Bottoms Not Up: What You Need To Know About Sober Dating

The dating game has changed a lot in the past ten years. Think evolving relationship styles, new ways of communicating, unique date ideas and of course, the rise of social-media-friendly trends like sober dating. For some Gen Z folks, the days of "meeting for [alcoholic] drinks" are over, making room for an intentional dating space—and they're encouraging others to adopt the sober-forward dating trend, too.

But what is sober dating? Can it really benefit your dating life? Regardless of if you're going on a first date or planning a date night with a long-time partner, TikTok thinks you should give it the old-college try. After all, for those who are sober curious, the practice can have many benefits.

In this article:

• What Exactly Is Sober Dating?
• Why Sober Dating Is Trendy Right Now
• Sober Date Ideas
• How to Bring Up Dry Dating on a First Date
• How to Bring Up Sober Dating with Your Long-Term Partner

What Exactly Is Sober Dating?

The idea of sober dating, also known as dry dating, is actually quite simple: It's choosing to not to drink alcohol on dates, in order to be intentional about building a space for connection and staying present.

Sober dating shouldn't be confused with being in sobriety, though. While being in sobriety is essential for some folks who struggle with substance issues, dry dating isn't about staying sober but about increasing the possibility of a thoughtful romantic connection.

Why Sober Dating Is Trendy Right Now

These days, it's easy to get caught up in trends, only for them to blow over the next week. But the sober dating trend has stuck around—and for good reason. Here's why.

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It allows for true human connection.

After the last few years in a life-changing pandemic, many folks are looking for human connection, meaningful spaces and ways to nurture both new and current relationships. This Gen Z dating trend is a way to allow yourself to focus on human connection in the moment—instead of feeling a buzz at the bar or not remembering everything about the date the morning after.

Dry dating keeps you more present.

Picture this: You've had a few drinks and you're more focused on the feeling than you are on listening to your date talk about their hometown. This isn't exactly a recipe for connection. If you're trying sober curious dating, however, you're more likely to be present when they tell you what their favorite color is or if they're a coffee or tea person.

It fosters a feeling of safety.

Feeling safe, especially while you're on a date, is extremely important. By eliminating alcohol (especially while on a first date with that person you met on a dating app), you can feel safe, have a clear mind and make decisions that you know will be right for you.

You can truly see how you mesh.

Just starting to date someone? Without a Manhattan or Cosmopolitan in the mix, you'll be able to clearly see how and if you mesh with the other person. This one doesn't apply so much for long-term partners, but if the relationship is fresh, you're more likely to see how you do or don't fit together sans alcohol.

You might have deeper conversations.

Sometimes, having a few drinks while on a date can actually hinder conversation instead of help it. You might be more likely to have a deeper, more meaningful conversation (that you'll remember clearly) while enjoying mocktails at the bar than you would after three drinks. Having deep conversations, no matter where you are in the relationship, can allow you and your partner to feel more understood and accepted. Who doesn't want that?

Sober Date Ideas

Now that you're sold on dry dating, here's what your date nights are about to look like. Spoiler: We see lots of fun, wholesome couples activities in your future. These sober date ideas work for every type of relationship, whether it's your first date or regularly scheduled quality time with your person.

Get outdoors.

This one might be a little obvious, but getting outdoors is one of the best ways to hang out together. Make it an activity like hiking, cycling or rowing to take the pressure off filling every gap in the conversation. If you're at a later stage in your relationship, try a picnic in the park or stargazing for a romantic and relaxed date. No alcohol needed.

Let food lead the way.

Taking away the drinks is fine, but don't come for our dinner dates. The good news is you can still enjoy a lovely meal together, and a mocktail will go down just as easy after the last course. While you're committed to sober dating, why not experiment with other food-related date ideas? Grab breakfast together, browse the farmer's market, share your favorite street food, take a cooking class, the options are endless.

Plan a cultural activity.

Sober dating is a great opportunity to embrace daytime dating. There are lots of interesting things to do together during the day that aren't really an option during primetime at the karaoke bar (or whatever you usual scene is). Visit a local art gallery, museum or historical site and learn a little more about the world while you learn about each other.

Be thrill-seekers.

You already know this, but you don't need alcohol to get your kicks. Plan a date around a thrilling activity that involves heights (think: hot air ballooning), water sports (kayaking, anyone?) or a trip to your nearest theme park. It's a lot more memorable than a night at the bar.

Share a hobby.

Dates are all about getting to know each other better. Even if you've been together forever, there's always room to grow your understanding of your other half. One fun way to do just that is to ask them to share one of their hobbies with you (or vice versa). You'll get an insight into their world and get to try a fun new activity too, whether it's golfing, decorating cupcakes, or something entirely different.

Do something you'd never usually do.

This one's kind of the opposite of sharing a favorite hobby with your date. It can be a little intimidating when one person has a ton of experience at something and the other is new to it. If you're not quite ready for that scenario, why not both embrace being newbies? Some quirky sober date ideas that might be a first for both of you include tarot reading, collage making or couples yoga.

See a show or game.

Live events are a great way to spend time together and they're just as fun without a drink in hand. See what's happening in the local arts scene (think: music, comedy, drama and beyond) or snag tickets to a sports game and cheer on the home team.

Explore the great indoors.

Getting outside is great, but it's not always practical. When the weather doesn't play ball, turn to the great indoors instead. Invite your date over to marathon your favorite movie or TV series. Pick up candles and face masks for a spa day (or massage oil candles, if you're feeling spicy). Pull out your favorite cookie recipe and get baking together. There are lots of ways to spend quality time at home.

Learn something new together.

We mentioned cooking classes already, and we stand by it as an excellent sober date idea. If you enjoy learning together, don't stop there. Couples in long-term relationships might enjoy signing up for a full-blown course together, like learning a new language. If you're still getting to know each other, stick to one-off dates like a dance lesson or painting class.

Get intimate.

You can certainly dedicate a date night to spicy activities, but you'll get much more out of it if you explore intimacy on other levels too. Spending quality time connecting with your partner in conversation will help you understand each other and, hopefully, strengthen your bond. To help you out, we've put together helpful lists of questions to ask for new relationships, questions to ask a girlfriend or boyfriend, questions to ask a husband or wife, and sex-related questions to ask your partner.

How to Bring Up Dry Dating on a First Date

Dry dating doesn't have to be intimidating. In fact, it can be a great way to start off a first date. If you're trying it out for the first time, we advise just being upfront about it when you get there. You can say something like: "I'm really looking to be intentional about dating, so I won't be drinking tonight because I just want to get to know you."

Dating, especially going on a first date, is all about feeling out if you and another person connect. Chances are, they'll respect your intentionality and honesty, which is a great start to a date. If they don't, they might not be the kind of person you're looking for. Either way, bringing up sober dating on a first date can be a great indicator of honesty, perspective and, above all, setting intentions.

How to Bring Up Sober Dating with Your Long-Term Partner

Maybe you're long past the first date but you're looking to incorporate sober dating with your long-term partner. If so, we still think the best approach is to be honest and forward. Tell your partner about sober dating, why it has piqued your interest and that you'd like to give it a try.

Try saying something like: "I saw this new dating trend on TikTok about dry dating, where you don't drink while out to be more present with each other. I'd love to try it out on our next date night."

By now, you and your partner are probably well in-sync, but building connection in relationships never stops. To have lasting communication, intimacy and understanding, being able to say what you want is key. If you're sober curious, or simply just want to give dry dating a spin, our best advice is to say it out loud.

Additional reporting by Naoimh O'Hare.