It Turns Out That Matchmakers Are 'In' Again: We Share Their Success Rates & Stories

One of the opening scenes of the film, Materialists, takes place in the swanky Manhattan offices of a professional matchmaking business. The all-female legion of dating experts toasts to Dakota Johnson's character, Lucy. "She's on her 11th wedding!" one colleague remarks as the team launches into thunderous applause and cheers. After all, weddings embody the pinnacle of success for a matchmaker and this inside glimpse into their worlds (and rolodexes) isn't as contrived as one would think. It's what Materialists director Celine Song experienced as a once-matchmaker, herself.

"That's what this dating industry is for, right? You want the matchmaking service so that you can get an account on The Knot," says Song in our conversation over video chat. "That's what matchmaking is headed towards—and that's the fantasy, right?"

"That," which Song is alluding to, is lasting love and commitment, and they're typically and symbolically embodied in the form of a wedding celebration. For most matchmakers, there is no greater gesture of reasonable success for their clients, especially those who are in search of marriage, than a wedding. There's a reason why the film (marketed as a rom-com) opens with a wedding, and there are multiple related scenes throughout Materialists.

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"Every wedding really expresses who's getting married, right?" says Song. "The truth will always come out about what everybody's taste is and what everybody is interested in expressing, because a wedding is a beautiful union and a great party. It's often a holy celebration of the miracle–that is two people partnering."

Credit: Atsushi Nishijima

While the obvious about connecting two qualified matches IRL is seemingly the goal for most matchmakers, some also feel that the dating period is an opportunity for self-reflection. "Matchmaking isn't just about finding you the perfect partner," says Adam Cohen-Aslatei, CEO of matchmaking service Three Day Rule. "It's also about helping you grow. Whether you're looking for a long-term relationship or you want to strengthen your dating skills, our approach supports both. We don't just hand you the fish… We teach you how to fish. Because real success in love means being empowered for the long run."

In Materialists, Lucy meets a dashing and worldly financier named Peter (played by the internet's boyfriend Pedro Pascal), at the nuptials of two clients who've met through her matchmaking services. Despite early attempts to enlist the brother-of-the-groom, Peter, to join her client roster, Lucy ends up dating him herself. It's easy to see why: Peter "checks" all the run-of-the-mill boxes of what her cultured New York-based clients desire in a lasting partner: He's over six feet, is easy on the eyes, acts with a level of deference, and represents what Gen Z refers to as "stealth wealth" or "old money." He's a "unicorn," Lucy tells him to his face in one scene; And in her self-deprecating way, Lucy wonders why Peter is pursuing her.

Design: Tiana Crispino

A decade ago, Song found herself working with clients in search of those elusive tens. In the early aughts of her developing career as a playwright, Song needed a steady day job, and was somehow catapulted into the world of matchmaking; Hence, why, moviegoers get an intimate glimpse into client interactions and why they're willing to pay for matchmakers' connections. One could argue that it's to satiate their respective checklists in what's considered a decent or quality partner, or that they simply lack the connections or time to put themselves "out there."

During that brief stint, Song discovered that some of her clients' dating standards or their general mindset often broached that of self-sabotage, preventing them from even being receptive to love. Simply put, they weren't ready for marriage, let alone a relationship. "Something I would run into when I was working as a matchmaker was [clients] who were trying to solve the problem of singledom by paying somebody a bunch of money," Song says. "But they weren't necessarily engaged with the actual passion and risk that are parts of looking for someone. They weren't actually looking for someone, but they spent a lot of money so they [could say to loved ones], 'Shut up. I'm doing something about it.' But they weren't actually doing anything about it."

"The film also reflects a common reality: clients can be selective, and that's okay," says Cohen. "But part of our role is helping them distinguish between essential compatibility factors and superficial preferences. With the right mix of non-negotiables and nice-to-haves, we dramatically increase the likelihood of success. And success is measurable. Professional matchmakers boast a success rate of 70 to 80%, which is significantly higher than the ~9% success rate typically associated with dating apps. That's a testament to the power of personalized, human-guided matchmaking."

Veritable matchmaking, be it through a professional service, friends or family members, could even help foster an environment and respect. It's about opening up to other avenues, including personal networks for discovering potential. Some couples may turn to arranged marriages, which is a form of facilitated matchmaking without the process of weaning out a life partner. That part is largely predetermined for largely cultural or socioeconomic reasons. "Involving parents raises the expectations of how potential partners will treat each other. You are less likely to ghost your mom's friend's kid than a stranger on an app," says Allison Raskin, New York Times bestselling author and co-host of the new podcast Starter Marriage. "As a relationship coach, I always tell my clients to explore as many avenues as possible to find a partner. So, if your friend or family has someone to set you up with, I say go for it."

The same goes for matchmaking services. It's a route that meets the eye of a certain type of profile, specifically for those who want to dabble in more intentional dating. "I think matchmaking is a good fit for 1) People who are burnt out from dating apps, 2) People who are too busy to spend a lot of time dating, and 3) People who don't know what they want from a relationship," says Raskin. "Matchmakers can help [or force] clients to get specific about what they are looking for and sometimes people need that push to be productive in dating."

Credit: Atsushi Nishijima

Song's character Lucy is a case study about the matchmaking community too. Several scenes show that while she's orchestrating opportunities and playing cupid by facilitating love for others, she's unable to see the romantic possibilities that exist for herself because she doesn't believe in them. "I didn't do it for that long," Song says of the job. "The movie has a relationship that is very complicated, and it isn't necessarily simple nor positive… Ultimately, I do think that Lucy stays on the job, but I don't think that it is something that is a client-facing job [in the matchmaking business]. It depends on the person to do it in a way that is humane. I think about this so much."

"One thing the film absolutely nails is the emotional investment matchmakers have in their clients' journeys," says Cohen. "We care deeply about our clients' success. This isn't just a job—it's a relationship-centered career where we get personally invested in helping people find real, lasting love."

If hiring a matchmaker is among your current considerations, It's encouraged to hire a professional who sees the opportunity not solely as transactional, but built on real potential. "Lucy, throughout the course of Materialists, goes from somebody who seems like she's very good at her job. But ultimately, she wasn't so good at her job because was dismissing herself as a human," says Song, who likens sourcing a matchmaker to finding a therapist. "By the end of the film, I think that she comes out of it being a more humane matchmaker, and therefore, in a way, just a better one."

Design: Tiana Crispino

One final consideration is that most matchmaking services require an investment, whether it be financial or time. "The biggest downside of matchmaking is that it is often cost-prohibitive, which means it is mostly serving those with some significant disposable income," says Raskin. "One potential way around this is to join a matchmaker's pool of potential dates rather than hiring them to take you on a client. There is sometimes still a fee associated with this, but it is significantly less than that of a full client."

Which brings us to this notion of the economics of a partnership or, bluntly said, marriage as a deal. "The thing we get to have as modern people, with so much authority over our own lives, is that we are able to say, 'Yes, we're doing this thing where you sign a contract, the way that you know billions of people have done before us,'" says Song. "It's the same act of marriage. But I have to say that the non-negotiable is that love is on the table, and I think that just has to be it. Love has to be the only non-negotiable from the person that you love. There is no other non-negotiable." And that's the crux of the movie: Love defies logic and that it defies any standard mathematical equation or simple checklist.

"Unfortunately, the dating market, or the way that we talk about dating as an industry… the truth is that you're just trying to increase the chances of getting hit by lightning in some way," Song remarks. "The apps, a matchmaker, all of these things are just a way for us to sort of [position ourselves and say], 'Well, how can we be even better equipped and better located to be hit by this total lightning strike?' Which is falling in love."

Design: Tiana Crispino

While we can agree that not every matchmaking endeavor will result in a marriage, that is the default hope for most. "As someone who has recently written a book about modern marriage, I obviously have a lot of thoughts about this. To quickly summarize what I've found in my research, I think that despite declining marriage rates, the institution is here to stay," says Raskin. "There is something powerfully symbolic about the commitment of marriage, even if it isn't a social necessity anymore."

And matchmaking, like everything else, can increase those odds in the search for love.