Sex and Marriage: Are Couples Satisfied With Their Sex Lives?

Everyone's sex lives are different—and no one way (or frequency) is better than the other. When it comes to sex and marriage, maybe you're no longer shacking up like bunnies like you did when you were newlyweds or your intimacy has wavered over time. Now, you might be wondering: How can I talk to my partner about increasing sexual satisfaction?

"Sex is the unspoken language of marriage. It is like the pulse of a marriage. When it's strong, the whole relationship thrives," says Andrew Mioch, a sex and relationship coach with more than a decade of experience helping couples transform their intimacy and connection. "When it's ignored, it's like trying to run a marathon on no sleep. It's less about frequency and more about intimacy and connection."

If you're experiencing this, don't worry. You're not the only person to ever struggle with a lack of satisfaction and you won't be the last. After talking with real couples in The Knot 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study, we learned that only 10% of married folks aren't happy with their sex lives—but many couples are.

If sexual satisfaction in marriage is what you're after, we're here to help. With the expertise and tried-and-true methods of Mioch behind you, your marriage will be spiced up again in no time.

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In this article:

• Are Married Couples Satisfied With Their Sex Lives?
• What is Sexual Satisfaction?
• How to Improve Sexual Satisfaction in Marriage

Are Married Couples Satisfied With Their Sex Lives?

Design: Tiana Crispino

According to our study, we know that some married couples—as many as 36%—report that they're satisfied with their sex lives. And with a little time, love and dedication, that number could rise to a lot more couples being completely satisfied sexually. "For most couples, it's a mixed bag. It's hit or miss. Some couples are content, others not so much—but satisfaction isn't tied to how often, but about how connected they feel," Mioch says. "One couple's once-a-week can be another couple's daily fireworks if they're both getting what they need."

What is Sexual Satisfaction?

Sexual satisfaction, according to Mioch, is that sweet spot where emotional and physical intimacy collide. Think: feeling seen, heard and deeply desired. "It's not just climaxing; it's about the journey to connection," he says. "When both partners feel satisfied, it enhances every part of the marriage—from teamwork in daily life to long-term goals." And what could be better, and more aligned with marriage, than confidently feeling seen, heard and desired by your partner? It's a recipe for sexual satisfaction (and marital bliss) for a very long time.

How to Improve Sexual Satisfaction in Marriage

If you've Googled "How to increase sexual satisfaction" then you're in the right place. But remember: Getting to a place of sexual satisfaction starts with communication—and after you do that, use these six tips.

Use the Power of Anticipation

Did you know that 79% of married couples would say they don't schedule time for sex? If you're struggling in the bedroom department, many experts recommend finding time to tell your partner about your sexual needs and desire for intimacy and then schedule time out to make it happen.

"Schedule intimacy but don't schedule sex," Mioch suggests. "Instead, schedule a time when you might have sex—let the tension build naturally." Think: using the power of anticipation to get you both in the mood.

Reset the Bedroom

If you're looking for sex and marriage advice, we say change up or reset the bedroom. "Change something small in your bedroom. New sheets, different lighting or even just rearranging furniture can subtly shift the energy, making it feel fresh again. My wife and I regularly use palo santo or sage to clear our space from the old and invite in the new," Mioch says.

Partner Scavenger Hunt

Have a chat with your partner if you want something different sexually—maybe more frequency like the 61% of folks who say they have sex once a week or more. A great way to communicate and bring that into practice is through a partner scavenger hunt. "Maybe one of you leaves hints during the day—physical or emotional," Mioch says. "It could be a note, a whisper or even a lingering touch. The day builds up tension, leading to intimacy that feels more natural and exciting."

Non-Sexual Physical Touch Rule

Did you know that sexual satisfaction doesn't just come from sex itself? It is so much more than that. Sit down and tell your partner how you're feeling, and then suggest a non-sexual touch rule to get back to the basics and figure out what desires come up for you both. "For a week, remove all sexual intention and focus solely on non-sexual touching—back rubs, holding hands, brushing hair. It creates a layer of intimacy that rekindles sexual desire later," Mioch adds.

Flirt Outrageously in Public

What better way to communicate about sexual dissatisfaction than you and your spouse both putting in the work to bring the spark back? No matter how long you've been together, try flirting with each other as if it's your first date—outside of the house. That public display of playfulness, Mioch says, does wonders when you're behind closed doors later.

Erotic Storytelling

Lastly, if you really want to bring your communication (and intimacy) to the next level, try sharing what sexual desires and fantasies you have through storytelling. Even if it doesn't immediately lead to sex, it deepens trust and can bring excitement back into your connection. According to Mioch, it's like unlocking a new level of intimacy.