeless at all.

The Inherent Pressure of Being a Bride

First, we have to acknowledge the burden of timelessness is put almost entirely on the bride. If you're in a heterosexual relationship, it's assumed that the bride has done most, if not all, of the planning, even in the most equal partnerships. My Instagram Explore page is flooded with bridal style, wedding decor tips, and honeymoon destinations. My fiance's? Video games, weightlifting, and the news.

This dichotomy is also reflected in the way we interpret timelessness. Look to any wedding photo from any time period and, for the most part, the easiest way to decipher the wedding's timeframe is by the bride's dress. A drop waist is the '20s, big poofy sleeves are the '80s, and that Pnina Tornai gown that had brides in an absolute chokehold (shoutout to Style #4019) is a 2000s wedding through and through.

Meanwhile, men can still go to the barber and ask for The Caesar; a hairstyle modeled after a man who has been dead for over 2,000 years.

Women's style and beauty standards change from year to year, season to season. And, in spite of all these rapidly changing styles from our eyebrows to our skin, down to minutiae like the shape of our nails, we insist that there must be some way for the bride to exist in a vacuum devoid of time and impervious to changes in fashion.

And then there's the groom, who will probably just wear a suit.

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"In general, the bride faces much more scrutiny and pressure than the groom on their big day. The pressure to look timeless is no different," said Poshmark's Merchandising & Curation Expert, Chloe Baffert. "The wedding dress is treated as if it's the only important dress you'll wear in your lifetime. The same cannot be said for the groom, who is sure to wear a tux or suit when attending his next black tie wedding or event."

Hindsight Is 20/20

Of course, there's value in not wanting to look back and think, "Oh my god, what was I doing?" Then again, I'm still actively trying to figure out how I can make a mechanical bull work at my wedding reception, so some people are beyond saving.

When looking through "timeless wedding" aesthetics on Pinterest, it became apparent to me that "timeless" roughly translates to "all white everything." White florals, white linens, white chairs, white lighting. While the all-white aesthetic is impossibly chic, it seems that timelessness almost requires the couple to strip their personalities away in favor of a perfectly neutral look. Emma Atwood, a marketing director who got married in 2013, prioritized a timeless wedding but said she wouldn't do it quite the same way.

"I was so concerned with my wedding being timeless that looking back, it was totally boring," Atwood said. "I took no risks. I was so happy with it at the time but ultimately it was very vanilla and I would do it totally differently now. But I also have the benefit of age, a more developed sense of who I am and what I like now. At 25, I made very safe choices."

Then there are brides like Katie Clayton, an elementary school educator who got married in 2018. She completely disregarded timelessness, and made choices that felt true to her at the time like wearing a blush dress, doing her own makeup, and accessorizing with '80s-style statement earrings.

"I think too many brides trade their personality in for a timeless look because they're haunted by Aquanet bridal hairdos," Clayton said. "I look back on my photos and see how happy and comfortable I was, not how glad I am that I chose a dress the internet would love in 2052."

Don't Sweat It

There are so many factors to consider when planning a timeless wedding. From the dress to the photography to the decor, invitations, signage, and playlist. So many that, frankly, basically can't be done. Couples cannot be held responsible for creating a bubble-boy style void for their wedding so that when they look back, they have absolutely no indication of when the wedding took place.

And what a freeing thought.

Once we accept that a timeless wedding is all but impossible, it frees us up to make the choices we'd rather make anyway. For me, that means disco balls, terracotta-colored baby's breath, and walking down the aisle to a string quartet version of my favorite Dolly Parton song. For you, that might mean a silent disco reception, a colorful dress, or having some kind of livestock at your reception (it's a thing!). Whatever it is, go full tilt. You won't regret it.