What to Do If Your Parents Keep Inviting Guests to the Wedding

Creating your guest list is one of the most demanding parts of wedding planning, as it will help determine your venue and budget. One thing that can make this process a little more difficult? Parents inviting guests to the wedding. Chances are, they have their own list of people they want to come to the big day. There are many ways to approach the situation, and there are a number of factors at play, including who is contributing financially, what your wedding vision is and the kind of relationship you have with your parents.

We tapped a few experts to weigh in on this awkward situation. Read below for advice on how to handle it. Then head to The Knot Vendor Marketplace to find a planner that'll help you navigate any sticky situations of your own.

In this article: Should You Let Parents Invite People to the Wedding? | How Many Guests Should Parents Invite to the Wedding? | What to Do If Parents Keep Inviting Guests

Plus: How to Handle Your In-Laws' Guest List

Should You Let Parents Invite People to the Wedding?

Of course, weddings are centered on the happy couple, but they're also a meaningful milestone for parents. They'll naturally want to share the celebration with their own friends and loved ones—even if those guests aren't especially close to the couple. In many families, cultural or traditional expectations also play a role, and certain B-list wedding guests are included as a matter of respect.

Another factor to consider is who pays for a wedding. Wedding guest list etiquette for parents states that if your parents are contributing financially to your special day, they have a say on who to invite to your wedding. However, if they're not pitching in on the price, you'll have more of a leg to stand on if you give them a limited number of guests.

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"It's my belief that everyone included on your day should have a personal connection to YOU as the couple," Emma Pool, COO of Fitzgerald Hospitality Group and planning and design Consultant for First Class Designs. "If your parents are asking to include them, it's likely these friends are important to them, so give them a little bit of grace, especially if your parents are contributing financially to your wedding."

"Start by first having a conversation with your partner about your overall vision and expectations for your wedding. Get clear on your wants and needs," recommends Stacy Brown, CEO and lead planner of Style Luxe Weddings. By being clear upfront about guest count and who you actually want there, the easier it will be to have more difficult conversations down the line.

How Many Guests Should Parents Invite to the Wedding?

When it comes to how many guests can parents invite to a wedding, Pool says: "If I had to put a number on it, I wouldn't allocate more than 10% of your guest list for your parents' friends."

However, an exact number for the parents' wedding guest list will vary by couple and family. "This number should greatly depend on the overall budget for the wedding, the venue capacity and your ultimate vision," says Brown.

"It's important to have the conversation with your parents prior to finalizing the guest list," advises Pool. (We suggest you bring it up during or shortly after the how to ask parents for wedding money conversation, as how much they contribute will determine how many people they'll be allotted to add to the guest list.) "Set boundaries and stick to them. You'll likely find that it's easier to cut people and stay firm to your allotted number, rather than adding more to compensate for 'gray area' in the guest list."

What to Do If Parents Keep Inviting Guests

So, you've had the initial conversations and you've made it clear to your parents how many guests they're allowed. What happens if the message is falling flat and they keep on adding friends to their list?

Address the situation immediately.

"At the first sign that your parents may not be respecting your guest list, have a conversation," says Pool. "This should be a straightforward interaction if you've laid out the ground rules ahead of time. The more you let things spiral out of control, the more emotional the conversation gets."

Be direct.

In terms of how to go about having this awkward conversation with your parents, Pool recommends, "Be understanding, but firm: 'Mom/Dad, I know you're excited to include people in our special day. We absolutely love our venue and set a strict guest list in order to make sure we could get married there. We ask that you not invite any additional friends and honor the list we agreed on.'"

Focus on venue capacity limits.

"Set boundaries and state facts in reference to venue capacity or budget restraints," suggests Brown. "I also highly recommend introducing a neutral third party to the conversation, such as a friend or wedding planner. This person will help mediate the conversation and give a different perspective."

Detail your budget and overall vision.

Wedding budgets are calculated on a per-person basis, so the more people you include when creating your guest list, the more it'll cost. Use this logic to explain to your parents that inviting more friends and family means you'll be paying more. If they offer to cover the cost of their extra guests or don't take it seriously, try explaining your vision.

Brown suggests something along the lines of "I understand how important it may be for you to invite more guests but we have a certain vision for the wedding that means the world to us and we'd like to stick to it" or "This is one of the biggest days of our lives and we'd like to only extend the invite to closest friends and family."

How to Handle Your In-Laws' Guest List

Dealing with your parents is one thing, but dealing with your in-laws' guest list is a whole other ball game, especially when finances are involved. "Explaining to your in-laws that they can't invite more guests may feel uncomfortable," acknowledges Brown.

"Start by explaining the importance of sticking to your original guest list and how deviating can add additional stress to the planning process." Another option is to let your partner handle the conversation with their parents one-on-one. "If your partner prefers to have the conversation on their own, don't take it personally," says Pool.

"The important thing here is to be a united front, and one partner shouldn't be the 'bad guy.'" Plus, letting them handle the tough conversation will take some stress off your plate, which should always be welcome during the wedding planning process.

Additional reporting by Shyla Watson