Spice things up with these steamy flicks.
Updated Oct 14, 2024How to Invite B-List Wedding Guests Without Being Awkward or Rude
The last thing you want if for someone to find out they're a B-lister.
Illustration: Shelby Warwood for The Knot
Wondering how to invite the B-list to wedding festivities? Step 1: Ensure you do so in a way that doesn't rudely hurt anyone's feelings. Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a monumental task that requires tricky prioritization, especially for intimate weddings or those with small budgets and venues. One way to do this effectively is by creating different wedding guest lists, including an A-list and a B-list. But how do A- and B-lists for a wedding work without being disrespectful? To help navigate this situation, we turned to wedding planners to give us the scoop on the etiquette for B-list wedding invites. Read on for their tips on how to invite B-list wedding guests politely.
In this article: What Is a Wedding B-List? | How to Determine Your Wedding B-List | How to Invite B-List Wedding Guests | B-List Wedding Etiquette
What Is a Wedding B-List?
Backing up for a second: What's the difference between an A-list and B-list for wedding invitations? Can you actually have a B-list of wedding invites? Cathy O'Connell, co-founder of COJ Events, explains that an A-list comprises the non-negotiable guests you absolutely want to attend your wedding. These are the folks who play an active part in your life, and you'd be greatly disappointed if they couldn't attend your wedding.
B-list guests, on the other hand, are the people that are not as important as A-list guests. "Not that you don't enjoy them," O'Connell says. "But, their presence may not be missed if they can't come." For example, a B-list can include extended and difficult family members, estranged relatives, colleagues from work or friends of your parents. However, it's also worth noting that you aren't required to have a B-list. For example, if you're worried about an uneven guest list, don't be—creating a B-list just to even out the guest list isn't a necessity.
FEATURED VIDEO FROM THE KNOT
What is the Difference Between the A-List and the B-List at a wedding?
In short, Janice Carnevale, owner of Bellwether Events, sums it up by saying that your B-list guests are the people who are nice-to-haves at your wedding. However, due to budget or venue size constraints, you must wait to see if anyone from your A-list can't make it to your wedding in order to invite people from your B-list wedding guest list.
How to Determine Your Wedding B-List
How to determine your B-list wedding invites begins with first calculating how many people to invite to your wedding based on your budget and wedding venue size. For instance, O'Connell says that for intimate events where the attendee list is smaller than the average guest list size, you may only have an A-list of guests and no B-list is needed. If you do have some wiggle room though, she advises couples to choose who is on their A-list vs B-list by how much time they spend with them. She encourages to-be-weds to ask themselves this question: Have you spent time with them in the past year? "If not, maybe they are B-list people, even if they are family." You could also base this decision on who you don't have a strong connection with compared to your A-list guests.
As for how long your B-list guest list should be, it depends on the length of your A-list. As a rule of thumb, Carnevale says your RSVP acceptance rate will increase as your A-list guest number decreases. So, if your A-list wedding guest list includes 100 or fewer guests, she recommends keeping your expectations low about how many people you'll be able to invite from your B-list without exceeding your original guest limits. For instance, she says micro-weddings of 20 to 50 guests may see a 100 percent acceptance rate, which wouldn't leave any room for inviting B-list guests. So keep that in mind as you craft your B-list and as you decide when to invite B-list wedding guests.
How to Invite B-List Wedding Guests
Once you've got your A-list and B-list wedding guest lists down, next comes inviting them. Below, planners offer their top tips on how to invite B-list wedding guests in a timely and effective manner.
Time your invitations strategically.
Timing is everything when it comes to politely inviting your B-list wedding guests because last-minute invites are a giveaway that someone wasn't on your top list. When you send wedding invitations and when your RSVPs are due greatly affects the timing of when you invite B-list wedding guests. Ideally, Carnevale recommends mailing your A-list invitations 12 weeks in advance and asking for RSVPs to be due eight weeks before the wedding date. Once the A-list RSVPs are in, you can then send your B-list invitations at the eight-week mark with an RSVP deadline of four weeks. Carnevale offers another pro tip: "You must print two versions of the invitation enclosure card that directs guests to RSVP by a certain date on your website."
Alternatively, if you're hesitant about having separate invitations with unique B-list wedding invitation wording, you can take a less structured route, but it may result in less space for B-list guests. With this method you can simply mail your A-list invites earlier and hope that your attendees are prompt and get back to you soon. Once you have a general feel of how many spaces have opened up you can start to selectively mail B-list invites (with the same RSVP date listed as the A-list invites). This method gives A-listers more time to decide, but it also won't free up lots of B-list space if your attendees tend to be stragglers. Ultimately, it's best to work with your wedding planner to decide what plan of attack will work best for your guest list.
Opt for digital RSVPs.
To help make the process of inviting your B-list guests as smooth and swift as possible, Carnevale advises opting for digital RSVPs only via your wedding website. Here's why: "Using a reply card through the USPS takes too long and is unreliable," she says. Furthermore, she cautions about having appropriate verbiage on your wedding website that doesn't tip people off that they may be on a different guest list.
B-List Wedding Etiquette
It's possible for a wedding B-list to be rude, and it's also possible to make one in a polite, caring manner. Here's some etiquette to keep in mind.
Be gracious.
As with handling anything wedding guest list-related, O'Connell says the most important thing is to be gracious about it all. For example, Carnevale says if, for whatever reason, a guest learns they were on your B-list, she recommends just being honest with them. Tell them your wedding guest list was restricted and you needed to stagger the invitation mailing process while RSVPs rolled in, but you are of course so happy for them to attend your wedding.
It's also worth noting that last-minute guest list additions aren't the same as a B-list. A B-list wedding guest is someone who's been on the guest list the entire time as someone who might get an invite. However, a last-minute guest, like a last-minute plus-one, is someone who was only recently added to the guest list because of an unforeseen circumstance. For example, maybe your brother started dating someone seriously in just the last couple of months and you'd like them to attend. Or you recently bonded with a friend at a book club you just joined, but you want to extend an invitation. In cases like this, the invitee will understand that they weren't on the original guest list, but will appreciate your hospitality in extending them an invite.
Be thoughtful with save-the-dates.
Here's the thing—everyone who receives a save-the-date should get an invitation. That means that B-list guests shouldn't receive save-the-dates as doing so essentially makes them A-list wedding guests. If you're having a destination wedding where the save-the-date is almost more important than the invite since guests will want to book flights early, keep in mind that there's a higher likelihood that B-list guests might end up declining if they're invited last minute. As such, it's important to be very thoughtful when you're deciding who you want to send save-the-dates to.
Additional reporting by Hannah Nowack
