Is It Okay to Start Planning Your Wedding Before Getting Engaged?

If you're in a committed relationship but you don't have a ring on that finger (or you haven't popped the question) just yet, you may be wondering whether you can start planning your wedding before your engagement. The answer? It's not exactly black and white. Below, read our take on this topic, including what to expect if you plan your wedding pre-proposal, the tasks that are okay to work ahead on and those you may want to reserve for when you're officially engaged.

In this article:

• Is It Okay to Plan a Wedding Before an Engagement?
• What Planning Tasks Are Okay Before Getting Engaged?
• What Planning Tasks Should You Wait On?

Is It Okay to Plan a Wedding Before an Engagement?

Like many aspects of wedding planning, the decision to start planning your wedding before you're engaged is really a personal choice. But you might be surprised to learn that most couples start the planning process before the question is popped. According to the new Engagement & Jewelry Study from The Knot, 70% of couples take at least one planning action before officially getting engaged, and an even higher percentage—90%—talk about the wedding before the proposal.

Some may say you should absolutely wait until you're engaged to start planning, while others will agree that the decision depends on a variety of factors—including whether you know a proposal is in the pipeline (i.e., you've discussed getting engaged and married with your partner), you'd like a speedy engagement but don't want to limit your choice in vendors or you're certain your significant other is your forever partner. In fact, many agree that a conversation with your partner about getting engaged and then married is already a proposal, albeit unofficially. Therefore, there is no harm in working ahead if it's something you and your spouse-to-be want to do—wedding planning takes time and the process can be somewhat competitive, so getting a jumpstart can be extremely helpful.

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Be aware, though, that due to varying opinions on this topic, members of your family or friend group may not understand why you're planning ahead. This could result in you receiving unsolicited (or perhaps uncalled for) advice. Accordingly, some couples opt to keep their pre-planning under wraps until they are officially engaged to avoid others' opinions. Ultimately, the decision to plan—and to do so openly or quietly—is up to each couple.

What Planning Tasks Are Okay Before Getting Engaged?

While the decision to plan ahead (and the extent to which you do it) is personal, below, we've identified seven areas of the planning process that are safe to start with before you or your significant other gets down on one knee.

Envisioning Your Wedding Day

You may be the type of person who has dreamed of your wedding your whole life. Or maybe you haven't given it much thought. Many fall somewhere in between. However, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of having #WeddingGoals, envisioning and finding inspiration for your big day before you're an engaged couple is acceptable and common. According to our study, 46% of couples started gathering ideas online before getting engaged. Looking for a place to start? Browse our Pinterest account for ideas about all aspects of your wedding day.

Determining Your Ideal Wedding Date, Month or Season

An extension of envisioning your wedding day is determining your ideal wedding date, month or season—all of which are ok to do with your partner before your engagement. In fact, according to our study, 67% of couples discussed the ideal time of year for their wedding before getting engaged. If you are both set on a certain date for a sentimental reason, that can impact other pre-proposal wedding-planning decisions you'll want or need to make, such as reaching out to a dream vendor or venue well in advance before they book up.

Following or Saving Your Must-Have Vendors on Social Media

Turns out that 22% of couples start following wedding vendors and accounts on social media before the question has been popped. Similarly, social media sites like Instagram and TikTok make it easier than ever to discover, follow and be inspired by amazing wedding vendors (many of which you can book through The Knot Vendor Marketplace) before your engagement. You can utilize the search feature on your favorite social platform to find content related to the wedding topic you're looking for, or you can use wedding hashtags to see what's trending. Then, once you're engaged and ready to fully embark on planning, you can revisit these vendors to aid yourself in the process.

Booking Vendors

This step in planning before your engagement is one that can be polarizing. But that doesn't mean booking vendors in advance is something you shouldn't do. According to our study, nearly a quarter of couples researched wedding vendors before their engagement—and 10% actually went ahead with booking. Do what makes sense for you; just be sure you are certain of and confident in an impending proposal to or from your partner so you don't lose out on money should your plans fall through. An example of when booking in advance might make sense? If you have a dream venue in mind that books up quickly or you want to have a short engagement. It turns out that it's pretty common for couples to at least start researching venues before the engagement—over a third browse venues on a site like The Knot, and over a quarter actually reach out to check availability and cost.

Putting Money Aside for Your Wedding Budget

According to our study, over a quarter of couples research wedding costs before getting engaged, and half discuss who will pay for the wedding—a finding that is not only smart, but also necessary for modern couples in today's economy. Therefore, discussing your wedding budget with your partner and even beginning to put money away into savings for your future big day before you get engaged can be a beneficial move.

Picking Out Your First Dance Song

Do you share a special song with your significant other or have a ballad you've been keeping in your back pocket for your wedding someday? Save it for your first dance! Deciding on your first dance song while you're still dating can be sweet and special—and make it all the more sacred during your wedding reception.

Narrowing Down Your Wedding Party

Figuring out how many people a couple will have stand at their side during their wedding ceremony is something many unofficially determine, or at the very least think about, before they're soonlyweds. If you and your partner fall into this category, rest assured you're not alone. There is nothing wrong with deciding on that number, and who will fill each spot, before you're engaged. Doing so will even allow you to speed up the wedding party proposal process once you are engaged.

What Planning Tasks Should You Wait On?

Although some tasks are okay to complete in advance of your proposal, others are better left for after the question is popped. Explore four of these areas below.

Asking Your Wedding Party

Yes, it's fine to narrow down your wedding party before your engagement. However, we recommend waiting until you have a ring on your finger to officially ask your family members and friends to be part of your wedding party. Doing so will help you avoid unwarranted opinions about why you're asking in advance and enable you to save what can be a fun pre-wedding festivity for the special time that is your engagement.

Making Your Guest List

While it's pretty common for couples to start thinking about their guest list before getting engaged, it's best to avoid creating your official list until after you're officially engaged. Because relationships can change constantly, and because your guest count is heavily influenced by your venue, it is better to wait until you formally begin wedding planning to make your guest list.

Purchasing Your Attire, Invitations or Decor

Like relationships can evolve, so can your style—and quickly. While some future brides and grooms may feel differently, the safest bet is to wait to purchase your wedding dress, invitations and decor until you're engaged. This ensures your big day aesthetic is reflective of who you are at the time of your wedding. It can also help you avoid some extra heartbreak and financial stress should, worst case scenario, your engagement or wedding plans fall through.

Asking Others to Save the Date

Lastly, even if you determine your wedding date prior to your engagement, wait to ask others to save the date until after your engagement. Your loved ones will likely want to celebrate the milestone that is your engagement before jumping straight into thinking about your wedding day. It's important to savor that moment in time together.