What Is a Twin Flame Connection? How to Know if You've Found Yours

It's not the real deal unless you share the same soul.
Twin flame couple sitting on rooftop with candle
Photo: Maskot / Getty Images
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Elizabeth Ayoola
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Elizabeth Ayoola
The Knot Contributor
  • Elizabeth contributes a range of lifestyle content to The Knot.
  • She also works as a full-time writer at NerdWallet and contributing writer at ESSENCE and POPSUGAR.
  • Elizabeth has a degree in Environment, Politics, and Globalization from King's College London.
Updated Feb 12, 2024

When we meet people who transform our lives in some way, we often refer to them as "guardian angels". People who have this transformative impact on our lives may also be referred to as a twin flame. Many people seek to have a deep and indescribable connection with someone at least once in their lifetime, but how do you increase the odds of it happening to you? How can you be sure you haven't already met and missed your twin flame? We asked the experts to explain what a twin flame is and how to know when you've met yours.

Meet the Experts:

In this article:

What Is a Twin Flame?

A twin flame connection is a term used to describe someone you have an intense otherworldly connection with. While twin flames are more of a spiritual concept and not a clinical term, it's an idea that is often discussed within the context of modern-day relationships. Also, for those wondering if twin flames can be friends, yes, they can.

"People who align with the twin flame journey are individuals who incarnated with the goal of experiencing, what is referred to as, divine union," says Nancy Cooper, an intuitive business and feminine embodiment coach and twin flame teacher.

She goes on to explain that a divine union refers to individuals who have done so much healing work that they've been able to connect with their true divine nature.

"When one of these individuals finds another who has accomplished this as well, they are able to come together and merge their divine energies to experience oneness, when we die and our souls return back to divine source energy, while still in human form," Cooper adds.

When some people hear the term twin flame and fantasize about a Mills & Boon love story, which can be a misconception. Twin flame relationships often challenge you to grow and self discover. That isn't always romantic and doesn't always feel good, although it may at times.

Another misconception people have is that there is a single twin flame out there for them, Cooper says.

"This is a belief rooted in a lack mentality and has been perpetuated by many who attempt to capitalize on this sacred journey by selling a dream," she says. "We live in an abundant universe filled with limitless possibilities. The idea that there is just one person out there, on this whole planet, that can provide us with the relationship we desire, literally goes against the laws of the universe." She adds that believing there's only one twin flame out there for you can also put a lot of pressure on the other person.

What Is the Origin of Twin Flames?

The idea of twin flames can be traced back to Greek mythology. There are two stories that can describe the origins of twin flames. One can be found in Symposium (circa 385 BCE), a book by Plato, where he shares the myth that humans once had four legs and arms and two faces. The gods felt threatened by this and because of this, Zeus split the people in two. Consequently, humans would be in search of their other half, hence the term "twin flame".

Another theory about the origins of twin flames is that they're determined by birth charts and Zodiac signs. For instance, water signs may have a higher likelihood of being twin flames with this theory.

Signs You've Met Your Twin Flame

How do you know you've met your twin flame? There are a few signs, which we'll get into below.

You're Mirrors to One Another

One sign you may have met your twin flame is when you're mirrors to one another, says Cooper. This essentially means the other person helps you see yourself in new and deeper ways.

"Instead of those mirrors triggering the two of you, they allow for more growth and expansion due to the valuable feedback they are able to provide," she explains.

You may not always like what your twin flame reflects back to you, but the information will be essential to your growth and achieving a level of ascension that makes you capable of divine union, Cooper says.

"We need them to help us become fully conscious and aware of our deepest triggers and human conditioning. Those things are not possible to find without someone to mirror them back to us."

Feeling Déjà Vu

When you meet your twin flame, you may feel as though you've met them before. It can even feel like you're experiencing déjà vu, in this life or a past life. You may also feel like you've always known them even if you're just getting to know each other. These feelings could mean you've met one of your twin flames.

Similar Worldviews

Twin flames often share similar worldviews, so this may be another sign you've met yours. Do you share almost identical values? Both have the same views about families, politics and religion? It may be because this person is your other half.

How to Attract Your Twin Flame

Twin flames may seem like something beyond our control, and to some extent they are. However, you can put yourself in the position to attract your twin flame. One way is by focusing on your healing, says Nicole Simpson, a spiritual, relationship coach and certified matchmaker.

"Your twin flame is meant to teach you more about yourself, and also to open up any wounding that you have within you in order for you to heal it," she says.

Twin Flame vs. Soulmate

Twin flames and soulmates are often confused and understandably so, since they're similar concepts. However, twin flames differ from soulmates in the sense that you experience divine union with them in this lifetime, and not former ones, says Cooper.

"A soulmate is someone with whom we have experienced other lifetimes, and have a soul contract to fulfill certain roles for one another in this lifetime," she explains.

Another difference between a twin flame relationship and soulmate is that the latter is a separate soul from you, says Simpson. Similar to twin flames, you can have multiple soulmates.

"They are meant to harmonize with you, but don't necessarily trigger deep profound healing," says Simpson.

Are Twin Flames Always Positive?

Twin flames mostly have a positive end goal—to help you self-actualize. However, that may not always feel good. If you think about 'growing pains' you've experienced any time you've evolved, you can probably relate to the idea of it being good for you, but not feeling great.

Cooper also adds that sometimes, we meet our twin flame but aren't ready for pairing and in those cases, it can become a triggering and toxic union.

"These people are not meant to be with us long term," Cooper says. "They were simply put on our path to provide us with more feedback as to the type of healing work we need to do in order to be able to pair with a twin later on."

Speaking of healing, that is one of the main purposes of a twin flame, says Cooper.

"The twin flame journey is about healing and transcending the confines of the human condition so they can experience oneness in human form," she says. "It's not a romantic love story and most importantly, there is not some magical person out there that will make us feel whole. That level of connection and wholeness can only ever be felt or experienced through inner healing, self-love and reconnecting with our own divinity. Only then will we be able to find that we can have that type of love mirrored back to us."

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