Should You Allow Your Bridesmaids to Go Into Debt for Your Wedding? Here's What We Think
Here's a hypothetical situation: One of your bridesmaids is one of your best friends whom you've known forever—and there's no way you're not having her stand by your side on your wedding day. Then again, there's no way she has enough cash in her bank account to afford a $300 dress, let alone a flight to Miami for the bachelorette. Sound familiar?
If you've ever been asked to be a part of a BFF's wedding, you know it's close to impossible to say "no" to a good friend whom you know would do the same thing for you. And while we don't have any official stats to give, we can tell you the most likely solution for the friend without a big account is to whip out a credit card to cover the cost of being in your wedding party. Chances are, they'll be paying off that wedding long after you're back from the honeymoon. Ouch.
Moral of the story: Debt is not the answer. Here's why you've got to be honest about finances with your friends.
Understand that someone might have to say "no."
It's easy to get swept up in the moment of wanting to be part of someone's day, but we would always recommend to wedding party members that you should never go into credit card debt over a friend's wedding (or your own wedding, for that matter).
If one of your friends really, really can't afford their wedding party dutes, telling you "no" will be an incredibly hard thing to do. Hopefully, your friends will be honest about their financial situations and the reasoning (if one of them needs to decline). Of course, feelings can get hurt, but your friend will likely brainstorm lots of ways to be there for you that don't involve putting themselves at a financial risk, like helping with some wedding to-dos (DIY escort cards, anyone?).
Help your besties budget as much as you can.
Tell your girls (or guys) from the get-go that, generally speaking, the earlier you start planning your wedding-party-related expenses, the better. Once you figure out how much the wedding will cost each wedding party member overall, tell your crew as soon as possible so each of them can divide that number by how many months until the wedding day and set aside some cash each month. (In other words, if you know your bestie will be looking at a $500 bill and the wedding is in five months, encourage her to put aside $100 each month so she's not caught off-guard.) You can often open up a sub-account at your bank so you can clearly track this saving goal.
Also, some quick cost-saving tips for any broke bridesmaids that might not have time to save up: Get to the registry early. By checking it out ASAP, you'll likely have more options for gifts in your range. If you get to pick out your own dress, consider wearing something you already have, borrowing from a friend or using a rental site. If you need to alter your dress, it's often less expensive at your neighborhood tailor. Don't be afraid to start conversations with the phrase, "I know we're all on a budget..." This will help everyone get more comfortable talking about cost and making a decision that works for everyone.
Set realistic expectations for them.
In general, think about ways you can help gift whatever request you're making of your bridesmaids. If you have your heart set on a $250 dress, but know it'll be hard for one of your friends to pay for it, consider subsidizing the cost.
If your bachelorette destination involves travel, think about chipping in for hotel costs or renting a house for everyone. Encourage bridesmaids to plan ahead and book flights as soon as they know they're coming. And here's a pro tip: When they're looking for deals online, make sure they clear their cache and browser history. (Once websites know you want to reserve something, they may show you higher rates.) If you have bridesmaids who have to fly in for the wedding, you might consider having the bachelorette party the same week as the wedding so they only have to fly once.
If you're getting down because your wedding party members are being stubborn about things being too expensive for them, put yourself in their shoes. Often, your friends will be juggling a few weddings and those costs can add up quickly. If there are things you really value (like a faraway destination for your bachelorette), think about ways you can cover costs directly. On the day of, it can be a really nice treat to gift things like hair, makeup and even accessories for your bridesmaids.