What Is a Twin Flame Connection? How to Know if You've Found Yours

It's not the real deal unless you share the same soul.
Valerie Nikolas - The Knot Contributor.
Valerie Nikolas
Valerie Nikolas - The Knot Contributor.
Valerie Nikolas
The Knot Contributor
  • Valerie is a freelance contributor for The Knot Worldwide.
  • In addition to journalistic writing, Valerie also works as a marketing copywriter.
  • Valerie has a master’s degree in journalism from Northwestern University.
Updated Sep 28, 2021

In Plato's Symposium, written in 360 BC, he introduced an idea: Humans were originally created with four eyes, four legs, two hearts and one soul split in half. He claimed that we're destined to roam the Earth looking for our other half to make us whole. And thus, the concept of the twin flame relationship was born.

Thousands of years and many interpretations later, twin flames are trending, with celebrities like Megan Fox espousing the concept. You've likely stumbled across #twinflames somewhere on the internet, since a cursory search yields over a million Instagram posts and a billion TikTok videos.

So, what are twin flames? An ancient piece of spiritual wisdom? A reframing of soul mates through a New Age lens? Or a harmful concept that can give justification for toxic relationships? Keep reading for the full scoop.

What is a twin flame relationship?

Twin flames are thought to be twin souls inhabiting two bodies. When these souls meet, they experience an intense spiritual connection that can be emotional, turbulent and life-changing.

"Twin flames are put together to help humans evolve to their master consciousness," says Jusstine Kenzer, a psychic based in Los Angeles. In other words, twin flames should reveal our true selves, foster spiritual growth and make each flame a better person.

What are twin flame signs?

One of the telltale signs of a twin flame connection is an intense physical attraction from the very first meeting. This is usually accompanied by a strong emotional connection that only grows with time. For many pairs, these factors grow into romantic love, and oftentimes, lifelong partnership (but not always—more on that later).

According to Kenzer, who has worked with celebrities like Eva Longoria and Ellen DeGeneres, twin flames share countless past lives, so the instant spark they feel is the karmic connection of their shared history. This contributes to feelings of familiarity and an inherent knowing of the other person on the deepest level, even from initial encounters.

The twin flame union is usually joined by feelings of telepathy and synchronicities— unexplainable coincidences that hold major significance to the pair. These events are thought to be caused by shifts in universal energy due to the strength of the bond.

What's the difference between twin flames and soul mates?

While sometimes used interchangeably, twin flames and soul mates are not the same thing. Both are often used to describe "the one"—the person we're meant to spend our lives with. However, twin flames are thought to be one soul in two bodies, whereas soul mates are thought to be two souls in two bodies. Plus, soul mates are almost always romantic partners, whereas twin flames aren't necessarily.

Soul mates often have traits that complement one another. Because twin flames are kindred spirits, they often share similar positive and negative traits, which can deepen their understanding of one another, but also cause conflict.

Who can be a twin flame?

The strong bond of a twin flame connection is not limited to romantic relationships—it can happen with family members, friends or others who cross our path and with whom we share a deep connection.

Even if twin flames do become romantic partners, they're not always meant to have a long-term relationship. "Twin flames are often very difficult relationships," Kenzer says. "We can let go of this notion of having to find them, because it doesn't always mean happily ever after."

Are twin flames actually real?

Although #twinflames has been trending lately, most licensed mental health professionals do not include the idea in their practice. And although the concept has appeared in some religious and spiritual groups throughout the years, it's not officially backed by any school of thought.

"As a therapist, I struggle with romanticized ideas of relationships," says Farah Hussain Baig, a licensed clinical social worker based in Chicago. "I find it disappointing that young people are giving credibility to these concepts."

It's easy to find comfort in a feeling of kismet; that some cosmic force brought you and the person you care about together and that you're meant to be, regardless of the circumstances.

"In some ways, I think concepts like twin flames and soul mates justify unhealthy relationships, such as those between a married person and someone who's not their spouse," Baig says.

Instead of seeking deep, twin flame-style connections, Baig encourages people to study their attachment patterns to determine their blueprint for attachment.

"Using this blueprint can feel unsexy," she says. "But healthy, long-lasting love can often seem boring compared to concepts that seem mystical."

How can you find your twin flame?

If you want to attract twin flame love—or any type of similarly deep connection—the most important thing is to focus on yourself. "You don't have to go searching," Kenzer says. "You want to get in a healthy relationship with yourself, which will naturally attract this person to you."

Whether twin flames are fact or fiction, one thing is for certain: Self-love and staying true to your most authentic self are both surefire ways of attracting the right partner for a strong and healthy relationship.

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