Why My Future Wife and I Are Both Wearing Wedding Dresses
I'm marrying my absolute favorite human this fall, and she has no idea what I'm wearing.
Maggie Dixon
Updated Sep 09, 2020
Five years ago, Allie met Sam on a Tinder date not knowing that she would become her partner… in every aspect of life. The to-be-weds are the forces behind the blog, Allie & Sam, while managing a social media firm together. To add to the mix: they're engaged and members of The Knot's Most Influential Weddings of 2019. Here, Allie documents some of the challenges with wedding dress shopping and what she and Sam have decided to do for their same-sex wedding attire.
It's such an exciting and overwhelming feeling to finally plan the day I've imagined my entire life. In some ways, it will be exactly what I've envisioned for decades--but with one slight difference in detail: I'm marrying a girl, and we're both wedding dress shopping.
When I first started wedding planning with my fiancée, Sam, the one tradition we particularly wanted to keep as part of our wedding day timeline was to share a quintessential first look. (Meaning: we'll get ready separately and surprise each other with our dresses before we walk down the aisle.) The challenge with this, however, was maintaining secrecy while finding gowns that would be complementary to our overall aesthetic.
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Our solution had to come from a middle ground vendor, a service where we each designed a custom dress, while a stylist steered the overall look in a nice direction. We ultimately tapped a company called Anomalie to service our outfit preferences. The brand ended up matching us to one stylist, who would ensure our chosen designs paired well.
Complicating our wedding day attire plan (ever-so-slightly) was our decision to have two looks on our wedding day. After the ceremony and right before the cocktail hour, we're planning a dress swap and we've decided to help the other choose her dress for this portion. Sam and I both chose gowns from Watters, adding a fun element to the process as we narrowed down the options. What made it difficult was having to choose one gown for the reception.
Thankfully, we're enjoying the best of both worlds by having the traditional surprise of the first look, along with our non-traditional reception dress excursion. Here are a few suggestions from our dress shopping experiences.
We're Sticking to Our Style
When I first started looking at dresses, I was sifting through massive ballgowns and long sleeve lace dresses, which looked amazing on models, so I assumed this style would look good on me. I was wrong. When I tried these silhouettes and fabrics on, I looked like an entirely different person. These particular styles just didn't reflect me.
The moment I put on the dress that I will be wearing down the aisle, I felt more like myself than with any of those other pieces. Any bride and groom should want to feel like their best selves on the wedding day, and it took me a while to realize that. Sam and I found that we ultimately want to be the best extensions of ourselves as we walk down the aisle. Thankfully, we both have similar taste, but very different body types. Even though our dresses will flow nicely, we'll still look different, because we wouldn't want to look like twins on our wedding day.
We're Considering Comfort
Picture this: You're both in wedding dresses on the dance floor, but when it's time to get down, you simply cannot. Wedding dresses can be stunning, but man, some are heavy, others are tight, and a few, in fact, are itchy. Most of the dresses I tried were immediately removed from the list before I even looked into the mirror.
To me, the best part about a wedding is getting to shake my booty (well, most would say I awkwardly bob). When choosing a dress style, I did a little dance in the fitting rooms to be sure I could flail my arms in comfort.
If you're set on a heavy ball gown or a tight dress that makes it difficult to move, think about ways you can make things easier on the day-of. If you're going to be groovin' the minute the DJ starts (I know I will be), you might want to consider a second dress that allows for those awesome moves.
We're Following Our Vision
People's opinions are great, but ours was the most important with the wedding.
Sam is the complete opposite to me, and is able to make decisions in a fraction of the time. She definitely knew her vision going into things, and that made the process a lot easier for her. Overall, our advice is simple: if it doesn't feel right, don't pick it.
Sometimes the weight of making an important decision can take the fun out of the process. So, be sure to relax too. Enjoy trying things on and going with the process, even if that includes you changing your mind a few times. You'll want to look and feel your best so keep your needs in mind.
