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Updated Mar 17, 2025The Dos and Don'ts of Proposing to Your Wedding Party
There's a right time for everything.
by
Sophie Ross
You're getting married! And that means you get to ask some of your favorite people in the world to stand by your side on one of the most important days of your life. And while it may seem like an easy, straightforward task, there are some things you need to consider. It's extremely important to be tactful and thoughtful about how—and when—you ask, so we've compiled the dos and don'ts of proposing to your wedding party.
Don't jump the gun.
The last thing you want to do is excitedly send out a bunch of bridesmaid proposal texts the night you get engaged—and then realize you forgot to include your cousins and sisters-in-law in the count. Obviously, it's not okay to retract a proposal—ever, so that brings us to our next point…
Do put thought into it.
Yes, you may have been planning your wedding party list since college, but it's still important to consider every single person before you ask. You also don't want to accidentally end up with more attendants than you envision. Nail down an ideal number first. While 12 might initially sound like the perfect amount, you may end up only wanting four after really thinking about it.
It's also important to talk to your partner. While it's totally acceptable to have an uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids (or groomswomen and bridesmen), you may realize you prefer to have an even number for aesthetic purposes. Essentially, make sure you're 100 percent set on your list and on the same page as your partner before making any moves.
Don't do it in front of other friends you're not including.
You may think your engagement and wedding is all about you, but it's important to take other people's feelings into account. If you propose in front of other friends you don't plan on including, they'll likely feel extremely hurt and excluded and shafted. It's one thing for them to find out later that they're not included (in which case, you may have the chance to talk to them about it first), but having them present for your proposals is a big no-no.
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Do it one-on-one.
Set up one-on-one coffee or lunch dates with the members of your future bridal party for your official proposals. This way, the moment is private and personal, and you won't have any potentially bitter friends on your hands. (And if your wedding party members live out of town, we love these creative delivery service gifts for a sweet way to propose via snail mail.)
Don't do it at your engagement party.
While this celebration may seem like an apt time to officially pop the question to your attendants—after all, you'll likely have all members of your wedding party in one place for the first time—it's not a good idea. Not only will it make the moment less special, it may also cause tension with those who are going out of their way to celebrate you—only to find out they aren't going to be a part of your special day. Not a good look.
Do host an official brunch or get-together.
But if you still want to kill two birds (or five, or nine) with one stone and ask everyone at once, simply host a brunch or dinner with your final list. This way, the moment will still feel nice and private, and you'll get your wedding party members who might not know each other very well together to bond before the official celebrations and activities begin.
