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Updated Oct 14, 20247 Maid of Honor Tips if You Live Far Away From the Bride
Being the maid of honor is a big enough job when you live near your BFF. Here's how to support the bride—even from miles away.
N V MAUI MEDIA
Updated Dec 05, 2018
What do you do when your best friend, sister or cousin asks you to be her maid of honor, but you live a plane ride away from her and the wedding location? As psyched as you are to be her right hand—and as insanely fun as the wedding's going to be—the sheer number of MOH duties the job entails, coupled with the distance, can seem pretty overwhelming. Here's everything a long-distance maid of honor should know to help her BFF get married.
1. Trust your friend (and yourself).
Your bestie chose you because she loves and trusts you. She also knows you're not exactly a local, and still thinks you're the best person for the job—so don't forget that. And while you should obviously make an effort to be there for her as much as you possibly can, we're guessing she's already prepared to cut you some slack.
2. Overcommunicate.
Get to the heart of what your friend expects from you. Some to-be-weds want an honor attendant to tour venues, taste cake and come to every fitting with them. Others could care less how many showers they have (not because they don't love their MOH, but because they totally get they're busy too). Figure out what kind of bride your friend is, because it'll shape your honor attendant experience. If you talk openly first thing about realistic budget, planning and scheduling expectations, you'll avoid assumptions about each other on down the road. It's easy to miscommunicate when you're far away from each other, so set up some time to talk through it at the beginning.
3. Be honest and realistic.
In the spirit of overcommunicating, remember to be honest about what you can and can't do. Of course, assure your friend you'll always be there for her, but that there's probably a limited amount of time you'll be able to be there for her. For instance, it may be impossible to take four sets of vacation days to make the engagement party, shower, bachelorette party and wedding weekend. Let the bride know how many times, and when, you'll able to come, then ask her which events she wants you to come to the most. Maybe it's one weekend for a dress shopping trip, another for the shower and bachelorette party (you can even plan both parties for the same day), and, of course, the wedding. Figure all this out early—not only will you get better airfares, but you'll avoid saying, "Just call me when you need me and I'll get on a plane," when the truth is you can't actually do that.
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4. Get in touch with the mother of the bride.
Since you're far away, it's a smart to give the bride's mom a call—she'll be an awesome resource, not to mention a great shower-planning partner. (This is assuming she's not your mom too, of course.) If her mom's not local either (or she's not available or involved), one of the bridesmaids there can be your point person. Whomever your local pal turns out to be, she'll be able to give you the lowdown on how day-to-day wedding planning is going, as well as update you on bride's state of planning and so on.
5. Bond with the rest of the wedding party.
If you haven't already met and befriended them, connect with the other wedding party members to introduce yourself, say you're excited to meet/see everyone and even run through a few initial to-dos (like preliminary bridal shower thoughts and bridesmaid dress measurements). Touching base with the crew will make the entire lead-up and wedding day so much easier. They might be wondering why you're not around to help with day-to-day tasks but still sending them texts about what to do and when. Let them know you're there to help as much as possible, despite the distance.
6. Get used to talking on the phone.
You're used to texts and emails, but it never hurts to pick up the phone or video chat with the bride. Things can get lost in translation (even simply the tone of your messages), and conversations and decisions will move so much more quickly if you're talking, not typing. Beyond chatting with the bride, you might be expected to make some planing calls on the bride's or wedding party's behalf (think: confirming with the wedding limo company, booking bachelorette party hotel rooms and asking day-of hair and makeup artists for quotes).
7. Play up your day-of duties.
You can't be there for every moment leading up to the wedding, but you can be the best maid of honor ever on her wedding day. Make sure everyone's dressed and ready to roll on time. Hand the transportation company updated itineraries and directions from the ceremony to reception. Help the bride with anything from attaching her veil to running back to her room for a phone charger. Make sure she eats and drinks enough water (seriously, brides actually forget to do this), and always has a glass of champagne in her hand. Act as a quasi-host and assist the couple's parents, grandparents and any other guests with any needs. Finally, have a blast, take photos and be the beaming best friend she knows and loves.
