Ghosting 101: The Guide to Understanding and Coping with Ghosting

Have you ever been getting to know someone, found yourself in a classic FWB situationship or even thought a date was going well, all for the other person to seemingly fall off the face of the earth soon after? That, my friends, is called ghosting—and you may be experiencing it.

And you're not the only one. According to The Knot 2024 Relationship and Intimacy Study, it was found that 46 percent of people reported having been ghosted, regardless of their relationship status—with 47 percent of those who are single or casually dating having been given the ghost treatment—and 43 percent of folks who are currently in a serious relationship sharing they've been ghosted in a previous relationship.

Design: Tiana Crispino

So, what gives? What is ghosting someone? Why do people do it? To help understand the hidden truth behind ghosting, we talked to Ally Moisse, a licensed relationship therapist, to spill the tea, below.

In this article:

• What is Ghosting?
• How to Know if You've Been Ghosted
• How to Cope with Being Ghosted
• What to Do Instead of Ghosting Someone

What is Ghosting?

Maybe you've never heard of the ghostly term and might wonder: What does ghosting mean? While the slang term might be relatively new, the phenomenon has probably been around forever. "Ghosting is the act of suddenly cutting off all communication with someone, usually in a romantic context, without any explanation or warning," Moisse says.

If you're experiencing this, then you know how painful the ghosting definition actually is. The choice and behavior of ghosting don't just leave the ghosted confused, but can also be incredibly hurtful and leave them wondering what went wrong. Plus, it comes in many forms: ignoring calls, texts, social media messages and even dodging someone IRL. Sometimes, folks might follow ghosting by breadcrumbing—when someone gives another person just enough attention to keep them interested but without committing to anything—and then ghost them, again. No matter how it's done, though, ghosting someone often signifies that the person doing the act is unwilling or unable to confront the relationship's end directly.

How to Know if You've Been Ghosted

Think you've been ghosted? What does ghosting look like? The signs are, unfortunately, not hard to miss. If you're unsure, though, Moisse says that the biggest signs of being ghosted are usually:

• Noticing that your messages go unanswered for an extended period and your calls are ignored.
• There's a sudden halt in all communication without any explanation.
• The person who ghosted you may have been responsive and engaged before suddenly disappearing, leaving you to wonder what happened.
• If you've reached out multiple times with no response, it's likely you've been ghosted.

If it feels like you're dealing with a phantom friend or lover in your life, it's likely because you are. Trust your intuition on this one.

How to Cope with Being Ghosted

If you're experiencing the definition of ghosting, you're truly not alone. Don't forget: So many people have gone through it too—especially if you're also a part of the LGBTQ+ community. According to our 2024 intimacy study, 56 percent of those who identified as LGBTQ+ report they have been ghosted. Regardless of what community you belong to, there are many expert-approved ways to cope with the pain of being the ghosted vs. the ghostee. "It's natural to feel hurt, confused, and even angry," Moisse explains, "Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment and just sit with them, but not for too long. You don't want to get stuck in those emotions. Allow yourself a couple of hours a day to feel them."

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Oftentimes, ghosting comes with a feeling of wanting to seek closure (which you may never get from the other person.) Instead, focus on seeking closure within yourself, and try to understand that you may never get the answers you're looking for, and that's okay. Make sure to focus on your self-care, too. Experiencing ghosting is painful, so take time for yourself and do things that feel good to you. "Talking to friends, family or a therapist can provide comfort and perspective," Moisse adds, "You're not alone, and sharing your experience can lighten the emotional load. Don't be ashamed of your experience, it happens to more people than you realize."

What to Do Instead of Ghosting Someone

Maybe you're not the ghosted but the ghostee. If so, it's okay. Just know that there are many other (healthy) ways to go about relationship dynamics that have nothing to do with ghosting someone. It may seem like an easy way out, but it leaves emotional scars. Instead, try these three approaches.

Be Direct

"If you're no longer interested in continuing the relationship, it's best to communicate this directly," Moisse says, "For example, you could say, 'I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't think we're a match.' This approach shows respect for the other person's feelings and provides them with closure."

Be Kind

Remember: kindness goes a long way. You can be honest without being harsh, Moisse explains. She suggests trying to frame your decision in a way that acknowledges the other person's worth. For instance, "You're a great person, but I don't feel a romantic connection and I think it's best for both of us to move on."

Offer Clarity

If there were specific reasons that led to your decision, sharing them can help the other person understand and grow from the experience. However, this should be done gently and only if you believe it would be helpful and constructive.

By choosing to communicate rather than ghost, it shows access to maturity, respect and consideration for the other person's emotions. It even sets a positive example for how relationships should be handled, even when they don't last forever.