8 Expert-Approved Tips on How to Manage Money as a Couple

Please note: The Knot and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, financial or tax advice and should not be used as such. You should always consult with your financial and tax advisors about your specific circumstances. This information contained herein is not necessarily exhaustive, complete, accurate or up to date and we undertake no responsibility to update. In addition, we do not take responsibility for information contained in any external links, over which we have no control.

Although money isn't quite the taboo conversation topic it once was, its history as such can make discussing how to manage money as a couple seem a little uncomfy. It makes sense considering that money is more than what's in your wallet; it's emotional, and it's also something you're used to managing on your own. Talking about finances with your partner requires compromise and often an understanding of their financial language. But it's important to have these conversations; fighting about money can hurt both the quality and longevity of relationships, and it's often one of the biggest conflicts when couples in long-term relationships are having a disagreement.

"Money is one of the top stressors in relationships, and avoidance only amplifies conflict," says Megan McCoy, a certified financial therapist, marriage and family therapist, and assistant professor of personal financial planning at Kansas State University. Good thing we're here to help. We talked to her and Khara Croswaite Brindle, a licensed financial therapist in Colorado, for the best ways to manage money as a couple.

FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT

Create a Shared Financial Goal

The first way to manage money as a couple is to make sure you're on the same page. That includes identifying and creating money goals together. Want to save for a vacation? Pay off debt? Invest in your child's college fund? It's all about what can bring you together around money, explains Croswaite Brindle. "Having a shared financial goal has been shown to improve couples' dynamics overall, not just with money," she says.

Successful couples see money not just as numbers, but as a way to build a meaningful life together, adds McCoy. Revisiting shared financial goals regularly creates a sense of teamwork and direction. She says, "Integrating rituals, like revisiting goals on anniversaries or celebrating milestones, helps reinforce financial and relational intimacy. Financial goals aren't just about what the outcome is, but truly this sense of 'we've got life handled together.'"

Make Money Meetings Fun

Of course, you'll need to have regular money meetings to check in on those financial goals. The trick is to make it feel like less of a chore and more like something to look forward to. Croswaite Brindle advises considering how you can schedule time to talk about money in a way that's enjoyable for both of you. Maybe it's about having comfy clothes on, being outside or going to your favorite coffee shop. "By incorporating our five senses in pleasurable ways, we are more likely to have meaningful money meetings with our partner," she says.

These conversations don't need to be heavy or negative, says McCoy. Think of them as ongoing "money dates" where you share updates, ask questions, and align on your values and dreams. "My favorite money date with my husband is our lottery ticket date, where we buy a lottery ticket and then go to dinner and discuss if money were no option, what would be different about our lives," she says. "At the end of the day, the conversation helps us really think beyond the numbers and more about what we can do to support one another better."

Explore Red Light, Green Light

Spend one of those money date nights identifying purchases that are values-aligned versus purchases you're not comfortable with. "The red light, green light approach is all about writing down the things you find valuable to spend your money on (green light) as well as a list of things you don't want to spend your money on (red light)," Croswaite explains.

Once you've each done that, compare your list to your partner's to see what aligns and what doesn't. "This could decrease the risk of miscommunication or assumptions that we both agree on all things we want to spend our money on," Croswaite says. "For example, on vacation, if Partner A likes to spend money on traveling comfortably, such as flight upgrades, is that theirs to fund? If Partner B finds value in eating delicious food, are they electing to spend their own money on that experience while on vacation together?" Together, you can lay out a plan to navigate these differences, reducing challenges that may arise down the road.

Consider Joint Funds and Separate Funds

"I like to think of this as a Venn diagram: mine, yours, ours," says Croswaite Brindle, explaining that this involves deciding which funds need to be combined and for what purpose. For example, do you want a joint fund for a mortgage or rent, childcare, utilities or groceries? Then, ask yourselves what would remain of each partner's own money to spend.

Some people start by combining finances into a joint account, then allotting guilt-free spending to each partner's own account to spend as they like, while other couples deposit their income into separate accounts and then contribute to the shared account for shared expenses. "This strategy supports couples who have different incomes in finding what's fair, which isn't always contributing the same amount," she says. "And the guilt-free spending within their own accounts reduces stress, financial gatekeeping and broken trust because they have an amount they can spend from, and when it's gone, it's gone."

This is also a time when you want to talk about handling debt. What joint debt, like a mortgage, do you have? What individual debt, like student loans, do you have? Create a plan not just to determine who will pay it off, but how.

Plan for Worst-Case Scenarios

Tensions can run high if you're upset that your partner splurged on something you consider a red light—let alone if a major life event happens, whether it's a job loss or a recession. But creating a strong financial plan together can account for these kinds of scenarios and help you weather the storm whenever it blows. A key part of this is building an emergency fund, which should be one of your joint funds. The general rule of thumb is to have at least three to six months' worth of expenses saved for those rainy days.

Be Transparent

When talking about money, it's important to practice honest communication. Couples who thrive financially tend to be open about their debts, credit scores and spending habits, according to McCoy. Research shows that clear financial roles and trust in your partner's financial behavior are linked to greater relationship satisfaction, she says, whether one partner takes the lead on daily money management or responsibilities are shared.

"Financial infidelity, or lying about finances, even by omission, is way too common and it's usually the proverbial 'canary in the coal mine' for couples that either one person doesn't feel like they have the power to ask for what they want, or is feeling shame about their spending, or that communication skills are missing," McCoy says.

Download a Budget App

An easy way of managing money as a couple and staying on top of your finances together is to keep track of them using specifically designed budget apps for couples. They're convenient, can increase your financial literacy and help you work toward more equal control of finances in your relationship, even if it's something as simple as building a grocery budget for two or as complicated as planning your wedding budget. They can also help make conversations about finances more constructive, according to finance coach and founder of City Girl Savings, Raya Reaves. "Because the budgeting app does a lot of the tracking, couples can feel like the information is unbiased and not one-sided," she says.

Practice Healthy Conflict Skills

Disagreements are inevitable, but how you argue about them makes all the difference. McCoy recommends avoiding the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling—which predict relationship breakdown. Instead, use soft start-ups, take responsibility where you can, express appreciation and take breaks when emotions run high.

"Learning to resolve solvable problems together and to compromise builds resilience in both finances and love," she says. "This is incredibly important when it comes to money fights, because research has shown money fights tend to escalate faster and are more difficult to resolve than other kinds of fights, so using conflict resolution skills is essential."