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Updated Mar 06, 2025Contra-Dating Is the Latest Relationship Trend Said to Lead to True Love
Ahem, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce...
Photo: Getty Images | Design: Falak Khoja
You've seen it play out in countless rom-coms, from The Proposal to The Breakfast Club. You may also have noticed the whole 'opposites attract' concept playing out IRL (ahem, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce). Now a bonafide dating trend, it now even has its own TikTok-approved moniker: contra-dating.
While dating outside your typical 'type' isn't particularly new—as the aforementioned examples demonstrate—the term, contra-dating, itself has been gaining traction as of late with daters, TikTokers and some relationship experts urging others to give those outside of their usual dating pool a chance. And if the so-far-so-damn-good success of Swift and Kelce's relationship is any indication, they might be onto something.
In this article:
What is Contra-Dating?
Let's take it syllable by syllable, shall we? Reportedly coined by the online dating site and app Plenty of Fish, contra- is short for contradiction. So when you break it down, contra-dating essentially means dating someone who may be a contradiction of the type of person you usually go for. (Remember how Swift was previously known for dating moody musicians and creative types?)
This could mean branching out to outside your social circle to find a love match, or swiping right on individuals that may not check particularly boxes that you are used to treating as must-haves. Upholding certain standards or values and paying heed to red flags in a potential new suitor are one thing—but eliminating a significant portion of dating pool because of differing interests or a certain set of aesthetics is what contra-dating is asking you to reevaluate.
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Say for instance that you're of an analytical nature. Perhaps you work in finance or graduated with a business degree. You prefer reading non-fiction over novels and are a fan of spreadsheets and five-year plans. Thus, you look for similar qualities in those you date.
To try contra-dating, you may broaden your horizons by embarking on a first date with someone who may not work a typical nine to five, a big-time dreamer who loves to get lost in fantasy epic or someone who brings spontaneity to your more rigid schedule.
Why Should You Date Outside of Your Type?
If you find yourself drawn to a certain type of person repeatedly and without much success (however you may define a successful relationship), you may want to consider giving contra-dating a go. While it's not uncommon to date people with similar interests or characteristics, you could be missing out on an amazing relationship with a compatible someone by only pursuing relationships with those who embody a certain set of traits or have specific interests or passions.
Let's go back to the previous example: In this scenario, your (hypothetical) new dating prospect may break you out of certain patterns and introduce you to fresh adventures or new ways of thinking you may not have otherwise considered.
Of course, you should still stand by your non-negotiables. Think: whether or not you want to have children or specific political or religious values. But by rethinking areas in which you could be more flexible, you may find that you're fundamentally more compatible with someone outside of your normal 'type.'
For instance, Bumble discovered that users are widening their age range filters, identifying age-gape romances a top dating trend of 2024. "For two in three (63%) of those surveyed, age is not a defining factor when dating, with more than half (59%) of women respondents saying they're now more open to dating someone younger," the dating app recently reported.
How to Try Contra-Dating
We get it: Trying something new can be scary. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort. Curiosity and open-mindedness can lead you to new perspectives and personal growth, surprising connections, and insight into what you actually desire in a long-term partner. So, where does one start?
If you're currently a dating app user, one of the easiest (and low-risk) ways to try contra-dating for yourself is by reevaluating what prompts you to swipe right or left. Consider expanding your set filters. Additionally, giving pause to each potential match, asking yourself if you could possibly align on values or goals (rather than interests, characteristics or aesthetics).
As far as dating outside of the apps goes, plenty of daters have met their partners through friends-of-friends. So while you can certainly find success within your own social circle, contra-dating encourages you to break out of it. To do so, try (similarly) breaking out of your shell. Explore hobbies, sports leagues and classes that pique your interest, or get involved in your community. At the very least, you'll be nurturing your own interests or helping others and making friends. At best, you may discover a new potential love match, courtesy of contra-dating.
